Ronald Ward
March 3, 1955 - June 29, 2021

"Hi Babe, It's May 1st 2024....I have never been so pissed off or angry as I am now... I know you know what is happening and I can not do a thing about it./.I am so sorry Im so sorry you working so hard redoing the kitchen, bathroom, laundry room and the downstairs bedroom ect..in Elcho I know you wanted each one of your kids to have a remembrace of something you made..Doug has one clock, bedroom set and deck, Liz was the dinningroom table, clock, your bow stuff and the hours you spent working on the house. I want you to know I tried so hard but, nobody cares. I can not do this...I fear God is wrong and although I feel if they want to through arrows at each other and me...I can not fight for you I am so sorry. I didn't allow to die at home as you wanted and now I can not even make sure the kids get what you wanted them to have, I have failed you at every turn. I am begging you please take me out of this world I hate my life I hate everything about it and I feel I have fought for so long for nothing. I feel nothing but, hatred somewhere I never wanted to be. I think God has forgotten me and does not hear my prayers and maybe he is right..I attempted to do everything right and it has done gotten me now where I think God as tossed me aside. I know you were a lot of work in the start but, I fought so hard and went through more than anyone will ever understand but, we make it through and I know how hard you worked and what you wanted to leave your kids and now i can't even do that. I don't know Gods plan but, I am sure I am no longer a part of it.I never ever thought the kids would not be able to keep the things you made for them, If I would have thought your wishes wouldn't even be considered I would have keep them in a storage unit..Ron I am so sorry. I just can not understand after the physical help and all the money we have given means nothing, there has to be a special place in HELL for people like that. I am glad that I did get Liz to the ocean as your request I am however sad I paid for everyone, I am asking Lord please bring me home and the girls and Mom I am spent, tried and done. I do not know what you want from me I feel I have given it all and yet nothing...I am tossing my hands up, reaching my hand towards you but, your not grabbing it....I do not know what else to do and actually I don't think you are here anymore maybe you never were. I feel as I have given and given and nothing in return...I am calling in done. I never thought anyone would be so cruel after everything you have done for. This world sucks and I no long want a part of it. do with me what you will...I want to be done. I wish no hardship on anyone I just want out....God bless Aiden and Braydon please keep them safe.... "

"Hi Babe, It's the 31st of March 2024...HAPPY EASTER.... Well I guess everything here is the same as always, I miss you like crazy and the holidays, any holidays are always worse. I wish I could just come and join you and bring all the girls and mama along too. I am sick and tired of this world and I have no place here anymore. Whatever the Lord is keeping me here for is not working and I hate to say it but, whatever he thinks or thought I was good for he is sadly mistaken, maybe the one and only mistake he has ever made, it's no surprise that the one mistake he makes would be with me... I believe the only thing I am good for is taking care of doggies and I am sure there are many people that could do that better too. Zara is not doing to well these days please keep an eye on her and make sure she is not suffering in any way..Poor little muffin she is such a good girl. I think I just want to keep to myself for a while and leave everyone a lone. I think things would be better for everyone. I just want you to know and the Lord that I am more than ready and willing to come home if the Lord will have me there is nothing left for me here. I hope you had a wonderful Easter although maybe you celebrate on the actual day he rose. Happy Easter babe say hello to everyone and as always give Doodles her special kissy from me. I Love and Miss you so very much..Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi babe..It's the 13th of March 2024....I guess I am writing you because I am feeling so grateful tonight..I don't really know why but, sometimes this feeling hits me so strong, I am always grateful but, some days it just really hits me..I really wish you were here with me enjoying what we built together. I truly thank the Lord for bringing us together just about daily. I am so grateful the Lord blessed you with such talents, your knowledge was so widespread over so many areas it was truly amazing. I am even grateful for all the difficult times we went through and I am so grateful we stuck it out and came out on top. I wonder sometimes if we never went through all the hard times if I would be as grateful for everything as I am today. Although I prayed so hard for the bad times to stop I know thank God for unanswered prayers. Sometimes I just walk around and look at the house, yard and even belongings and can not believe what we accomplished. I truly believe the Lord is still blessing me each and every day, although I never hear him speak to me ( which would be amazing ) I feel like I always have more than enough of everything no matter what repair bills come in or unexpected things happen. Both our children are doing wonderful in their jobs have beautiful homes and money put away for a rainy day...I couldn't be more proud of them both and I know you feel the same. Well babe I just wanted you to know what I was feeling....Say hello to all and give Doodles her special little kiss. I love and miss you so much babe...Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, It's the 12th of March 2024....I just wanted to touch base with you so this maybe a short letter. Things are not great down here which I am sure you already know. Mom had a bad bad night and I just don't know what to say or do any more to make her feel better. It just feels like everything is falling apart and I can not fix anything anymore, I am just a old lady that is attempting to explain that life is short and there are so many things to be grateful for but, sometimes I don't even believe it myself. I was so exhausted all day I thought if I even sat down I would be out cold, so I worked outside in the back yard for several hours turning over the veggie garden and filling in the holes the girls dig. After I made dinner I thought for sure I would pass out but I did clean up the dishes put Mom to bed vacuumed and then called it a night. Now I am watching t.v. and wouldn't you know it can not sleep...figures... I found out my friend and partner Lon Trucker from hurd millwork died in a car accident March 5th 2 days before his 59th birthday. That's Hunter and Lon now that were my partners and they are both gone now...can't help but, wonder...well you know.. I keep attempting to tell mom to think positive and be grateful but, to be honest I actually know where is is coming from.....I just keep praying everyone will find their way and everything will be alright, I hope you can help by watching over us all and Jesus will heal broken and hurt hearts. The girls are doing well I pray they stop digging holes in the yard. I just had the downstairs fireplace worked on and the jeep had some more work done so it is an expensive month so far...Hopefully nothing else falls apart this month. Well Babe I am so tired I can't even see straight anymore so I am just going to curl up on the couch...Please give my love to all and rell Hunter and Lon I said hello...Give Doodles her special kiss for me...Love and miss you all so very much..Love Laura/Mommy"

"March 3rd 2024...HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE,,,,,,69 years old today I sure wish we could celebrate together....I bet the Lord puts on a bid party for all the birthdays.....Instead of baking your usual cake I tied easter eggs today, 4 different colors. Jo came up thursday and left about 10:30 this morning and as usual politics was brought up ( by her ) I have to learn to just get up and walk away..but the rest of the weekend went ok, she cut and dyed my hair so it was nice to get that done. We are having some thunder and lightening here tonight on your Birthday and you remember how much Rena loves that....she has never changed. The twins don't seem to mind the storms or fireworks so far, I pray that doesn't change. Since Jo was leaving today we had salvo's pizza for your Birthday dinner last night as it was always your first choice. Haven't seen the kids in a few days as they had to work the weekend. Mom is pretty much the same but, I did forget to order her pills on Friday so I have to remember to do that in the morning, I put a reminder on the frig, as it seems I can not remember things like I once did. Thomass Hunter is living up in heaven with you now, remember he was a man I worked with at Langlade, he wasn't very old either. I missed his funeral but Jo can't lift mom and I didn't need any accidents, I think Thomass would understand. Well I better end this as the storm appears to be moving in...HAPPY BIRTHDAY..I miss you so much....Love to all and give Ripzy a big kiss on her little nose from me..Love you babe."

"Hi Babe, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!! It's the 14th of Feb. 2024. I didn't do much today, cleaned a little but, that was about all. Everything is the same here, don't get me wrong I am soooo grateful for everything I have.. The world keeps getting crazier and crazier with no end in sight. All the doggies were so whiny today Rena is still whining I don't know why. It's also ash Wednesday but, I could get ashes on my forehead so I kind of did it myself. keep watching over us all as we need you every minute every day. Please give everyone a hug and kiss for me and give Doodles and extra kiss on her cute little nose from me...All my love Laura/Mommy...I miss you all so much!"

"Hi Babe, well it's the 10th of Feb. 2024 almost valentines days....Not much going on these days although for Feb. the weather is pretty nice. We don't have any snow and I haven't needed the driveway plowed at all yet this winter and the heating bills haven't been bad either. Mom is doing ok but, she is so ready to go home and be with daddy. John has more bad days then good lately but, he is hanging in there. Sharon thinks he just gets himself all worked up and can't calm down. I pray things get better for him, It's just so different, he can't enjoy everything that the loved any more which is not how retirement is all about. I don't see Liz very much anymore she is so busy with work and the family although Douglas has been coming around much more which I love. Douglas worries me a little..he just goes and goes and I don't think he is allowing himself enough recovery time which can catch up to you is in hurry with colds, flu ect... If I was able to get mom and the girls up to the cottage by myself I think I may have gone up there for a week or so as I never have been there during the winter months. I called your cell-phone tonight and I was so upset because I wanted to hear your voice but, instead I got a females voices telling me the person I was calling was not answering to try again later. I though I lost your voice...I then tried turning the phone on and attempted calling it again and you answered Thank God.....All the girls are going well however Diamond is still having problems..I have to keep her in the bathroom or she wee wee's all over, it's not her fault she is just getting old. I do take her outside on the deck when the weather isn't to cold as she is so skinny I am afraid she will get cold. The world isn't getting any better either, I pray and pray that God will move soon and expose all these evil people. There was something going around that several of us got..not the flu but, aches and pains, deep chest cold hot sweaty then cold and freezing and although I am feeling better it just keeps hanging on. I miss you so much I really though missing you so much would ease up a little by now but, it just hasn't I still ball every single night. I so wish you where here but, then again I am glad you are safe, healthy and loved and away from all this crazy down here. Well I just wanted to check in with you please don't ever think I have forgotten you I just don't know if writing these letters makes me feel better or worse so I do avoid doing them sometimes. I love you and miss you so much...Please give everyone a hug and kiss for me and as always give Doodle Bugs a big kiss on her pretty little nose from me ...Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, Well it's the 9th of Jan, 2024 I pray you are Happy,Healthy, and safe and loved. I have been doing ok...actually I have been having a hard time ever since Thanksgiving and I pray nobody actually knows how bad I am doing..I try to keep it to myself I don't want to worry or upset anyone. Wow..Mom just fell out of bed, It took a little doing but, I got her back in bed..I asked several times if she hurt anywhere but, she said she is fine...I pray that is true.....I was told the pain of missing you would get " less Sharp" with passing time but so far it has not. I guess I have always been a lot slower than the average person. I know or at least believe I have told you in here more than once but, here we go again....I never wanted anything bad for you babe, I really with all my heart wanted you to have the best retirement ever..no worries about house payment, car payments..ect...but, maybe my way wasn't the way to go maybe there was or is another way I just don't know. I wanted the best for you and maybe I pressed to hard, if so I am very sorry that was not my intention I swear to God. I thank God everyday that he blessed you with so much knowledge and he brought us together, I am so grateful for everything I have and I do make it appoint o tell God that every day. I still do not understand why you had to leave why God did not heal you and I guess I will continue to ask that same question everyday. I wish I would have been a better wife and understood more, I really believed I was doing what I believed to be right....I have so much to be grateful for and believe me I am so very grateful however without you here nothing means much It's like I am just on auto-pilot doing almost the same thing every day. I wish I did not relay on Liz so much and I bet she wishes the same thing. I just can not understand what I am still doing here....I never know..really know if what I am doing is right.....I wish so much that you could speak to me and we could have a one on one conversation. This world is so crazy and I don't know who or what to believe anymore I could really use one of your heart to heart talks. There are times..like tonight when I really feel like calling it...But, then I think about Rena, Rozy and Willoughby joy..and I think there is no way I got a Rozy by accident and maybe just maybe God did answer my prayer and he is watching over me. Although I want for nothing...the future doesn't look very bright....I am going to be alone for what 10, 20 and maybe even 30 years not a pleasant thought. Well I am sorry but, tonight was one of thoses extra bad nights....I love and miss you so much, It's hard putting one foot in-front of another and not actually getting anywhere. Give all my love and kisses to all and give Doodles an extra kiss on her sweet little nose for me....Love and miss you so much...Laura"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR Babe, Today is 01/01/2024 I pray this year will be better than last year...I pray GOD is going to make a huge move this month..There is so many crazy things happening in this world, and America is not what she was. There are so many people who are taking GOD and Jesus out of America and attempting to remove them from this whole world. If they are allowed to do this we as a people are done...We need GOD and Jesus in this world more than ever. I pray he will remove and expose all the people within this nation that want them gone and I pray he does it quickly....I miss you so much but, I am glad you are safe and healthy and do not have to live through the wrath of GOD here on this earth as he will not be mocked to much longer. I love you all and miss you all...Laura"

"Hi Babe, Well it is the 29th of Dec. 2023 only 2 more days then we are in 2024. I just wanted to remind you to come around tomorrow the 30th as we will be celebration Christmas that day. I know it will not be anywhere near the get together's in heaven but I would still like you here. To be truthful just want the holiday's to be over and done they just don't feel the same without you here. Dusty's mom will be joining us tomorrow so maybe speak with Corky and have him come as well along with all the others. Well I just wanted to shoot you a reminder...I love and miss you and everyone so much...Love always and forever Laura"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS Babe, I wanted to write and invite you to join us for Christmas here on Saturday the 30th 2023...We are celebrating a little late but, it worked out with everyone on the 30th so then it is. I just got done writing and inviting Daddy also, please bring along anyone you would like the more angels the better; your parents, jeni, julian, grandparents, ect.. celebrating our Lords Birthday. I miss and love you every moment of every day..Don't forget to bring all the fur babies...xxoo"

