Michelle Heitmann
Michelle L. Heitmann-Ortlieb of Old Kings Highway passed away at the age of 50 from Metastatic Breast Cancer or maybe Ovarian Cancer. She had both. These are her last words:
If you are reading this, well...we all know what that means. I passed away and Ovarian Cancer was my killer. I didn't have a chance because MBC /OC treatment research funds are a very low priority in the world of breast cancer. I guess the good news is that I am no longer suffering? Ugh. Who ever offers that condolence...well, Captain Obvious, I will come back and haunt you forever! The fact is; I muddled through pretty good since my diagnosis in 2012. At that time, I couldn't walk due to a tumor on my spine. I had to have emergency spine surgery and 11 rounds of radiation to my spine and hips. I was told to 'settle my affairs'. That is how grim MBC is. The average life span is 33 months. I was scared of dying but I was more scared of living and not being able to walk, of being totally reliant on other people. I recuperated, I rehabbed my body and my soul, I walked again. I drove and I worked again. I became 'normal' again. Of course, this ...[more]
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rmal' involved many ups and downs. Cancer does that. It doesn't let you just 'be' for too long.
QOL was always important to me. I made a decision early on to only go so far with my treatment plan. I was diagnosed terminal. I didn't want to grasp at straws because I would never be 'cured'. So, that is what I did. I got the strength to rid my life of toxic people, I traveled some, I enjoyed my family & friends, I loved my dogs, I improved my home, I continued to enjoy get-togethers and I posted like a lunatic on Facebook...always with a twisted sense of humor and occasionally serious thoughts and updates on my cancer. I liked to be honest even when it involved horrible or embarrassing things. I hope I surpassed many goals like seeing my son through HS, then college, witnessing him in a healthy loving relationship with our Jane, then seeing him move into his own apartment. When you have cancer, you make lots of mini-goals. You can't plan too far ahead. But, what will I miss out on? So much. It's hard to think about without getting teary. But, my greatest heartbreak is thinking of the grandchildren I will never meet. I just love my boy so much...I can imagine little 'hims' running around. Joyful, loving pieces of my heart fluttering around everywhere, living on forever. Grandma has thought about you often and loves you already. Be sure to tell them that.
I was born on January 10, 1970 in Yonkers, NY in an unwed mothers home. My late grandmother, Joan, contributed a lot in raising me, spoiling me, loving me, and molding me. I think I got a lot of my sense of humor from her and for sure my love of animals, being barefoot, and Elvis. And also her empathy toward people..offering help..and a sense of trying to 'save' the underdogs. I always thought I could solve other peoples problems by giving them money or things. That's just temporary stuff though. I learned, the hard way, that you can't save anyone who doesn't want saving. You can't make people think of you in a certain way or make them love you without conditions. They either do or they don't. I don't think there is an 'in between' with love. My gram used to call me 'Toots' and 'Lizzy Tish' and as a child she made me clothing and curled my hair with knotted socks. She bought me 'Tiger Beat' magazines and we went to Arturo's Pizzeria after doing laundry on Morton Blvd. I know that as a young mother of 6, before me, she made mistakes. But, those had nothing to do with me. I can never remember a moment that my grandmother didn't show her love to me. If I was sad, she lifted me up. If I felt ugly, she told me I was gorgeous. If I felt unloved...she loved me even more. Even when I was a teenage terror.
In 1985, at age 15, I got my first job at a restaurant as a bus girl. But, more importantly, I met a cook named Dave Ortlieb who was 8 years older than me. He wouldn't know it until a couple years later but I loved him at 'hello'. I categorize it as stalker love. I would go to work early and stay late just to be in the vicinity of him. I would pretend I needed rides to or from work just to sit next to him. Well, it was Super Bowl Sunday, 1987, the Giants won. He was beyond happy...and a little drunk, and he spontaneously kissed me in celebration. That was over 30 years ago. Dave: you never wavered, you never let me down, you wiped my tears (and other things!), you lifted me up, you fixed me when I was broken, you protected me, you provided for me, you laughed with me, you cried with me, you taught me so much, you are a great father to our son and you just simply always, always loved me and always made sure I knew it. You gave me the best life. I have loved you since I was 15...and I died loving you. I died feeling loved by you. Thank you my forever 'boyfriend'.
