"It?s a sad truth that you form most of your close relationships when you?re young. By middle and old age, you maintain your relationships with your family and old friends, but it?s rare that a new strong bond forms.
It feels inevitable that Sandy and I would have met eventually. We had so many of the same interests, and she lived in my husband?s great uncle?s house!
And we did finally meet just over 10 years ago. We were both new volunteers at the wildlife center. We were learning the ropes and becoming competent working with a variety of animals.
Then we received a nest full of young chimney swifts. We don?t see a lot of those at the center, and their care, environment and needs are unique. We bonded over our painstaking and not-very-successful attempts to feed them.
I walked away thinking, ?well that was hard,? where Sandy walked away and embarked on a research project that ended up making her not only a passionate chimney swift advocate, but a respected expert on the species in the state of Wisconsin. That?s Sandy.
My friendship with Sandy grew from there. She?s about 10 years older than me, but that?s another benefit to later-in-life friendships, the decades don?t matter so much. We spent time together, volunteering at the center (there was our memorable encounter with the bobcat, but that?s another story I?d be happy to tell), long lunches after our shift, gardening, cross-country skiing and biking. We never did make our 2,000 miles in one year.
When we rode bikes, Sandy would start from Verona, I?d start from Madison and we would ride toward each other and meet on the Military Ridge trail. We?d start waving wildly from a quarter mile away. There were times that I waved wildly only to someone else, say, a surprised man with a long gray beard. I never told Sandy that.
We exchanged recipes and containers of soup, and called each other ?soup sister.? She took care of our cat Gizmo when we were away and is known as ?Aunt Sandy? at our house. Our husbands hit it off (yay!) so we enjoyed Friday Fish Frys together.
We faced life and death together in our volunteer work, and in our personal lives. We both lost beloved pets, Sandy?s Gilda and my Cleo. She referred to death as crossing the rainbow bridge. I was not familiar with that expression, but loved the visual.
The day she told me about her diagnosis, we talked on the phone for two hours, even though we would see each other later that day. When Sandy and Tom arrived at my house, I held both of their hands and looked them in the eye and said I was on their team and we were going to fight this together. I was still getting ready and strapping on my armor and she was already gone. The speed with which the disease took her was shocking, but I am grateful that she did not have to suffer any longer.
In one of our long talks after her diagnosis, Sandy must have been in the Kubler-Ross anger phase and was lamenting that she did not deserve this. She lived a good life, exercised, at healthy foods and was a good person. I agreed with all of that and added, ?and you are someone who truly loves life and appreciates every moment.?
To my surprise, she replied that she wasn?t always that way. That she had worked hard and made a conscious decision to love life. That was a very big aha to me.
During her lovely celebration of life, I was think about what Sandy would want for all of us on that day.
She would not have liked being the center of attention. I?m sure she would enjoy hearing the nice things people are saying, but she would expect more. She would want to know that she had left a legacy and changed our lives for the better.
So here are some of the top things that I learned from Sandy Schwab:
Listen without fixing. When I had a problem, Sandy always gently stood by my side and supported me while I figured it out.
Be sincere - nothing got under Sandy?s skin more than false displays of sincerity. She simply didn?t have time for it.
This may sound inconsistent, but with being sincere, but Sandy taught me to smile even if you don?t feel like it. You?ll feel better. No one knows why exactly, it just works.
Stand up for those who have no voice - from people to chimney swifts, she was fearless.
Make a conscious decision to love life. Sandy has given us a gift - a very big reminder that we are only here for a short time. She would want us to make the most of it. To love each other fiercely with sincerity.
A friend recently gave me a weathergram to remember Sandy. It is meant to hang outside and let nature ?weather? it. It?s a quote by Robert Lewis Stevenson that says, ?Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow.?
Thank you, Sandy.
Your Soup Making, Bike Riding, Trail Walking, Gardening, Animal Loving friend -
Ruth Purcell
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