"Hi Babe it's just me again...It's still Christmas eve for another hour and a half...I had hoped and prayed that this year this Christmas would be easier but, it is not...I miss you as much if not more and it is so hard to keep going on. I am watching the Bible on tv and people were as cruel back then as they are now maybe even worse back then. This world is so messed up and full of hate and lies' I know something is very wrong but, I just don't understand the whole picture nor do I know my reason or part in it. We have no snow this year none..in fact they are calling for a lot of rain tomorrow on Christmas day. John's been having a rough time and Sharon doesn't know what to do anymore she hasn't slept in days. I hope and pray if something is going to crash this world so God can rebuild it happens soon and I mean soon like in the next few days. I feel like life has just stood still since you have left I am not going forward or backwards just staying still in the same place. Dusty, Liz and the boys have gone to his Mom's house for Christmas eve I pray she is doing well, I know it is very hard. well I will write again tomorrow have a wonderful Christmas eve..It is my understanding that Jesus was thought to be born in Sept not Dec. so maybe you celebrate the true birthday of Jesus. Give all my love to everyone and please keep a watch on me and don't forget about me..Love you always Laura"

"Hi Babe, Happy Christmas eve!!!! I pray your celebrating with Jesus and your happy,healthy and heaven is very thing you ever dreamed of and more. I don't understand why but,I feel like I am back at day one here. I just want you happy and that's all that matters. I know Jesus knows what I am going through here but,I don't want you to worry about anything down here. Please tell everyone Happy Christmas eve from me and give everyone a hug and kiss and as always give doodles and extra bid one from me. I hope and pray we will all be together soon ...Love Laura and Mommy"

"Hi Babe, Sorry it has been awhile, not a whole lot going on here. It's the 17th of Dec. 2023 and so far it doesn't look like it's going to be a white Christmas this year. I guess it doesn't really matter to much to me one way or the other. Christmas doesn't seem like to big a deal any more with the kids grown and out of the house with lives of thier own and you being gone Christmas is just another day. I am trying to be a good sport with the holidays this year I don't want to be a downer, but I can not wait till they are over. I pray Dusty's mom is doing ok it has to be hard on her although to her credit she appears to be much farther a long then I am as far as excepting Corky being gone. Dusty, Liz and the boys worked on thier house this weekend and wow does it look nice. They painted and put up some wood on the walls in the dining room and living room and it just looks so open , warm and inviting just beautiful although I only saw pictures but, it was nice because you could see it changing as they went a long. They got a lot done in just two days, she said they have a little bit to go but, they can finish up this week. I am glad they are not so tight "money wise " so they can really start enjoying what they have worked so hard to get. I have learned although hard times stink when your going through them, what you learned and grown to respect is so much greater when you make it to the other side is well worth it. I hope and pray they can feel that kind of accomplishment now. I still feel so blessed every day although I also feel kind of lost and worthless at the same time. I really worked so hard to get everything done and paid for so we could live our older life comfortablely and without stress or worry and for all the work here I am in your house a lone, nothing worked out correctly. I have everything I need and then some but, I sure don't have the one thing that would make everything worthwhile. I would just like to know why God didn't heal you and let you stay here with me, I know he could have I just don't know why he didn't. I haven't heard form Douglas in awhile but, maybe he will call or stop by this next week. Give my love and hugs to everyone and give doodles a extra big kiss on her nose from me. Love and miss you much..Good night sweetheart. Love Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, It's the 9th of Dec. 2023, Sharon stopped by this morning and brought me of holiday cookies that you have to bake so I made some of them today. It wasn't a bad day but, it wasn't a good day either just a day. I don't know if it's the holidays but, I feel so blessed and so depressed at the same time. I have everything I could ever need but, I don't have everything that I want which is you. I wish so much that we could have grown old together in this house that we build and worked so hard for. I do have faith and I feel like my faith has only grown stronger after you left but, I have so many questions that I just can not find the answers too or at least I simply don't understand the answers. I wish I had more knowledge of what this life is all about. It has been almost two and a half years since you left and I still have not made it through one whole day without breaking down at one point or another. I know God's will..will be done on his timing and I have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other but, nothing seems that important or worthwhile when there is nobody to do it for. In the back of my mind I feel like I have to keep everything going so if anything happens the kids always have a place to call home and to come back too no matter what. I guess all parents have that thought. Well enough whiney for one night....I do pray Dusty's mom is doing ok, I don't know why but, I just feel things are not going well for her, I pray she can work whatever she is going through out and she can move on without stress or worry having your spouse pass is rough enough she doesn't need anything more to deal with. Well babe I will say good night..I love and miss you all and please give doodles a big kiss on her cute little nose for me..Love always Laura/ Mommy"

"Hi Babe, Well it's the 4th of Dec. 2023....HAPPY 41st Wedding Anniversary!!!!!! I made Hamburgers tonight....That was always your request....actually I was going to make them yesterday but, did it today. Dusty and Liz did a Aldi's run yesterday so I have everything I need and then some. Nothing new around here and the world is still a mess. I don't know what is true and what isn't. I know you know, and I am glad you are safe I don't know what's going to happen down here. I still wish God would have healed you and let you stay here with me. We got everything ready to hold on and then he took you away I just do not understand what was the point of paying everything off and stocking up if he was going to take you away. I just don't know what to believe anymore....I just wanted to wish you a happy 41st wedding anniversary and I pray we will be together again sooner than later. Give everyone a big hug and kiss for me and give doodles an extra little kiss on her sweet little nose.. Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, It's the 1st of Dec. 2023, In three days we will be married 41 years....I have been having a rough couple of days, I am not sure why but, I think with Thanksgiving a few weeks ago, our anniversary in a few days and Christmas right around the bend it kind of is hitting me hard and all at once. Willoughby joy and Rozy will be turning 1 this week as well, They are both doing well and they have brought some much needed life and happiness back into your house. Douglas stopped by this evening it was very nice to see him, He just bought a new truck very nice a four door chevy I believe with a towing package. It was pretty expensive I pray he hasn't gone over his ski's as they say. You should hear him speak now, it's so funny worring about a budget and retirement, things just a few years ago was unheard of from him. I guess it is true...raise up a child in the way they should go and they will not depart from it...It took a little longer than I thought but, here we are. proud mama..Mom had a hard day yesterday but, she was a little better today. Even though I have been having a rough few days, I am so grateful to the Lord for bringing you into my life, this wonderful home, this wonderful property and being so comfortable at this point in my life. I thank the Lord every day for giving you such knowledge to build this home, the bedroom set, hutch, clocks and so much more you have so much talent. Even though we went through a lot of hard times I want to thank you for making every dream I had come true. I always felt I was a women of God but, since you have gone to glory I believe my faith as grown a lot and even though I have so many questions and things I just do not understand I truly believe and know it was right as God doesn't lie or make mistakes and I am unable to see the whole picture as he does. I still get upset and fustrated but, I do make it appoint to catch myself and ask for Gods forgiveness. I do thank him every day for every thing I have and I am will aware that we did not do this all by our self, He helped us and blessed us beyound what we deserved, I am not sure why but, I know I am grateful. I do wish you were here with me every moment of every day but, I do find comfort understanding you are safe, healthy and loved as this world is getting crazier and crazier every day and they are attempting to remove God from this world every chance they get. I just do not understand why they can not understand when they remove God everything goes right down the toilet and man we are seeing that come true every day. We babe, please say hello and give everyone my love and give Doodles a big kiss on her sweet little nose and tell everyone I love and miss you all so much....Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, It's the 24th of Nov. 2023...I just wanted to say sorry for being so grumpy the other day, I guess between not feeling great and hearing Sharon telling me all about what Dusty was complaining to John about was just alittle to much for me..I just wish they wouldn't just complain so much it's always one thing or another. It's not that hard to attempt to be happy and grateful. I guess it bothers me that he doesn't just call them to have a nice conversation it's always to complain about one member of the family, Either way it was not right to get so upset but, I wish Sharon wouldn't even tell me anymore. Anyway I didn't do much today as I was right I was coming down with something so I just laid around most of the entire day. Forgive my anger and out bust sometimes I just say and do really stupid things.I guess a person can only handle so much negativity and taking care of Gma is almost enough negativity for a life time. Well I just wanted to say I was sorry...Please give everyone a big hug and kiss for me..and as usual give Doodles an extra hug and a big kiss on her sweet little nose...All my love Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, well it's the 22nd of nov 2023.I wish this was a good talk but, I am so mad..every time I talk to Sharon all I hear about is how Dusty shits on our family to John..Last year it was all I do is make Dusty work so hard at the cottage which was all bullshit and every time it's just more complaints. I would rather pay some one to do what needs to be done around than to every have Dusty do or touch another damn thing in your home or the cottage. After everything we have done for them, paid the gas bill in elcho, do the kitchen and the bills where they live now, take the boys for the summer, and give them a car and send them on a 7 day trip and were still get shit on. I so sick of it all....I will never ask either one of them for anything ever again. I would rather lose the cottage than ask them to do a damn thing. I may not be the smartest tool around but, I will figure out how to pay my own damn bills. I have called around about work that needs to be done and I called the plumber in iron river about setting something up if he could open and shut down the cottage for me. I also text steph to see if her dad could put in the garage door so we will see. From now on either I can do it myself or pay someone or it doesn't get done, no more of this bullshit I am completely done. I love you and miss you so much and I know you would beable to take care of everything but, I can not and I am sick of being trashed, I will let the cottage go and go back to work before I lost this house so please don't worry, I just has enough.....Love always Laura "

"Hi Babe, It's the 19th of Nov.2023...We had Thanksgiving yesterday and I pray you joined us...I guess you could say I am having a really bad day which makes me even more angry than usual because I have been so blessed but, sometimes none of that matters and I just can not get passed that. We worked so hard for so long to be this comfortable and I am very comfortable but,it just doesn't mean what it should if I don't have you to share it with. Why did God have me work so hard and fight so hard to help us get to this point just for him to take you away? Ron I am so tired and wore down I just don't want to fight anymore, The kids are grown and I don't see them very much anymore as they are working and living their own lives. I just can not figure out what the hell am I doing still here a lone and still attempting to keep things going for what for who? Everyone kept going on with their lives after you left and believe me I am not knocking or blaming anyone what else could they do..however I have not moved on and I just pretend everything is ok and I am handling it but, truth be told I am not. I want for nothing and have all I need and then some yet, without you nothing seems to matter. I really can not word that right as I do love this house and yard and because I have it I can have the doggies and Mom and feel safe and secure which I do and I am so grateful for everything I have but, for some reason although I love everything I have it just isn't enough to make me feel good, happy without you to share it all with. I don't want you to think what you did wasn't enough because that is not what I am saying, I love everything I just always thought we would grow old together in the place we made your home and without you here as kind of just taken the wind out of everything. I love having all the doggies they are my life and I could not love each and everyone of them more and taken care of Mom is a gift and a chance to thank her for everything she has given up and done for me and you. I just don't feel whole or complete anymore and I am actually getting alittle tired of acting like all is good and wonderful but, there is nothing anyone can do or say that will or could ever make me feel better so why put my misery on either of the kids shoulders. I am glad Thanksgiving is over although it was nice getting together without you it had very little meaning. I do wish I saw Douglas more but, I know he has his own life and that was our job to make him a man that was strong enough to make it through this life without us and he is doing very well. It seems like Elizabeth and I are growing further apart and I don't get to see or speak to her like we used to but, again that was our job, she has grown into a beautiful, independent wife and mother. I guess that is the way of life and I have to say I am not a fan. I feel so bad for Sharon with all her children so far away and John having to go through everything he is going through, she is strong but, their is only so much a person can handle before they just far apart. It's funny I fought so hard for so long to obtain everything I thought was right but, in the long run what did I gain? I spent most of my adult life attempting to do what I thought was right what I thought was important and in the best interest for everyone and if you really look at it none of that mattered, people still act like you are taking advantage of others, to out spoken, to emotional, ungrateful, and the list goes on and on. Anyway I just needed to talk to you I wish with everything you could talk back to me and guide me in some direction, I feel so lost and hopeless tonight and every night to be honest. Dusty's mom appears to be doing much better than me emotionally and Corky has only been gone a few months. thank you for listening to me babe, I sure wish you could take back and we could have a conversation. Gives hugs and kisses to all and give doodles a big hug and kiss for me..Love always and forever Laura/ Mommy"

"Hi Babe me again I see I didn't put in the date we will all be here tomorrow the 18th around 5 or 6ish but, feel free to join us throughout the entire day,,,,,love you maybe tell Julian, Jenny, Corky and all the rest of the family...Love you all much...Laura"

"Hi Babe, It's the 17th of Nov.2023....I just wanted to let you know that the Liz and family, Douglas John and Sharon will becoming over here to your house to celebrate Thanksgiving. I know it is a little early but, everyone has off and nobody will have to get up in the morning for work so it just works out well. Dusty's mom is on a road trip with a girl friend so she will not be joining us, I pray she is having a wonderful time as I know how hard the first holidays without your husband is, actually the rest of them aren't much easier either. I just wanted to let you know so you and dad can join us I pray you can....Love to all and as always give doodles a big hug and kiss form me...I miss you all so much..love Laura/mommy"