I didn't have any great ambitions to go to college and have a fancy career. But, I knew two things for sure; I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to travel so my plan was to do just that. And Dave always said 'you plan it, I'll do it'. We've had some wonderful adventures in Cali, Mexico, Hawaii, Florida, Vegas, South Carolina, the Caribbean, and everywhere in between. We've atv'd, snorkeled, kayaked, climbed pyramids, swam in caves, hiked volcano craters and the Grand Canyon, explored ghost-towns, driven cross-country and viewed the worlds largest ball o' twine. I felt lucky to have such experiences...and to share many with my son.
In 1996, Trevor David Ortlieb, the absolute love of my life, was born. I read all the parenting handbooks; I still didn't know what the hell I was doing when he was born. I didn't even really like him much at first. Ha! I was just such a newbie. I'd like to think I became a good mom over time. I really tried hard. I made mistakes, but I have no regrets because I know that he knows that he always came first, no matter what happened in our life. He never had to doubt my love or doubt his importance in my life. When I was proud, I told him. When I was disappointed, I told him. When I was sad, I told him. In turn, he told me the same. Like me, he is brutally honest and forthright. TMI runs in the genes I guess! I love you so much, Trevor. I love every. single. thing. about. you. You are kind, funny, sarcastic (you make mama proud), self-assured, thoughtful, sensitive and strong. I love that you always make time for family gatherings, always set aside your plans to make our birthdays and holiday traditions special. I love that even in your 20's there is just no question in your mind that you would be decorating the Christmas tree with Dad and I. That's because we are a family. My little family. The three amigos. I just know you will have a wonderful life. My legacy as a mother will live on through you and your children to be. I just know you're going to be the best dad some day. I will always be with you...always.
I also leave behind some special people; people who had my back and loved me even when loving me was hard to do. Thank you uncle Bob & aunt Pamela Hendrickson. Pam...you stood by me, you stood up for me, helped me, waited on me, made sure I was always comfortable when out and about, and told people off if they messed with me. Every girl should have a 'Pam'. You were kind of like my personal bouncer when I wasn't fully myself. I love you both.
My cousins Jessica & Michael Campbell, Alicia Herdman, Sean Kennedy, Alicia Senior, you all offer something different to me. Mostly laughs...because you all 'fools' but comfort and encouragement when I needed it. Family gossip, lots of inside jokes, positivity, honesty. I am sad that I will miss seeing your babies grow, your grown children become adults and parents. I see some whacked family parties in the future. I hope you all stick together in some way. I hope you have wonderful family gatherings and I wish you all so much happiness.
My SIL, Joanne Ortlieb. I know it took awhile but I also know that we both grew to love and respect each other over these 30 plus years. I think you're beautiful and funny and you have the biggest heart. And my BIL, Mitch Ortlieb, it hasn't always been smooth but never doubt that I was in your corner, no matter what. You're a man of few words but I think you kinda liked me. Take good care of your brother, please. He will need both of you.
Uncle Gerry Parkes; what a privilege and an honor to have known you and Aunt Bett. You guys always treated me so kindly from day 1. When Artie died, you took over the roll of surrogate grandparents to Trevor, never forgetting a birthday or calling about a school accomplishment. Thank you for that. When I think of you both; there is nothing but good, and nothing but love.
My best friend, Stacey Spica. Near or far, it never mattered. We'd get together like no time had passed since the last time. We'd giggle over stupid stuff, eat ice-cream, watch silly chick flicks and just 'be'. It was comfort, and it was easy. We weren't the type of BF's who liked all the same things or who yapped on the phone every single day. We didn't have to. We were the type of friends that could call each other at 2 am and say 'I need you' and the answer was simply 'ok'. Stacey, you are a phenomenal person and I've always admired you, your work ethic, and what you do for the love of animals. I am so lucky to have known you. And thank you for everything since 1985. You were the best underage 'beer' buyer ever!
And to my friends; those who checked in on me, posted encouragements on my FB posts, sent cards, reached out, sent jokes, took 10 minutes out of your day for ME. I truly appreciated it. Old friends, new friends, FB friends. You know who you are. A little effort goes a long way.
Give a listen to one of my favorite 70's songs...'When I Need Love' by Leo Sayer. 'I just hold out my hand and I'm with you darlin'...'Give a listen to one of my favorite 70's songs...'When I Need Love' by Leo Sayer. 'I just hold out my hand and I'm with you darlin'...' "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying good bye so hard," Winnie the Pooh Three Degrees: When Will I See You Again, Supremes: Someday We'll Be Together
'Smell the sea and feel the sky, let your soul and spirit fly...into the mystic'- Van Morrison.