"Hi Babe, It's the 14th of Nov. 2023.....Not much happened today either, sorry pretty boring here. Mom kind of had a rough day not the worsted but not good either. I did manage to give her a shower as she kept saying her head itched so bad, I think that burning the wood makes everything dryer. It was a little harder doing it alone but, I did it and everything was fine. I am so sick and tired of counting on other to get things done so I decided no more. Tomorrow no matter how long it takes I am going to figure out that stupid bill pay on the computer actually it is not stupid I am. I have to start doing everything I can a lone and stop counting on others, If I have to pay someone to fix something oh well that's the way it's going to be. It's hard because you could and did fix everything so this is all new but, it has to be this way. I still feel fear when I leave mom home alone because if something does happen she can not get out of the house herself but, I have to do things and go places and if they say that is wrong I can not fight anymore. I have to go to the bank and if she is or appears to be having a ok day tomorrow I think I am just going to go and pray everything will work out. I guess if they are going to judge me for that there is nothing I can do, I think I have put up a good fight but, I am not 40 or 50 anymore and things need to be done. I am so fed up with not doing things because I am so afraid of messing something up or stopping them from taking mom away and that is no way to live. I know I did what was right and I do not want Mom to be taken from me or her home but, living in constant fear is slowly killing me. Nobody else signed up for this and I can not ask them to do what I signed up to do so starting today no more....I guess what it comes down too is I am going to need you and the Lord to guide me and give me the needed will-power, health, determination, knowledge and guidance to do what is required. I do feel like I have NOT taken any help I received for granted and always attempted to keep the scales balanced so nobody felt used. Unless something goes really wrong my plan is to stay here in your house until I take my last breath and I pray I do take my last breath here, I know that was also your wish and I will beat myself up every day that I did not make that happen.... I guess until the very end I only allowed myself to believe you were coming home as you did every other time. I tell you if I heard China or whoever shot off a bunch of rockets headed right here I wouldn't complain about it, and the way things are heating up maybe we are not far away. People fighting about stupid stuff,not being so happy about the things they have, spending money on things they want/or what they want to do; not what they need to do while still owing others (banks ect..) just drives me crazy. Sometimes I feel like I was born way to late and should have been born during the depression. Well wish me luck on this new attempt on things I miss you so much for so many different reasons..Give my love to all, make sure the Lord has my name in the book of life and give Doodles a big hug and kiss on her little sweet nose from me. Love and miss you all Laura/Mommy "

"Hi Babe, It's the 13th of Nov. 2023....Nothing new down this way every day is pretty much the same. It was snowing Saturday so Braydon spend the night as Liz was working Aiden was at Gma's hunting and Dusty didn't know if he would get called in to sand/salt the roads. Douglas stopped by Sunday before work it was nice to see him, I wish he would stop by a little more often. All the doggies are fine the little ones do keep me going. All the holidays are coming up and I just don't know how to feel, they just don't feel right without you here. I know I have so so much to be grateful/Thankful for but, without you here it just doesn't feel right to celebrate. Not that it's right but, I kind of thought by now these feelings would let up a little but, so far they haven't., Nicole told me as time passes it will get less sharp but, again not yet...apparently I can't even mourn correctly. Anyway...I pray you are happy, healthy and loved by all ...Give everyone hugs and kisses from me and as always give doodles a big kiss on her sweet little nose..Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, Well it's the 6st of Nov.2023...Doodle Bugs has been with you for just a few days over a year now, I miss that little sweetheart so much. I hope she is chasing balls all day long, she just loved that in the water or in the yard she just loved that game. Things are pretty much the same down here although mom is slowly going down hill and she get so upset with herself when she is unable to do something or knocks something over. I understand it has to be hard for her. The world isn't getting much better down here, wars, protests, prices, ect...I fear it will not be long and the war will make it on America's soil. They are even saying the word "draft" which is scary. Bo Pony is saying things are going on the Bible's timeline and Nov-Dec are going to be hard month's and America is going to go through a near death type of event. Bo said not to fear as these things must happen. I know God is with me and I know we have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams and I am so grateful for every one of his blessings, although I do wish he would have healed you and allowed you to return home here with me. I feel I am learning a lot about God and his word but, I have so many questions and so much I just can not understand. It is said in wedding vows until death do us part but Jesus also said whomever believes in me shall never die which is more like how I feel. I have so many questions like that and I can't seem to find the answers. Anyway things down here maybe getting a little crazy but, I know God will be with me and I pray you will too. I don't get to see the kids as much as I would like but, they are both so busy and it is also hunting time. I have seen so many deer in the yard this year and you always said seeing them was a thrill every time. Well until next time say hello and give hugs to everyone up in heaven and give Doodles a big kiss on her cute little nose. I love and miss you so much..Love laura/Mommy"

"Hi babe, Its the 19th of Oct.2023. The world is still going to crap now we have two wars going on and some say we are on our way to ww3. I really don't care one way or the other however I do feel bad for the children. We are getting our cow tomorrow at least thats the last thing I have heard. The dish downstairs took a crap so I have been watching t.v. upstairs which is strange I never really never done that before. I guess everything is going ok Mom had a better day today then she has had in years, God answered my pray as I prayed and prayed for his help. The puppies are doing good although Willoughby-joy eats everything including but not limited too remote controls, fly swatters, socks,slippers,ect..ect..she is even worse than Zach was with shoes but, she is a sweet heart and I am so glad I got them both. I tell them about you all the time, I tell them they live here with me in Daddy's house. The new wood burner works good and warms up the entire upstairs which is nice since thats where we are spending all of your time. I think the grass will need to be cut once more this year, since mom had such a good day I could have done it but, it rained on and off all day. Marge and Wendy come up several times this year which was wonderful, Wendy is living with a friend while she figures things out. I miss you so much its kind of hard to find joy in anything without you here. Thanks to you, the Lord and all our hard work I am doing good I try to thank all of you every day for everything I have. Please give everyone my Love and I pray I can join you sooner than later. Give doodles a big kiss on her nose from me I miss her so much, she was such a good girl. Rena sends her love to all of you, some times I ask myself what is she thinking, where is daddy and doodles she must wonder....Love and miss you ..Laura/mommy"

"Hi Babe, It's the 29th day of Sept. 2023...I can not even express how much I wish you were here, I feel so lost,alone and disappointed in myself. I really don't think anyone knows what I am feeling and the more I try/attempt to tell people the crazier I think I sound. I want you to know and understand something..I know I asked so much of you having Dad and Mom move in here with us. I know my attention went to their wants and needs and you had to take a back seat.Some people maybe many people feel I did wrong but, I felt and still feel I did what I thought was right. My parents not only brought me in to this world but they fed me, changed my diapers taught me to walk and talk and gave me a wonderful life. I feel I owe them everything and nothing I went through as a grown women was any fault of them. We made bad and thoughtless choices and we didn't handle things in the right way for many years but, that was us not them, we also made great and wonderful choices that brought us back stronger and happier than we ever thought possible and that was all us and are hand work because of the values they gave us throughout my life. I know and understand we grow up differently yet somehow we made it all come together in the long run. I know having my parents live with us was hard on you some of the time and I tried to please everyone yet you always seemed to get the short end of the stick and I am sorry for that. I can not understand how people just think older people are a burden and they convinced themselves that a nursing home is the "best thing for the care they need" I think it is a cop out and they feel their lives are more important and they somehow deserve to live the way they want and do what they want without any thought of the people that brought them into this world and took care of your every need. We owe them our respect and we have to put away our own desires and do what is right and for that I am not sorry I do feel I am doing what is right I am however sorry that you went home before we had a chance to live life as a married couple who had raised their children and could finally relax and enjoy the fruits of their labors. I know there is no way to earn one's way into the gates of heaven but, I do think God knows my heart and knows I am doing what I truly think is right. Mom is now at a point where she needs more care however I believe it is still something I can manage however they (medical care) are not willing and/or able to allow me to handle and give her more pain medication. Her Doctor has been hinting at nursing care here at home that last few visits but, this last visit yesterday she all but insisted. I should be getting a call within the next week or so to have them come over and look at the situation. I just have a bad feeling, the house will not pass, I have to many dogs and the house isn't going to be clean enough or I will not have the equipment they believe I should have. I have been taking care of her for 13 years and it doesn't seem like anyone understands the things we have given up willingly to make sure she is cared for. I have been fighting and fighting to try and keep the cottage up the house up and doing everything for her that she is unable to do herself and nobody cares.I think what burns the most is some people actually believe I did and continue to care for her and her belongings for some kind of big payout. Some people have no idea that people actually do things for other because it is right and some day we will have to stand before the Lord and explain why we did not do what was right. Maybe they just do not believe or maybe they think they can sweet talk their way out of judgement but, I believe God knows your heart and nothing you can say will change that. I don't know what is going to happen and I don't know if I can keep what I promised but, I want you and the Lord thy God to know that I tried so hard but, I can not fight everyone, I am getting tried and weak and I am asking for the Lords help. Please give everyone hugs and kisses up there and as always give doodles a big kiss on her sweet little nose from me. Love always Laura/Mommy and please Lord give me whatever I need to help me keep my mom safe,warm and let me keep my promise . "

"Hi Babe, It's the 9th day of Sept 2023 Daddy's birthday and 10 years since we lost Zena Marie. I didn't want her to think I forgot and I want you to give her a big hug and kiss for me and tell her I miss her so much. I have been having a rough couple of weeks so I am praying that changes. I miss you all so much and I wish and pray you could just come back home here with me. I just can not figure out what the game plan is here, why am I here, strange now that you have all the answers you can't talk to me. Please please watch over me and if there is any chance or way you can talk to me please try..I love and miss you all so much hugs and kisses to everyone...Love always and forever Laura and Mommy"

"Hi Babe, Well today our first born little baby boy turns 40, can you believe that? Oh how I wish you were here, I just can't believe it has been that long...He turned out to be a wonderful, caring, thoughtful young man, We should be so proud. I do wish and pray I was able to see him more, I know and understand he is busy I just wish I could see or speak to him more. I miss you so much and tonight I could really need some of your wisdom and advice. Tator and Braydon talked to me about things that I just totally disagree with and wish I could do something. I know they are not my children but,I feel so strongly that what they were saying is so wrong I just want to do something. I pray the Lord will stop this before it gets so out of control, we need the lord back in this country/world now and I pray he will come soon. Please stay with me and guide me through this crazy world I fear the kids are being so mis-lead and they are taking GOD all mighty out of everything, I just do not belong in this world any more and what they are doing scares me to death. The Lord has blessed us and me so much I can not believe he will allow this to happen. I don't know what he wants me to do and what power I would have over anyone. I am not the sharpest tool in the shed and God may have to kick me in the behind to get me to understand but, I need that kind of wake up call as I have no idea how to fix this. Any way please stay with me guide me and give me direction I am lost. Please say hello to everyone and give doodles a big kiss on her sweet little nose from me..I love and miss you sooooooooo much and I need your thoughts and advice...Love you always me..."

"Hi Babe, It's the 26th of Aug 2023, Douglas's birthday is coming up fast I got him some camping stuff as he wouldn't give me any ideas. Nothing much going on around here,Mom is slowly going down hill which is scary. The twins are doing pretty well sometimes I think Rozy feels a little lost as do I so I try to give her a little more cuddle time. Willow is doing well and she loves to cuddle a night. Rena and Zara are doing well with them both although I think Rena gets a little jealous but, I tell her she is my rock and as been through everything right along with me. I really wish things would be different I just hate this being here without you, nothing feel right and this time heals everything is a load of crap. I just wish this would end and I could just be with you.Everything seems so much and I just can't keep up and whats even worse is some times I just don't even want to any more. In few more days we will be in Sept and then winter which brings the holidays just that thought makes me, well it doesn't matter. I miss you so much and the only comfort I have is knowing you are happy, healthy and safe. Say hello to everyone and give doodles a big kiss on her cute little noses...Love always and I pray I see you soon....me "

"Hi Baby, I know its been awhile and i am sorry...It is the 9th of Aug. 2023. I guess I am having a not so good day...I feel like I have tried all the tricks to feel better and nothing seems to be working for me. I guess I have always been an old duck so maybe I'm to different then most to have any of the ideas to work. Most people say that it will get better with time what a crock of crap that is. You have been gone just over 2 long years and it still feels like yesterday. Now Corky is gone as well and even Danette appears to be doing far better then me and he just went to heaven a month and a half ago. Mom isn't doing to good these days and even through I know she is 97 and had a wonderful life it still scares me to think of losing her, then i guess I will be nothing more than a widow and a orphan. Douglas will be 40 in a few weeks can you believe that our little boy 40. Elizabeth is really enjoying her job up at the hills with Douglas and they are both making more money then either of us have ever made. I know you would be so proud of both of them as I am. I hope and pray you all are happy and healthy and I hope our furry kids are running free and playing all day long. The new twin girls are doing well, Willow is a little more well behaved then Rozy but, Rozy loves hugs and kisses you all day long. Rena is doing better she uses her leg now and hasn't held it up for awhile but, she has to be careful not to over use it. Well I guess I will sign off...Please give everyone hugs and kisses for me and as always give Doodles a extra big kiss on her sweet little nose.All my love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, well it's the 15th day of July 2023...By now I am sure you know that Corky was called home a few days ago. It appears as if God is filling heaven with a whole lot of excellent people the last several years. Dusty is taking it really hard so if you can please stay close to him and guide him through this time. I still miss you so much every day, losing someone is never easy but, losing your life partner whom you shared a home with and saw every day I think is one of the hardest loses there can be. I know losing a child is very hard and heart braking as children should never die before the parents. I pray God is catching every tear Corky's family is crying and is staying close to all of them and bringing them much needed comfort, We are all counting on the fact that you are by our side every day helping and guiding us on the right path. I love you and miss you so much...Please say hello and give everyone a big hug for me and as always give doodle bugs and extra little kiss on her cute little black nose...Love you always Laura"

"Hi Babe, Well it's the 29th of June 2023..You have been gone 2 years as of now 9:30pmI had a pretty rough day but, I new it would be.I know it has been over a month since I have wrote you, I guess i was actually attempting not to. Sometimes I really want to but, then I think I can't just keep doing this I don't really know if it helps or hurts. I know this will sound strange but, every day feels like I just lost you yesterday. I attempt to keep going back to that night but, everything is so fuzzy and a blurr yet it feels like yesterday over and over. I can't say I'm not doing ok because I want or need for nothing other than you that is. We did a good job of getting everything ready incase one of us did go the other one would be alright however we couldn't do anything to prepare for the emotional part.I have been praying alot and it does help yet there is such a huge hole and nothing feel the way it use to. I still love this house, yard and area and all in all I do feel safe and secure here. I do wish at times I was about 10 years older yet still able to keep up everything here I am just not looking forward to being alone for so long before I get to see you again. I know we joked about "would we date or remarry if one of us went long before the other but, I just can't even imagine that, I know the vows say until death do us part but, I just don't feel that way I still think of us as married. I don't think I could ever ever feel as comfortable with anyone else as I did with you. Although we went through so many things we never gave up and I believe God rewarded us with this house, property and allowed us to be free of payments although long with every Bible story God demands faithfulness and even in the worst of times we have to remember God is incharge and we must trust him and never turn away or forget the gifts he gave us.We went through so many tests throughout the years I guess this is one I must endure on my own. Not understanding what was really happening with you the last 6 months or so is another cross I must carry every day and I couldn't be more sorry that I was so stupid and I know i deserve to live with that shame and heartache every minute of every day. I do believe and know God is with me because of Rozy I have no dought whatsoever that was a sign letting me know just that, Willow was just the icing on the cake. The puppies are a lot but, they brought a lot of joy and happiness into your house.Elizabeth is liking her new job at LHS and even got to work with Douglas yesterday, it's kind of nice both our kids working together. Douglas still hasn't popped the question to taylor yet I hope they do make it I really like her and Lydia is such a little angel. The boys came over for a few hours the last few days and helped me work in the yard. I got 25 trees and planted them along the fence and we just filled it in with wood chips.I think once I get some decorations and lights it will look nice. I am really trying to keep everything up and looking nice I did not want to disappoint you I know how hard you worked on this place and I never want to make you think I am taking all of this for granted. Well I guess I will start writing you again as not doing it hasn't really helped either. I love and miss you so very much please give everyone hugs and kisses and give doodle bugs a big kiss on her cute little nose from mommy..Hugs and kisses baby.Love always, me."

"Hi Babe, It's the 2nd of May 2023...I know it has been a long while, I guess half of me thinks this is stupid but, the other half feels bad when I don't write you. It's been a rough few days, nothing to worry about just feeling down and missing you a lot plus Mom's back kicked in which is also pretty hard. I sure have a lot of things I could use your opinion on these days. John has been in the hospital for about 2 weeks but, Sharon said he maybe coming home today. He was having trouble's with his kidneys not working right which led to more issues but, with any luck he is back on the right track. The kids have been busy both started new jobs or at least new positions so they are busy learning new things. The puppies are doing well and they do add life back to the house, we have sit and shake down now we will work on lay and roll over we will we how that goes. Tomorrow they will be here 2 months already hard to believe. I have a phone meeting with your SS on the 11th so my fingers are crossed the extra money would come in handy as I spent to much the last 2 months or so and that would help to replenish. I pray you Zena, Ripzy Zoey and all our four legged kids are all together I miss you all so much. The world sure doesn't seem to be improving what so ever and I am just waiting for God to make his move as I think it is to far gone for any human to repair this mess.I am so thankful for this home and this property I thank God every day for all the blessings he gave us throughout the years I hate to even think how things would be if nothing had been paid off,or if God didn't bless you with all the know how he gave you to build all these beautiful things. Well I just wanted you to know I have not nor will I ever forget you. Please give everyone a hug and kiss form me and an extra kiss on doodle bugs little nose . Love and miss you all so much..love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe,..I know its been awhile sorry about that..It's the 28th of March a few more days and we will be into April. The puppies are doing well Willow ( Wiloughby) is growing although Rozy ( Ron-Ripzy) hasn't really gotten much bigger. They both keep me hopping throughout the day but, I haven't had any real issues. Other than the puppies nothing has really changed much day to day. I have been having some chest pains lately..I am not sure if it is stress related or its getting ready for the big one or it could be I pulled something bringing up wood,who knows. The last few days have been pretty nice and we did lose a lot of snow, I just hope we don't get anymore. I have to pay taxes next month so it's going to be a little tight and then for the next few months I have to replace the money I spent fixing the Rogue so it will be tight for awhile but, actually I don't really need anything so it should be ok. I just pray nothing else goes to crap although I still have to stick some money into the jeep and I have no idea what that will cost. The country is still going to hell as I am sure you must know or I think you would know I really have no idea, why would you worry about matters down here. Mom is doing ok she has more bad days than good ones but, who can blame her. Well that's about all I have Please send my love to all and please give doodle bugs a big kiss on her nose from me..I love you and miss you much...Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Babe, Everything is ok here we are getting along....The new puppies are doing well and Rens is a great big sister....Things are heating up down here and I hope and pray I am ready to what ever happens to come. I know God is moving and there is a lot of evil down here to deal with. As much as I miss you I do take comfort is knowing you are healthy and safe and you don't have the worries of this world. I think April and May are going to be rough, maybe we will not get hit so hard as those in the bigger cities. God's will..will be done and that is all there is to it....I miss you during these times more than ever as I am not sure what to do or how to do it..I must believe God will take care of us and bring us through the hard time as he has done so many times before. I think I have done what I could I just don't know what else to do. I would love to be able to sit down and speak with you about everything and get your thoughts and ideas. I don't know but, I don't think people understand what is happening or what is going to happen and I can not make anyone understand that really doesn't believe or understand what God is doing. I just hope and pray people turn from the evil ways and turn to the Lord he has written he wishes no man to parish. Please stay with us and guide us as much as you are able...Love to all and an extra kiss on Ripzy's sweet little nose from me..Love always..Laura/Mommy"

"Hi baby, I know it has been awhile actually I haven't written since your birthday..I guess I try not to some times because I don't know if it is helping move forward or holding me back..I really don't feel like I have moved on what so ever, the nights are still the same has they have been since you left.I did get two puppies Rozy (RO for Ron and ZY for Ripzy and Willow they are both doing really good and Rena is being excellent with them both. I just needed to bring some life back into this house....Mom was sick the other day and then sure enough I got it to but, I think we are both on the mend now. Liz seems to like her new job at LGSO and she is doing well, Douglas had a interview today for a promotion I haven't heard how that went yet. Liz signed both boys up for bible camp the same one her and Douglas went to which I think is a wonderful idea, and having them go to the same camp is even better. I sure wish I knew what God's plan was or is I feel just lost and hopeless, I have no idea what is going to become of my life and I really don't see any bright side. Well I don't want to just cry and complain about everything to you and it looks like it maybe another bad night...these are getting old, yet I can not seem to stop them. My heart and mind play a constant game of tug of war. Well give my love to everyone and an extra kiss on Ripzy Doodle Bugs sweet little nose for me....Love and miss you more and more each day..Laura/Mommy"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY>....68 today..I am so sorry I am not there to celebrate with you, either God didn't answer any of my several prayers or he did not listen, either way I am still here and you are still there. It was a rough day a lot of balling and what not, which I am sure or at least hope you already know. Sharon and John stopped by and John went and got me corn for the squirls so they stop eating the bird food. Gasco came and filled us up so we should be good for awhile again. I am just waiting for this day to end although I don't know why I know nothing will be any better tomorrow. I pray you had a wonderful birthday and I pray we will be together for your next one or even for mine that would be great. Please give everyone my love and give Doodle Bugs a big kiss on her cute little black nose for me..I miss her so much....I can't really do this for long as the tears just won't stop today...I am sorry...I love you and miss you so much....Love me."

"Hi Baby..I am so sorry once again it's been o long...I been having a lot of mixed feeling lately and I really haven't done anything to write about. I went and looked at a puppy named summer and put 2100 dollars done on her and then found some other puppies that looked alot like Doodle bugs just to find out they were all spoken for, I guess part of me is happy after all my greatest wish is to have all the doggies find nice loving forever homes. I thought I would have brought summer home already but, nothing seems to be going right..she and her siblings are on medication and she is not ready yet. I have been feeling so down and depressed I thought having summer here and maybe her sister would cheer me up but, she/they are not here and I do not know when she/they are coming. You have been gone for a year and a half and I did not feel any better than the first day I actually still haven't made it through one whole day without balling my eyes out. Every one keeps saying it will get better with time ..I think that is a load of crap unless they actually means several years which I do not see me getting too feeling like this. I know it is not my choose to make but, I feel like everything that would possible make me feel better God is blocking and not allowing it to happen which in some ways makes me think maybe what I some time think is the right thing. This is like being between a rock and a hard place situation. If you really think about it I am not needed here any more other taking care of Mom but, I know someone will step in at least I would hope so I mean you just can't throw someone away just because they are old and need help. She still have a lot of wisdom to share for those who really wish to learn. I am so sick of hearing this is a great time to be a live..I can not even imagine a worse time. I do thank God for all the blessings I do enjoy each day he has blessed us so much throughout the years and he gave you so much wisdom to be able to build this wonderful home which I could not be more grateful for although he did let us go through so many trails some of which we passed with flying colors and some we struggled with the whole time and some of which i struggles with to this very day. I guess I keep struggling with the same question day after day when do I know when enough is enough, When is it time to admit defeat and throw in the towel and how do I know when that time is. Is God actually waiting for me to make the move? or am I just testing him? I don't know. My wish is not to cause anyone any pain but, then again I know life will move on and they all have their own battles to conquer and over come and I fear I have become more of a problem than blessing these days. I some times think if Mom wasn't here the answer would be much easier for me, and maybe that is why she is still here but, then I think why is this happening with Summer maybe not giving me a reason to hold on is actually what he is attempting to get through to my head.. I never had two more complete opposite thoughts or signs before.. he really needs to pick one or the other. If this is some kind of strange test I just feel I don't need another hill to climb or bridge to cross over. I know you were a good loving,caring and thought man but, for some reason you had your own hills you had to climb and I really believe God brought us together for me to help you and I did do a lot of thing right but, I now know I did a lot of things wrong, however I always did attempt to do what I felt was the best thing for you, I just wanted you to be happy and have little worries and I knew if I could just get us debt free and own your own home things would be better and you wouldn't feel like you never accomplished anything and we did it although it just wasn't soon enough. You should have had more time to actually enjoy it, some times I think back and say to myself if I would have worked a few more days a week or if I would have went back to school sooner but, what if's will never be and I can not change that. It was so important to me to make sure the kids had a home a real home and I did pay a price for that being gone so much but, I still think giving them a home was worth it and making sure you would be taken care of was worth it....but,know things have gone people have gone and things have moved on and that time has also passed away. I do not regret working so hard and getting things done That I believed to be important what I do regret is not making sure you understood your and the kids happiness and security was what I was attempting to accomplish.I know I could have done some things differently but, at the time I did truly believe with all my heart what and how I did them was the only way I knew how. Well that's about all I guess this is some thing I have to figure out for myself which is hard as I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. Say hello to all and give everyone my love and please please give doodle bugs a big kiss on her sweet little nose from me...love and miss you all...Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby Happy Valentines day....I miss my flowers and balloon, I do have the last balloon you got me it's hanging in your room. The car wouldn't start this afternoon but, it's alright now I needed a new battery. Well tomorrow afternoon I am going to look at some puppies we will see how that goes everything is so different now. If I do bring one home I was thinking of calling her ROZY Ro for ron and zy for ripzy what do you think? There's alot of strange things happening down here, It just seems like one thing right after the other and none of it good. Well thats all I have tonight It's kind of been a long day and I am wore out..Say hello to all and give doodlebugs a big kiss on her cute little nose for me..Love and miss you all....Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, It's the 10th of Feb, 2023...Sorry about yesterday's letter but, thats pretty much what I was/am feeling. I just watched flashpoint which kind of helps me look at things in a better light. Although I basically still feel the same I am attempting to look at what I am and should be grateful for. Joe had the wood delivered today and it is a load full, It went up slightly but, not as much as I was expecting. I hope that guys that uses that big machine can do it this year I feel funny asking Dusty as John as told me that Dusty says I always ask him to work so much he never get to relax although John was talking about the cottage I guess that would be for here as well. I don't want to take advantage of him or anyone else and if I could do it myself I would but,my limitations are many. I am going to have to start doing more things on my own,somethings with mom might be a challenge but, I will figure it out one way or another since I guess I am stuck here for the time being. I washed some of the drapes today I love the wood heat but, it does make things dirty. Rena's next vet visit isn't for a month as the vet has a eye surgery and will be out for awhile I hope that doesn't set any of her healing back. Joann called yesterday not much new over there either although she is working more as her boss and the only other hair cutter is out sick, but other than that pretty much same old stuff.She said it was snowing down there but they really didn't get much snow this winter. I guess it's going to be pretty nice as far as the temp.goes this week high 30'slow 40's pretty good for Feb. Well I guess I will let you go, I sure hope you can see these letters or at least know how much I love and miss you. Please say hello to everyone and give Doodlebug's a big kiss on her sweet little black nose, I miss doing that so much...Love to all Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Once again I"m very sorry for not writing you sooner.It's the 9th of Feb.2023. I haven't been feeling the best, I'm not sick I'm just sick of this life. I'm actually growing tired of waiting for God to do something, Each day is worse then the next. I was going to go to this party thing for past and current workers of LGSO but, I don't think I'm going to. Everyone will be with someone and have stories about what they have been up to and although I am happy for them all I just have nothing to share and nobody to go with,not that I want any one but, you. I don't want you to think I am not grateful for this house and everything you have done believe me I am very grateful but, without you here to share it with the gratefulness is starting to wade away. I do feel a sense of usefulness taking care of mom the puppies and Diamond I love them all so much but, that to is fading away. I just feel so tired all the time and I haven't returned anyone from works calls, I just don't want to talk to anyone. I was going to go and look at some puppies at the Forest County animal shelter but,now I am thinking I don't know if I would be good at that any more either and how fair is that to such a little helpless puppy. This house that I loved now seems empty and sad and I don't know if bringing a puppy into it would be good for the puppy I am sure there are several people that could do a better job then me right now. All i can think is I must have done something really bad to have God punish me in this way and If I could figure that out or take what ever I did back I would. I often wondered what could be so bad in someones life that they would actually chose not to remain here and I guess I understand now, A person can only wait for something to change for so long before one just has to realize nothing is getting better and the light at the end of the tunnel has gone dark. I couldn't even gather up enough energy to clean today of fold the one basket of laundry I have sitting on the bed. My entire life is getting up, helping mom on and off the toilet throughout the day and going to bed, what a life. Well I guess you are pretty sick of me by now so I willlet you go. Please say hello to everyone and give Doodle bugs a huge kiss on her cute little nose for me...I miss her so much...and please speak to the Lord and tell him I am ready, willing to come home he sure isn't listening to me....I love and miss you every minute of every day...Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Sorry it has been so long, It's Feb, 4th 2023...Nothing really has changed as far as things go...I still miss you every day and nothing is getting better or worse it just stays the same. It's funny every one else goes on with life as it should but, for me I feel just stuck. I need or want for nothing yet here I am every day is the same. This house feels so empty without Doodle bugs and I miss everything about her. I keep attempting to research life but, the more I read and listen the dumber I get right when I start to think I am getting it something comes to mind that brings me right back to the start line. I did call Joe and order more wood although he couldn't give me a date yet. John has not been feeling so well these days and Sharon doesn't know what to do with herself half the time either. I know they say life is a gift but, not from where I am sitting. Mom had a pretty bad night last night..I am still not sure what was going on but, she was pretty upset. The kids and grandkids are doing well although I don't see them to much these days they have their own lives to live and they are busy. Now Butch is up there with you too and Cathy is alone I hope she is doing well although if she is anything like me I know how hard it is. Well thats about it as I can hardly see through the tears tonight..Please give my love to all and give Doodles a big kiss on her cute little nose for me..Love and miss you all...I hope and pray I will see you all soon..Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Sorry it has been so long...I never really do or here anything so there is not much to talk with you about. The world is still a mess and getting crazier each passing day. I just want to be done and come live with you, Well not until Mom goes to be with dad but, any time after that would be just fine with me. I am not much more than a pain in the back side to anyone these days and I am trying not to be a pain to anyone so I am attempting to pay the bills on this new system but, ofcourse I didn't actually get it all right. I have been limiting my requests from getting things from walmart (extra) and I have drove myself there twice now I think. I don't really need for anything and I love the house, yard, ect..but, actually this isn't a life...I am not complaining I know there are so many people that have so much less I just miss you and doodles and the house feels so empty all the time. It's alittle depressing to hear " why can't I just die already" almost every day in some form or another so maybe that's getting to me alittle also. Well enough complaining about things I have no reason or right to complain about...Please give all my love to all and remember how much I love and miss you and I wish I was with you..Give Doodle Bugs a big kiss on her cute little nose for me, I miss everything about her but I miss kissing that little nose so much. Love you Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, It's the 12th of Jan, 2023..Tomorrow will be Friday the 13th....I worked on the driveway a good part of the day attempting to remove some of the ice and the stuff that falls off the roof. It's been in the 30's all week so everything is melting which is good. We have been having three deer in the front yard almost every night eating all my bird food. Elizabeth called this evening and said Dusty had broken 2 of his ribs and is in a lot of pain and they are painful. It was just a freak accident he didn't fall or anything but, he is going to be one hurting unit for awhile. Douglas finally made it home from his Hawaii vacation yesterday afternoon. What a mess that was they shut down all air travel for a whole day which hasn't happened since 9/11. I told him I know your almost 40 but, no more air travel vacations for awhile my heart can't take the worry. He actually agreed and said the cottage is going to be vacations for awhile.Braydon's fever has broke but, the poor little guy is just wore out and can't stay awake so he is going to stay home tomorrow and hopefully a long weekend of rest will get him back up on his feet. Liz stopped by and grabbed some large ace raps so Dusty can hold his ribs tighter which I pray works I remember how much they hurt. I also sent some bean soup home with her for him going to the bathroom isn't going to be a picnic. Rena's appointment went pretty good yesterday I really think she knows we are attempting to help her feel better. I ordered her a leg brace which I hope comes tomorrow to help give her leg a little support. Jackie called today and her and Debbie are going to stop by Sat. to visit mom for a little while. Well that's about all I have for tonight...I love and miss you so much...please give everyone hugs and kisses for me and give Doodles a extra kiss on her little cute nose from me...Love you all so much and I can not wait until we are all together again.. Love Laura/ Mommy"

"Hi Baby, I didn't do anything today and I mean nothing....Braydon was still not feeling well today and stayed home from school but, Liz is going to try sending him tomorrow. Douglas is having a heck of a time..They left Hawaii late last night and were to arrive in Cwa at 12:35pm this afternoon but, the weather was so foggy they ended up going to Milwaukee and had to stay there several hours. Then they attempted to go back to CWA but, they still couldn't land and ended up in Chicago. The airline is putting them up in a hotel for the night and going to attempt to get them to CWA early Wed. morning. Doug said he was flying for 28 hours today. It looked like a wonderful vacation but, the ending sure could have been better. Please kept a watch over them and help them return home safe and sound. Rena's vet appointment is at 3:00pm tomorrow I hope that goes well then she has another appointment on the 16th which is Monday at the Animal hospital to get a good check over to make sure what is going on and figure out what we have to do next. I feel so bad for her she hardly uses that leg at all anymore. I am sure it is going to cost a arm and leg but, I can't make her go on like this much longer. Well that's about all for today...Hugs and kisses to all and an extra little kiss on Doodle Bugs cute little nose from me...I miss you all so much...Love Laura/Mommy."

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 9th of Jan 2023...Sorry it's been a few days,The truth is I really had nothing to share with you as I really haven't done anything worth reporting. Douglas and Taylor are coming back from Hawaii tonight and they will be landing at CWA at approx.12:30pm tomorrow. Thats a long flight with one layover. It looks like they had a wonderful time by the pictures they posted it sure is a beautiful place. Elizabeth had to stay home today as Braydon was not feeling well...He had a fever a day or so ago but, I thought he was feeling better as he went ice-fishing on Sunday. I have a vet appointment on Wed. for Rena so we will see where we are as far as what has to be done with her leg, she really doesn't use it anymore which worries me alot. Anyway other than that I really haven't done much..Liz took me to walmart the other day so I am set as far as that stuff goes. Well. I love and miss you much..please give hugs and kisses to everyone and an extra special kiss on Doodle Bugs little cute nose just from me...Love to all...Laura/Mommy"

"Happy New year Baby, It is Jan.1st 2023 and I still miss you like crazy...I don't really have any higher hopes for this year as the last two were really bad. Douglas should either be or will shortly be arriving in Hawaii shortly. They went with several other people so he should have a nice time and the weather should be wonderful not to mention all the pineapple one can eat..yummy. Liz stopped over today and we gave Mom a shower she hasn't had one since before Liz'a vacation so almost a month. The next two Wednesday's Rena has vet appointments so I hope the weather stays half way decent. Well I haven't done anything so nothing to report...Happy New year and hugs and kisses to everyone and an extra kiss on Doodle Bugs cute little sweet nose for me..Love and miss you all so much...Love Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Happy New Years Eve.....I hope you are doing well and doodle bugs is keeping you busy...Mom went to bed at 6:00 pm tonight and I am just about ready myself, I don't have any high hopes for 2023 as you most likely still will not be here....What happened to ask and you shall receive? I have asked and asked...Douglas just dropped off his kitty and is dropping off his doggie at Liz's before handing off to vacation tomorrow morning. I am just going to relax and wait till morning which means another year without you so not much to look forward to.I am not in the best of moods but, I did want to say happy new years eve...Hugs and kisses to all and an extra kiss on Doodle Bugs cute little nose from me....Love and miss you all ....Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, the kids and their families came over along with John and Sharon.. Liz and Dusty made a wonderful ham dinner with all the normal sides to go with it. Everyone got a few very nice gifts and had a good time,although I did catch myself looking over at the chair I new you would have been sitting in but, I did manage to hold myself together. The doggies ate so much they can't even move. I sent a plate home with Douglas and Sharon for their doggies as well. It sounded like both boys liked all the gifts we got them this year, their getting a little harder to buy for as they get older. I though the weather was going to start warming up a bit but, dusty said were going to get some sleet on either Tuesday or Thursday I can't recall what day he said. Rena goes to the vet on Wed. so I hope the roads will be in good condition. I do hope you were looking down on all of us today I would like to think you were here is some way. I am glad the holidays are over though they are pretty hard but, I think winter is here to stay for a long while. Well Baby...hugs and kisses to everyone and a special little kiss on Doodle Bugs nose form me..I love and miss you all so much..love Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby,...Merry Christmas! I bet there is a huge celebration up in heaven today celebrating the Lord's Birthday. The kids are coming over tomorrow along with John and Sharon. Although I realize the importance of the day celebrating is a lot harder without you here. I do hope and pray you are having a wonderful time celebrating with the Lord himself has to be the greatest thing ever. I hope all out furry kids are also having a great time running and playing and celebrating in their own way. Have a wonderful Christmas and please give everyone a hug and a kiss from me and mom and an extra kiss on Doodle Bugs little nose from me... Merry Christmas I love and miss you all."

"Hi Baby, Sorry it's been a few days I am not feeling the best....Happy Christmas Eve...I know it is nicer there then it is here..It has been so cold out -20,-30 below wind chills and -14 degrees in the mornings..burr...There a lot of people in New York without power or heat, some places have flooding its bad all over. Liz and the family went to dusty's parents house for Christmas dinner and I believe Douglas and family are eating at Taylor's parents house and then they both work tomorrow on Christmas day. We are having dinner here on the 26th for some reason the kids want to I guess, but, I really don't care one way or the other It's just not Christmas anymore I guess the time has now passed. I am sure many people in my shoe's feel the same way. It's starting to look like its going to be along cold snowy winter but, as they say you have to go through it to get it over with. I picked the boys up a few more things yesterday for Christmas some boots, jogging suits and a coat nothing they really couldn't use. Starting the 1st of the year I have to really get back on track...which should be fine as I have plenty in the house it's all the bad habits that cost so much. I bet God and Jesus really celebrate Jesus's birth hard there , I hope you are having a wonderful time and I hope all our furry kids are having the time of their lives as well. Things down here are just getting crazier and crazier right when you think it couldn't get any worse it does. I believe God is the only one who can fix this mess I think it is way to far gone for any person to do anything. Jackie called and I guess Mike is going through a lot of pain and it doesn't sound like the Dr. knows why or how to help him. I guess everyone else is doing alright, although Sharon said Kevin and his family are all sick this Christmas. I didn't know what to get Mom so I just got her a big barrel thing full of cheese balls, I know she like's them...lol I have been putting the slippers you got me our last Christmas together on her as her foot get like ice and sock's hurt her toes. Well Baby, that's about all, I am going to take some more meds so my nose stops dripping. Merry Christmas Eve and hugs and kisses to all and an extra little kiss on Doodle Bugs sweet little nose from me..I love and miss you all...Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, It's Tuesday the 20th of December 2022...This is going to be short tonight I just didn't want you to think I forgot about you....I shoveled a lot today and I am starting to feel every bit of it. It sounds like Elizabeth got the 911 operator job as long as she passes her drug and hearing test which won't be a problem. I haven't heard anything from Douglas so I don't know how his boy's weekend at the cottage was. I hope they all had a good time. It sounds like it's going to get cold really cold -45 degrees wild chill BURR.... I did bring in some wood today as well and I will bring some more in tomorrow..Rena's vet appointment is tomorrow at 2:45 I pray all goes well there. Well baby like I said short and sweet tonight as it is late and I feel every bit of that shoveling today...getting old...how I wish I could have grown old along side you. Please give hugs and kisses to all and as always an extra kiss on Doodle Bugs little sweet nose for me...I love and miss you all every minute of every day...Love always Laura/ Mommy"

"Hi Baby, It's the 19th of December 2022....I finished listening to the book of Genesis and started the book of Exodus my goal is to listen to and read a long in the Bible until I get to the end however long that takes. Other than doing that I really didn't do much today, Rena has a Vet. appt. on Wed at 2:45pm and I don't really plan on going anywhere until then. I am hoping something can be done other than surgery but,we will see..it is what it is I guess. Things just appear to be getting crazier and crazier down here....but, I am trusting in God and believe he has this in his control, as the song goes "he has the whole world in is hands" It is just getting harder and harder to know who is telling the truth and who is not. They say this is almost over but, we have been waiting so long and thought it was going to be over several times. These are the times that I feel good that you, dad Ripzy, Zara, Zoey and all the others are safe and healthy and God saved you all from going through this nightmare. They said God places everyone where he needs you although I don't know what I can possible do and so far he has not let me know that I am aware of anyway. He must know something about me that I am not aware of,either way as for me this property and this house we will serve the Lord. I just feel better knowing you are up there taking care of all our furry little kids and you are all safe even though I miss you all so very much. I pray and pray that Gods mighty hands are moving and he will put an end to all this as he is the only one who can. They took God out of the world and the world fell apart. I know that he has the power to change all things in a twinkle of his eye and he and only he knows what has happened what is happening and what will happen. I am attempting to place my entire faith in him and I truly do trust in him, it's just hard not to lose sight when you are surrounded by nothing but bad and sad news. I just have to work harder and pray more and ask for his help to over come. Well Baby, hugs and kisses to all, I love and miss you very much and I have a heavy heart that I just wasn't smart enough to really understand all your struggles here. I just want to you know I only wanted the best for you for us that's why I fought so hard. I never meant to make you feel bad or unwanted or unloved never I just wanted the best for us all and I never meant to cause you any pain or suffering. I now understand and know I sure could have handled everything much better and for that I am sorry. Even though we had rough times you were the best thing that happened to me...and we made two wonderful children...Please give Doodle Bugs her extra little kiss on her little cute button nose for me..All my love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, It's Saturday the 17th of December 2022....Liz picked me up at about 1pm and took me shopping at walmart,I actually stayed on budget this time which is harder now that everything is so pricey. Aiden stayed here and watch G-ma for me and he brought me in some firewood which was nice as I have told you it for some reason getting harder to do. I made a batch chilli today for tomorrow or for however long it last. It's kind of hard to cook now, I make all the same stuff but, we end up eating it for several days. The snow plow guy came this afternoon which was great..I guess he has been plowing and plowing, I was getting a little concerned he didn't understand that I wanted him to keep doing it each year. He did a good job so I paid him and gave him some muffins I had made. I think I am all done with Christmas stuff except I didn't get anything for Mom not that she would care one way or the other. I hope the boy's will understand and remember the Mexico trip was the big part of their Christmas gift as I really didn't get them much else. Well that is about all I have tonight honey, I love and miss you so much....Give hugs and kisses to everyone and as always give doodle bugs an extra big kiss on her little cute black nose for me..Love always and forever Laura / Mommy. xxoo PS. please keep watching over us all we need it."

"Hi Baby, Well it is Friday the 16th of December 2022....We got the cow today and split it all up. Douglas came down and was able to take his home which was good because I didn't really have room and it was a lot to keep out on the deck in cardboard boxes witch would have gotten wet and fallen apart. Since we gave Liz and her family that Mexico trip I only got the boys like two things each which Liz ordered for me on the computer so I don't have to try and find something at walmart. We also ordered Lydia's gift as well so between the few gifts, the trip and the cow I am done and broke. I am really going buckle down this coming year and replace my savings if possible. The way things are going I am just waiting for the next bad thing to pop out....Douglas and a few friends went up to the cottage this weekend, I hope all goes well as they have to turn on the water and then back off again, hopefully one of the guys will know something about that kind of stuff. The plow guy still hasn't come yet I hope he knows I want him to. Liz said dusty talked to him early about it so I don't know if he is that busy or what. I don't know what everyone's doing for Christmas this year but, I pray they have it at liz's house or anywhere but here. I think this Holiday season is even harder than last year, I just don't feel like celebrating whatsoever. Nothing's the same and I know I should focus on making new memories but, I like the memories I have and I just want to keep those. I actually just wish the entire season was just over or I could just go to bed and stay there until they were. I am getting very tired of people telling me to stop worrying and getting upset over everything, sometimes I wish I could just take the dogs and go somewhere where nobody knows me and I could just live on some land in a house the size of a one car garage with a huge fence around it and maybe a nice big pond and a garden. Everything seems to be getting so hard to keep up with just bringing in wood is get harder. Well I don't want to bore you with any more of my issues so as always Ilove and miss you tons...Please give hugs and kisses to all and give Doodle bugs an extra kiss on her cute little nose for me...Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, It's the 14th of December 22...Liz and I took Rens to the Vet yesterday and she has to have surgery on her right back left leg. Although Sharon's neighbor said they said the same ting about her dog and she took her dog to a special Dr in rhinelander and it took 6 months but, he is fine now without surgery. I think I may check that out it can't hurt. We are having a ice storm here and then it going to change to snow sometime tonight or early morning 6 to 18 inches depending where you are. Some places a little south from us have lost power I pray we don't but, the snow is going to be heavy they say. Maybe I will have the big one attempting to shovel it....that would be about right. Liz took off today because of the weather and Douglas had the day off so thank goodness they were not driving, although tomorrow doesn't sound like it's going to be much better. Rena and Zara got refills on their medications and Rena also got a muscle relaxer. I feel so bad for her hopping around but, the pills does help her relax and sleep. Trying to keep a doggie off her leg is a huge undertaking she just doesn't want to sit still for long. They say the surgery will be 4,500.00 most likely 5,000 after rehab and what not which although is a lot I will pay she is worth it but, I think I will check out Lee's ( Sharon's Neighbor ) Dr. in Rhinelander just for piece of mind and if don't have to spend the money that would help too. Rena and I haven't really been apart much and when we were you were here and she was in her own home, I don't think she will like being without me and she will be so scared which makes me feel bad. It's so hard because they just don't understand what is happening. It just seems like bad things are happening one right after another and I know it could have been worse but, this is plenty bad. Liz got a call from Langlade and has to go in and get a drug test for the job she applied for so she is still in the running, the wheels of justice move slowly. Well that's about it for tonight as always love to all and give Doodle Bugs wiggle bump a extra special kiss on her sweet little cute black nose...Love to all and miss you all....Love Laura/Mommy"

"Hi baby, It's the 12th of December 2022..Well I ran into town this morning and went to the post office to mail those pillows I told you about..$44.00 to mail 3 pillows how crazy is that, they weight nothing. I swear I no longer belong in this crazy world. I thought we were getting our cow tonight so I attempted to clean out/rearrange the freezer that didn't go well, but, I did what I could. Turns out we are getting the cow on Friday instead although I don't know as the weather is not going to be on our side. Rena as a Vet. appointment tomorrow at 4pm but, the freezing rain isn't scheduled to come until 7 ish so I hope we make it there and back without any trouble. I don't know if it is Rena's leg, hip or foot but something in her right back leg area isn't right.She either limbs on it or holds it up and doesn't put any weight on it at all however when I move it around and bend it she is fine with it, so I have no idea I just pray it is a sprain or twist something like that. Zara"s ear is better than it was but, it is not cured and still bothers her I think she needs another round of pills as we already went through a tube and a half of the ear cream. I swear between losing you in 21 losing Ripzy in 22 and now with both doggies having issues I just feel so over whelmed and then you put Mom on top of the pile and wow...I just can not catch a breath. Bringing up firewood is kicking my ass I can't even count how many times I have fallen down that ramp, I am getting old and just can't seem to keep up any more. At this rate Mom is going to out last me and personally If I was sure someone would take her in and take care of her I would be just fine with that, I am so ready to go although the doggies would have to come with. It sounds like we are going to get freezing rain then snow a few inches I guess so I better bring up a few days worth of wood tomorrow morning. I know I am only going to be 60 but, man this year has hit me like a ton of bricks..My back hurts all the time,my legs are really bad and that balance of nature that I have been taking for my gut problem doesn't seem to be working as good as it use to. Everything is going all at once which depending on how you look at it can be good or bad I guess. Mom's legs are getting weaker and weaker which means more lifting and some days it can be pretty hard. God bless her heart she try's and it is not any fault of hers I personally think for someone going on 97 she is doing very well. She still has a unbelievable memory but, she does struggle to find her worlds. She knows what she wants to say but, sometimes has trouble getting the right words out which has to be fustrating for her. It doesn't help that her ears and eye's are getting worse all the time but, all in all I think she is doing very well for her age. I have to make a DR. appointment for her soon, I just wish it wouldn't be in the winter as it takes 3 or 4 of us to get her down thher own life and If I don't stope stairs and in the car. She only has to go 2 or 3 times a year which wasn't an issue when she was able to walk but, now it is harder , you have to take her or they won't refill all her meds. I have been thinking and I have to start doing more things on my own, I have been leaning on Liz way to much, she has her own life to live and I am afraid she is going to start hating me and that's the last thing I would every want. Next time she comes over I am going to have her really show me this new bill pay thing and start doing it on my own. I am just going to have to trust God to keep mom safe as I run into town or to the bank ect...But, I can not keep taking all her time. Maybe tomorrow morning if the weather holds out I will run to Antigo and go to the bank and get the taxes taken care of for here and the cottage. It's funny but, I always felt pretty strong and independent but, know I feel anything but that. I guess I was those things because at certain times I felt I had to be but,now I have so many doubts and seem to worry about everything which as you know solves nothing. Going through harder times doesn't worry me as I have done that plenty it's having someone counting on me foe everything that worries me..Staying away to long can result in some really big problems. Well either way I have to get my back side in gear and do things myself...Well I have ranted enough for one day...As always hugs and kisses to all and an extra kiss on Ripzy's ( doodle bugs ) cute little sweet nose from me...I love and miss you all...Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Well it is the 11th of December 2022 and both your kids are home safe and sound. Thank you for watching over them. Douglas came over this morning and picked up his kitty but, his car rogue ) broke down on the way home I think it is junk now. I told him he can come get the car until he can buy another one. Elizabeth came over this evening and we paid off her trip and the monthly bills since snow is in the forecast I told her to go ahead and take the jeep as she has to drive to Wausau every day. So all I have left for Douglas is the car but, he is only 10 minutes away from work so that's not to bad. I don't need them as long as liz takes me shopping Monday to get the things I will need for a week or so. I worry about them driving in crappy weather with bad cars. Douglas said he is going to look at trucks this time....oh how far we have come...lol. I just heard on the news with all this crap about electric cars and hoe pricey they are to make and buy Jeep is moving to Mexico..unbelievable. Everything is going down the tubes here, the bigger cities are so unsafe things are so expensive nothing is good nothing. As much as I want you back home here with me I am glad you are safe, happy and healthy, the house just feels so empty without you and doodles. Well that's about all honey..as always all my love to all and an extra kiss on doodles bugs little cute black nose for me...I miss and love you all so much...love Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 10th of December 2022,..Liz arrived home safe and sound and Douglas is driving home tonight from MSP. Either Douglas or Taylor are going to let me know when they actually home. I pray the roads aren't in bad shape for driving. According to all the pictures it looks like they all had wonderful vacations. Douglas and Taylor are going on Vacation again the 1st of Jan.2023 so they are on the go a lot. I just wanted to tell you both kids are back in the USA safe and sound and to say thank you for keeping a eye on them and keeping them all safe. It snowed really lightly most of the day but, I guess Tuesday is going to end up with a few inches. Well until tomorrow my love to all and an extra kiss on doodle bugs nose from me. Love and miss you all.....Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Well it Friday the 9th of December 22, Liz and the family just landed at CWA about 10 or 15 minutes ago vacation is over. It's really going to feel cold after being in 80 degree weather for a week. I went over to their house about 2pm this afternoon and did the boys stockings and the elf on the shelve thing so they will have a little surprise when they get home. It sure sounds like everyone had a wonderful time I am glad we could do that for them at least we made one of her items on the list happen. Doug comes home tomorrow he fly's into MSP and has to drive back home I hope the weather won't be bad for driving. They are calling for snow on Tuesday I don't know how much yet but, it doesn't sound good. I have an appointment for Rena at the vet on tuesday so I will have to see what the weather actually does. I did a little cleaning today but, not much, I did make a warm safe house for my bunny friend under the big pine tree, I hope she uses it and is safe there. Well that's about it for the day here, so until tomorrow hugs and kisses to all and a extra kiss on doodles bugs little sweet cute nose for me....Love and miss you all so much....Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Well today was Liz's last full day of vacation they come home tomorrow about 10pm. It sounds like they made the most of it and had a all day fun day. Douglas comes home Saturday. I have to go over to liz's tomorrow afternoon and put the boys stocking up before they get home. Rena's right back leg has been bothering her on and off for about 2 weeks and yesterday she was holding it up so I called the vet and made her an appointment for tues. at 4pm. They gave me some pain meds to help her through so I had to go get them today, almost $60.00 for 15 pills...wow! although they did seem to help her so money well spent. After I pay everything for liz's trip off and get the cow paid I am really going to tighten the belt for awhile to rebuild the savings. It will be cold and icky outside so I am just going to stay here and with the beef,potatoes from Jolene and what I have in the freezer I shouldn't be in to bad of shape. I think it is going to be a cold dark winter the way the world is going. John Paul Jackson was so right..what was right is wrong what was up is now down everything is inside out...Remember I told you if they take God out of everything the world would fall apart? Well they did and it is. I know it sounds strange because I miss you so much but, I do find comfort in knowing you are happy, safe and most of all healthy. Just please take care of all our beautiful, wonderful furry kids ( I know you do ) they were such a blessing to our family...Love.hugs and kisses to everyone and an extra kiss on Doodle bugs cute little nose...Love and miss you..Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Sorry I didn't write last night, I had planned on writing you this morning but, well ya know it's been a rough day. I just wonder how long this will continue to go on. It sounds like the kids are both having a wonderful time...Liz and the family went swimming with the dolphins today. They we going to attend the park activities right next to the dolphins but, the park was closed so they are going to another park for a day of fun on Thursday. Tomorrow morning they are going deep sea fishing, Tator should really enjoy that. I hope his catches something huge. Taylor had her birthday on her vacation and I got a picture of her with this cake that had a huge firecracker looking candle in it and it look like the staff was singing happy birthday. She also sent a picture of her holding a little cute as a bug monkey. I filled out an application for a little 7 month old doggie here in merrill but, I wasn't picked....I prayed on it and I guess God didn't think it was the right one or it wasn't the right time. I am sure there will be plenty more this summer. The house just feel rather empty without you and doodle bugs. Mom had a pretty good day and again I didn't really do anything. Thursday I have to go to liz's and hang up the kids stockings and putout the elf on a shelve. Liz comes home Friday and Douglas comes home Saturday, then I think we have to pick up the cow. Well Hon that's about all I have for tonight..Hugs and kisses to all and an extra kiss on the nose for little sweet doodle bugs...Love and miss you all...Laura/Mommy"

"Hi, Baby, HAPPY 40th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY! This day should have been more like me putting a couple steaks on the grill for our anniversary dinner but, instead i'm writing you a letter. Well anyway...Liz sand the family seems to be having a wonderful time on their vacation, I haven't heard anymore from Douglas yet. I am very glad we made one of her dreams come true. I once again didn't do anything today other than take out the garbage. I found this little doggie who looks a lot like ripzy doodle bugs at the animal shelter here in town, her name is Nova. I wrote Kassie to ask what I would have to do to bring her home and you have to fill out an app. and bring Rena to meet her and I guess they run a credit / back ground check on everyone in the house. It sure isn't like it used to be. I am not worried about Rena but, Zara maybe a little upset. She is so cute and I love her already but, I wonder if I am taking on to much but, than again I had three before. She's 6 months old and is black and white just like Ripzy. I guess I will sleep on it and ask God to help me make the right call. I think no matter what I am going to have to get my but in gear and start doing something tomorrow..oh I also brought in wood today so that is something. Well that's about all as always hugs and kisses to everyone and doodle bugs gets a extra kiss on her cute little nose. Love you all and miss you all...Laura/mommy"

"Hi Baby, Well both our kids made it to their vacation destinations without any problems. Liz's plane was delayed in CWA making it a close call to catch their connecting flight but, they did make it. Douglas said " this place is amazing" so I think he is enjoying it so far. Liz's and her family got to the hotel and they all were staving so they went out to eat and I guess they were going to the beach afterwards. Like she always said she wanted to put her toe in the ocean. I pray they all have a wonderful amazing time without any troubles. Tomorrow is our 40th wedding anniversary...I think it going to be a hard sad day but, I am going to trust in God that he knows what is best for both of us. Even though I do not see it now maybe some day I will have the knowledge and understanding I require to make sense of it all. Mom had a pretty good day today I however really didn't do to much. I was hoping to start Genesis but, that didn't happen today maybe tomorrow. I miss all of you so much, the house seems so empty without you all here. I am babysitting Douglas's cat but, she don't feel to at home yet although she is eating and she allows me to pet her for a short period of time. Well that's about all I have. as always hugs and kisses to all and give doodles an extra kissy on her nose for me and tell them all I love them very much. Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Well Liz and her family leave on their trip early early tomorrow morning. They will be gone until the 9th. I guess it is a good day to go since it's only going to be a high of 17 degrees tomorrow and Mexico is going to be 84 degrees. Douglas and Taylor take off from IL. airport tomorrow morning as well. Liz took me shopping and to the bank today so with any luck I won't have to go anywhere while she is gone.I forgot to order mom's pills today which is bad because now I have to wait until Monday but, it should be ok. I don't know if I have been sleeping funny or if lifting mom is doing it but, lately my back has just been killing me. Everything here is good I guess It's not the same without you and doodle bugs thats for sure but, we are making it day to day some how. I would go and get another dog asap but, I am worried about Zara as she just doesn't like other dogs and I don't need any fighting. Then I think maybe I shouldn't as I do feel my plate is pretty full with mom and the two doggies that are still with me and of course diamond who may not like having another unknown dog in the house. The house just feels so empty now. I was going to read the book of Genesis with Wendy last month but, I didn't do it..I have to sit down and get that done hopefully while liz is away something to keep me occupied and teach myself something. Please keep watch over the kids as they are on their vacations, ask Father God to place his armor over them to keep them safe, I have been asking him too. I sure wish I knew why he took you home so early in your life and why he didn't heal you. I guess since you are happy,healthy and safe God taking you home so early is more painful for me so once again I am being selfish. I never want you to feel bad you fought a good fight I would just be over joyed to have you back. I am glad that you were there for doodle bugs and I pray she is having so much fun and is playing and playing. In 2 more days will be our 40th wedding anniversary, I know our vows said "till death do us part" but as for me we are still married although i don't know what God has in store for the rest of my life. I do know however what ever it is it will be right and I will do my best to trust him even if it sounds frightening. Well baby until tomorrow please give hugs and kisses to everyone and give doodles a extra kiss on her little black button nose. I miss you and love you all...Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Well here it is December 1st. 2002....Douglas came over and brought his kitty whom I am babysitting while there are away on vacation ..She is a cutie, although diamond doesn't know what to think about her. Dusty and Liz also came over to give Zara her ear meds. Douglas and Elizabeth brough over their trip info..you know the plane number flight info and hotel info ect...I pray they all have a wonderful time. I did clean up the hutch today although I only got half way on the cabinets did one have one to go. Liz and I gave Mom a shower so she should be good for awhile.Liz and I are going to Antigo tomorrow to get a few things before she leaves. I don't want to run into town while they are gone leaving mom home alone. Douglas drives to Minn. tomorrow and takes off Sat. morning and Liz takes off from mosinee early sat. morning. Make sure you watch over both of them. I guess Tator and Brydon are getting excited Braydon was nervous about the plane but, I think he will like it. I hope Tator catches some really big monster fish, something he will remember forever. Either way I just hope they are all old enough to remember the trip. The phones now take such good pictures they should get some nice ones to place in a album. Well as always hugs and kisses to all..I love and miss you more and more each day..Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, Well I kept pretty busy today attempting to get into Christmas a little bit. I baked 24 muffins and 4 loafs of bread, I decorated a little and listen to some good old Christmas music. It was cold and windy outside today, I thought baking would help heat up the house a little more.Tomorrow I have to tackle the hutch as it has collected a lot of junk and it is so nice I don't want it looking all messing and full of crap, plus it makes the whole room look messy. Although I am attempting to be joyful in the day the Lord has made I have to say the holidays are really hard without you here. All the people I listen to on the computer say the same thing. Keep moving forward you don't know what God has planned for the rest of your life, but, know that he made you to be here in this time going through whatever you are going through for a reason...trust in him! Believe me I really think I am trying to do just that however some times are easier than others. Losing Doodle bugs right before the holidays didn't help anything either although I know she was having a hard time with just about everything. I really don't know what I would have done in the winter she sure couldn't just walk around outside in the snow, cold, wind, she was so skinny, and the snow always stuck to her feet. I pray she is just having so much fun chasing her balls and running through fields of beautiful wild flowers with her sister Zena, at least that's how I like to picture her. Well as always I love and miss you so much...Hugs and kisses to everyone and I hope to see you all soon...Love always Laura/Mommy"

"Hi baby, Well it rained almost all day and now it is changing over to slushy snow. i pray the roads will be ok for people driving to work in the morning. I guess they said very windy tomorrow, I am so grateful I don't have to go any where any more if I chose not to. Some other southern state are having really bad weather tonight, twisters coming in the middle of the night in a bad situation. I kept busy today, I made a crockpot of pea soup which I placed in the freezer, made a hot dish for tomorrow's dinner and we ended up having chicken tonight. I thought if the weather was going to be crappy tomorrow I would make some muffins and bread. Using the oven will help heat up the house as well. I am not looking forward to winter at all, I think it can be pretty and even relaxing at times but, being alone makes everything seem dull,cold and the days are so long. I think I am going to order some more wood from Joe within the next month or so before the prices really go up. Well hugs and kisses to all....love and miss you all very much....Laura/Mommy"

"Hi Baby, It's the 28th of November 2022.....I didn't do much again today I just can't seem to get going on anything. I did get the towels I ordered from my pillow they seem pretty nice. Liz applied for a 911 dispatcher position at Langlade County. She made it through to the background check portion so far. The background check have gotten crazy she brought over a 21 page package she had to fill out. They want to know everything. She finished filling out most of it here but, she has to call the highschool and NTC and get the paperwork sent to LGSO. I heard on the news that the weather is going to get bad rain, sleet, snow starting tonight or tomorrow morning so I had Liz take the jeep home, as I don't plan on leaving the house and she really needs a new car or truck. I just don't care for driving in bad weather as you are well aware and I would rather she drive a reliable car. Both the kids trips are coming up fast please keep and eye on them and send angels to help guide their way there and back safely. I dislike the thought of going through another long hard winter without you, the days and nights just seem to last forever. It would be nice if she did get this position working for the same department as I did but, I think it will be nights and that maybe hard for her to get use to. Well please give hugs and kisses to everyone and a special kiss on doodle bugs little black cute nose that's where I kissed her all the time. I love and miss you all so much....Laura/Mommy"

"Hi baby, Well it is the 27th of November 2022 Elizabeth's 37th birthday. I pray you watched over her today and helped her celebrate with cake tonight. We went to walmart today and she filled the jeep up with gas so I shouldn't need anything while they are all gone on vacation. I told Douglas to call me before he leave's on vacation but, sometimes he remembers and sometimes not, so we will see. I hope he remembers. Other than running to walmart and getting gas I didn't do much else. I can't believe Christmas is less than a month away not that I plan on doing much. I just like staying here at home where you and doodle bugs are all around me. I think Zara's ear is getting better but, I am going to try and get her another tube of hear drops just to be safe. I know she doesn't care for them but,it has to be better than having a ear ache all the time. Well nothing else to report so hugs and kisses to all...Love you much......Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 26st of November 2022. Tomorrow is Elizabeth's 37th Birthday...I can't believe our little girl is going to be 37...We made and raised two of the best children anyone could ever ask for. I am going to make this letter really short as the computer is acting strange and I don't want to lose this letter. I just want you to know that I think about you every day several times during the day and actually most of the day. Everything in this house reminds me of you which is the reason I will never leave this house at least by choice. Make sure you check in with Liz tomorrow and wish her a happy birthday. We bought her a heated vest thing used for hunting or just in cold weather I guess, anyway that's what she picked out and she likes it. Please watch over both kids and their families while they are away on their trips that would bring me a lot of comfort. Well this computer is being crazy so I am going to let you go..hugs and kisses to everyone and give our furry kids an extra big hug from me, I miss them so much. I pray doodles is doing well I her so much...I love and miss you every minute of every day....Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the end of another day. It has been pretty warm the last few days so most of the snow has melted. I am welcoming the warmer weather so I don't have to use the heat so much. I have been limiting myself to two or three hours of heat per day and using the wood stove most of the time. You would be shocked at these prices 4 and 5 dollars for a dozen eggs it's just crazy. We are still doing alright once I get Liz's trip and the cow paid for I am going to really tighten my belt. I think with these prices and everything going up my best bet is it stock up on what I can and just cut back on the things I don't need. Gas prices are going to sky rocket I believe but, thank the good Lord I don't really drive very much and a full tank can last me a month if not longer. Both the kids will be departing on their trips in a week, I pray everything goes well and neither of them have any problems and they just have a nice time. I don't know if I told you but, I did buy a new wood stove it's a little bigger but meets all the codes. It was more than I really cared to spend but,if I am right and gas is going to go through the roof I guess it was money well spent.I just got another 50#'s of taters from Jolene so we are good there and the cow goes in at the end of the month so unless we loss electric my freezer should be full and if worst comes to worst at least in the winter you can put the food out on the deck. Either way a person can only do and prepare so much then we have to pray God see us through the bad times. We are going to split the cow three ways between me,Doug and Liz. Since it is just Mom and me know I will not require to much.I would like to keep the soup bones though because I boil them up for the doggies. I don't have much to tell you about the day as I didn't do much (again) just messed around here in the house. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving I am sure the good Lord put on a nice spread. Hugs and kisses to all..I miss and love you ...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Happy Thanksgiving! I bet you all celebrate hard up there. I didn't do Thanksgiving this year although Yesterday Douglas, Taylor and Lydia showed up with two really large pizza's and then Dusty and Braydon came over. A few minutes later Tator showed up on the four-wheeler and Liz came about a half hour after that. I didn't know anyone was coming over, Thank goodness I took a shower and actually got dressed that day. Anyway we just all ate pizza and talked about their up coming trips. It was very nice and no stress like cooking a big meal like a whole Thanksgiving dinner. I ordered some picture pillows for your sisters for Christmas this year it is a picture of the five of you from when we went to Cathy's for her daughters wedding. Everyone looks so young . I hope they will like it. I know I get a lot of comfort with my doggie blanket. I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving and I miss you so much and the holidays are even worse as far as that goes. Tell everyone and all our furry kids I love and miss them all give them all hugs and kisses for me..Love you...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 22nd day of Nov. 2022, Elizabeth's Birthday will be in 5 days and they leave on their trip to Mexico in 10 days so it will be a busy few weeks for her with getting everything packed and ready to go. Douglas and Taylor are also going on a trip and it skips my mind where right now...they will both be gone at the same time. The dominic Republic thats where Doug's going and I know I spelled that wrong. I pray they all have a wonderful time. Zara has been suffering with a ear infection for some time, we took her to the vet and she was given pills and ear drops which she doesn't care for. It takes Liz and Dusty working together to get the drops in but, she is getting better with that as I think her ear doesn't hurt as much. Rena is doing pretty good I think she has lost some weight not much but her collar is bigger on her than before. I pray doodle bugs is doing ok...I miss her so much I called her my angle with angles because she fell through the railing and right down to the bottom floor in the tv room and didn't really get hurt. I believe you helped her land softer and I thank you so much for that. It never crossed my mind that she would ever fit through the railing actually a lot of thing don't cross my mind any more and if they do I don't remember them. I have so many emotions lately half the time I wish we could have our lives back from like the year 2019 or so. Before you really started to get sick and everything seemed to be going great. Then sometimes I am so glad you are in heaven healthy, safe and out of this crazy world. Things have gotten so out of hand down here things I would have never guessed would be issues in any ones life time. Every day is still hard and I still have never made it through an entire day without breaking down at some point but, the holiday's really are difficult I don't know how people do it I really don't. Well I will write again tomorrow never forget how much i love and miss you and as always give the furry kids and family all hugs and kisses for me and tell them I love and miss them all. Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 21st of November 2022...Another day has come and went...I didn't do much today just some laundry and brought in some firewood. The days and nights are so long. Elizabeth has been planning a Thanksgiving get together on Wed. but, I told her no, I think she maybe angry with me but, I just can not go through that again this year, Last year was so hard and with losing doodle bugs this year ( 3 weeks ago) on top of you last year is just more than I can handle right now. I pray she and Douglas will eventually understand. I just want this Holiday season to come and go without any involvement. They both have beautiful homes and family's and inlaws to enjoy the holidays with. It's not that I am not thankful for everything I do have because I am ,it's the family members I lost within the last year and half that overwhelms the other things if you can even make sense out of that. I know and understand many people have lost so much more than I, but, that doesn't make my losses any less. I do pray that over Thanksgiving and Christmas you look in on the kids and maybe in some way let them know you are there. I love and miss you, please give all our furry kids with you hugs and kisses and tell doodle bugs I love her and miss her and if I could have helped her more I would have done anything. Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, I know it has been a very long time since I have written you and I am sorry, I am just not sure if it was doing me any good however I did miss it. I thought by now I wouldn't be balling every day any more but, that's just not the case. With the holidays coming up I kind of knew it would be hard but, every day is still hard. I still cry every single night and sometimes during the day just out of the blue. I did celebrate the holidays last year with the kids and family but, I thought it was more important because the kids have just lost their dad and I know it was just has hard for them as it was for me. I just don't want to celebrate any more holidays, they are more painful than I can even express in this letter. I always loved the holidays and I really loved Christmas not only because we were celebrating the birth of Jesus but, it was a warm, fun and a day we could just put any and all problems we may have been going through away and just enjoy the birth of Christ. Although I still believe the birth of Christ is an event we should be so grateful for people have manage to slowly remove him from the entire event. Those are times I do keep close to my heart and have wonderful memories of. I enjoyed having everyone over and watching the kids open all the gifts decorating the house, baking cookies ( back then we made everything from scratch ) but, those days are gone, your gone, doodle bugs is gone and although I do feel grateful for what I do have the joyfulness the holidays used to bring just isn't there anymore. The children have their own families now and their own homes to decorate. They both turned out to be wonderful adults,hard working, respectful, giving, caring and I am very proud of both of them. My life has changed in so many ways all ways I wouldn't wish on anyone and it's hard to hold back tears and act joyful when that isn't what your feeling. With that being said I am simply choosing to let the kids celebrate with their families in their homes and I will remember the celebrations we once had. I miss you so much and I pray that doodle bugs and Zena are living with you and playing ball, swimming and Zena is fishing for her minnows like she did at the old cottage, she did that for hours. It's funny because Rena does the same thing. Tell Doodle bugs I miss her so much and that I am so sorry. Give all our furry kids up there with you hugs and kisses and say hello to all our family members. Please don't to angry with me I just want to remember holidays pasted when we were all together. I love you and miss you so much...Love always Laura...I think I will start this back up so I will write again real soon...xxoo"

"Hi Baby, Well we are into Oct. now and we already had frost twice. It's Oct. 2nd, 2022 today and several things have been going on. First I had the wood stove inspected as it looked like had seen better days and it did not pass...I just no longer felt safe using it once I was told that. I bought a new one and they installed it on Saturday (yesterday) it's a little bigger but, it fits in the place just fine. I am having a little hard time getting used to it the other one was so easy to get going but, this one is giving me some trouble but, I am use I will get the hang of it. Marge and Wendy came up this weekend which was wonderful...we went to the apply place in the 6st ward and man they have really gotten out of control with thier prices, then the girls took me out to dinner at XtoC and we had prime rib which was nice and then last but not least we stopped at the punkin place down the road on Rangeline and got a few punkin's before heading home...It was wonderful getting out of the house for awhile. Ofcourse I would have never been able to do all that if it wasn't for Liz who came over and watched Mom and Ripzy for me. Dusty came over Saturday when the woodstove guys came and got all the needed information so he could tell/teach me which was nice as they came pretty early. The stove was a little more than i wanted to spend but, I would rather spend more if it means I am not having to worry all the time. I just pray it does a good job heating the house as the das prices are very high. John's friend got his 250 gal. tank filled last week and it was $800.00 dollars and now we have a 500 gal tank so a $1,600.00 gas bill is not something I can or want to do to often this winter. I think with the help of Dusty and Liz we got a lot of things taken care of this year I would like to get that garage door you bought in and maybe those roof dump things so the snow doesn't land all at once in the driveway but, we will see if not this year maybe next year. I depend on Dusty and Liz so much and I know that's not right I just don't know what else to do..having to count on others for so much is a bad feeling and I pray it will let up in the coming month's I know they have their own lives and home to care for and they shouldn't have to be here dealing with all my problems. I haven't heard anything from Douglas in so long I wish he would check in once in awhile I know he is busy too but, a five minute call once every week or two shouldn't be that hard. Well that about catches you up to date...so ya...Liz got a doe, Tator got a six pointer and a nice size turkey so far this bow season....I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura xxoo"

"Hi Baby, well its the 23rd of Sept 2022....Sorry it has been awhile...The nights are getting pretty cold now..I guess I am getting a new wood burner the guy I had come out to clean it said I need a new one and it's going to be pricey. Without you here I just need it to be safe as I don't know anything about anything and now I worry about everything. Liz came and cut the grass today which was nice..Aiden started it the other day but, we ran out of gas so liz finished it up as Tator had to work. Well the people I watch on the computer say tomorrow is going to be a big day..in what way I have no idea although you most likely know what is going on and all the wonders of the world, how I wish you could inform me. I guess I will just have to sit and wait and see what will happen either way I just pray God is moving in his own way and is in total control. Liz's trip is coming up fast..we have to go to the bank and get her name on the credit card so she can use it to finish paying for the hotel and activities. The world isn't getting any better down here murder, robberies, ect..are all on the raise and prices are just crazy. If Gasco doesn't come on Monday I think I am going to call them and see if I can get a fill up before things get to high. Well Ron please keep watching over me and help me make the right choices as I feel pretty lost down here without you. I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura"

"Hi baby, Well we half way through Sept. sept. 15th 2022...The day started off kind of bad well, not bad more like unexspected. I went in the downstairs bathroom to straighten up and looked in the tub which nobody has used in some time and wow was it dirty even spiderwebs in there. Needless to say I spent the next hour and a half scrubbing the heck out of it. I never let it get even close to that bad I am sorry, I know I said I would keep everything up but, somehow that got away from me. The day did get better as it went on in fact a lot better..Dusty and Douglas cut some wood and because I wasn't sure if liz and the boys were coming or not I thought I would make some dinner. Nothing fancy just wings, potatoes and salad but, it was so wonderful having both Douglas and Liz here together I miss that so much. I don't mean like at the holidays just a normal day sharing a meal all together it was wonderful the only thing that would have made it perfect would be having you here with us. They both helped me clean out the dining room closet also which I have wanted to do for so long. We sure do have wonderful kids and I couldn't be more thankful. Yesterday I did manage to clean up the wood pile in the backyard and burn some of the junk up..It was an unusual calm day so I thought I better make good use of that. Tomorrow morning Liz is going to take me to get some more candles I am down to two and I have to make sure your candle burns every day. Corky is running for Lincoln County Sheriff as a write in, I don't know why he wants to get back in with the way things are today but, I wish him all the luck in the world and I will give him my vote. Nicole was going to go up to the cottage this week and put in a new dishwasher but, I had to tell her we already shut it down for the winter so no running water, If i would have known she wanted to go back up yet this year I would have waited a little while longer to shut it down. I have to work within Dusty's timeline as he does all the work and he is a busy man. He has been so helpful since you went to heaven I don't know what I would do without him. I love and miss you so much, the only joy I have is knowing you are healthy and safe which means a lot. All my Love laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 7th of Sept, 2022...I actually was pretty busy today, I cut the grass with both the rider and push mower and cleaned up a little. i think i am getting better with that rider but, we still have our moments. Julie called today and they are doing another girls weekend this time in three lakes but, I won't be able to go which is ok. She's all done with her field training and now she is out on her own although because she's the lowest on the chain she has to work nights again which she is not happy about but, she understands. Sharon called to and John had a rough weekend...he couldn't remember things like when they got their dog patches or if he was retired so she took him in to the ER. to get checked out. He has been suffering from really bad headaches the last few weeks. I hope and pray he will be ok. I just don't trust these Doctors anymore. I guess Liz and Tator are getting ready for Bow hunting which will be starting up here shortly and with the cost of things these days I hope they fill all their tags. I haven't heard from Douglas in a while I keep telling him to call at least once a week which he always agrees to but, never seems to be able to do..Everyone is so busy. Today was actually pretty hot out in the 80"s although the nights are only in the 40's or low 50's I have made a fire a few times in the morning to get the chill out.Well that's about all the news and updates I have for tonight. I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 6th of Sept, 2022....The cottage is all closed up for the winter thanks to Liz and Dusty...I wouldn't be able to do anything without those two, I thank the Lord for them every day. It's starting to get darker early now and the leaves will be changing pretty soon, some trees have already started. I do enjoy fall everything is so fresh and crisp and beautiful it's what comes after that...I do love the change of the seasons but, the winter does get long when your alone. I just hope the winter wouldn't be so cold as i just don't know where the fuel cost will be. A lot of people are saying it is going to be pretty high, thank God we got all that wood to help off set it a little bit. Liz's trip is coming up fast i sure hope they all enjoy it. I am still experiencing so many emotional out busts I sure wish i could somehow get a handle on that but, they just come and go with a mind of their own. Closing up the cottage and knowing I was returning back here to your house and knowing you were not going to be there just overwhelmed me for some reason this time. I have come and gone several times but, this time was so hard and I have know Idea why but, it was like being kicked in the guts. I know I will miss you forever but, these emotional gut punches have to let up some how some way. It's kind of funny to me in a way..I feel like I fought so hard most of my adult life and now when I need that fight I don't seem to have any left in me. Well baby, until tomorrow..I love and miss you...Love laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it is the 1st of Sept.2022......Winter is coming up fast. Braydon's first day of school was today, Liz said he really enjoyed it, tator's first day is tomorrow....I guess we are going up to the cottage Saturday morning to take in the dock and close it up for the winter. With winter moving in fast and bow hunting starting up this month who knows if we will make it up there any more this year. I can't take mom up there by myself any more as she simply can not stand or walk any more and it is to dangerous plus I would never be able to get her out to the car or into the house in her wheelchair by myself. I called marge tonight and we had a nice talk she said she may drive up next weekend for a visit as Roger has to go out of town i am assuming for work. I came accross a blanket Grandma willoughby made and it has seen better days, I remembered that marge also knits blankets so i asked her if she could take a look at it and see if she could repair it so it doesn't fall apart anymore than it is. She said she's pretty sure she can do something. Maybe Wendy will have off and come up with her it would be nice to get together. I didn't do much today as cleaning that garage yesterday kind of pooped me out plus it was pretty hot out today. I need to go shopping pretty soon our frig. is pretty empty but, it would be better to go after we come back home from the cottage. I love the change of seasons but, going through another long winter alone doesn't sound very good, I miss you so much I wish God would have healed you up instead of taking you home. I still just can not understand why he didn't I know he can i just can not understand why he doesn't do it a lot more often. I can't understand why we have to do this whole middle part of life period, if we came from the father and we return from the father why this whole middle part what is the reason? Don't get me wrong I know God must have a reason I just can't figure it out and he is not telling me. The bible doesn't really go into that at all that I can find. God must have known all the questions we would have yet so many of my questions don't seem to be covered in the bible, I can't believe I am the only one with these questions. Well i guess it doesn't pay to dwell on questions I will most likely never get the answers to yet, they are on my mind constantly. Well Baby I love and miss you so very much...Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 31st of Aug. 2022...the last day of Aug. School starts tomorrow for Braydon and on the 2nd for Tator so we are at the end of summer. Braydon is pretty excited Liz said...I don't know if Tator is that thrilled. I cleaned up the garage a bit today man your woodworking machines were heavy..I thought they would be but, they were heavier than I thought. Either way i did manage to move them with the help of the Lord. I swepted it all out and I think it looks a little better. I am watching flash point and they all say on this show that God is moving and is correcting all the wrong in this world, I pray they are right. I had a strange experience the other day, I almost can't explain it it was a very powerful feeling I guess you could say. I don't really remember if I actually heard a name or not but, I felt someone was in a bad way like trapped and was feeling they had no way out and they were being very misunderstood. long story short I felt a strong need to call Wendy and give her another way or another direction so i did text her. I really don't know for sure if the message was for her or not but, that was the feeling I felt. I hope I didn't cross a line with her I would never want to make her feel bad or tell her she is doing something wrong because that's not what I meant nor is it how I feel. I have had those feeling before but, I never really acted on them but, maybe it's time I start listening I just pray it is the Lord who is talking. I miss you so much baby...I just hate the thought of another long, cold lonely winter without you. I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura"

"Hi baby, Well today is the 29th of Aug. 2022..Douglas's Birthday! Liz, dusty and Tator came over this evening and tator cut the grass and Liz and dusty helped me pick up the yard a bit. I got a dumpster delivered today and started cleaning up. I went through all your clothes which was super hard but, I thought if I did mine to it would make it a little easier so that's what i did. I guess we are going to close up the cottage this weekend before bow hunting starts up and bring in the dock before the water gets to cold. People can still go up if they want they just will have to potty in a bucket or outside..the heat, ele. and tv is still on so it isn't so bad. Kelly wrote me today it was nice to hear from her although i am still not adjusting to this new and unwanted part of my life so I am sure I wouldn't make good company right now as she wants to get together. Oh what i would give to bring you back home here and get back to normal. I guess Jackie is closing on her Iron River house on the 1st of Sept. and she is going to move into a home down by Mike and Deb. I guess the homes down there are going for a pretty penny. I just can't really picture her living in the middle of town on a busy road but, she's not young many more and keeping up a large yard would be a lot of work. I will be a huge change for sure, I know I wouldn't like it. Although this home doesn't feel the same to me without you here but, I could never leave here, you are all around this house and yard and although it feels different I still love this house, yard and area. I feel comfortable here, safe and secure it is perfect. Well baby, I hope you checked in with Douglas today I know he misses you every day. Well baby, good night and please stay with me...I love and miss you...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 27th of Aug. 2022....Well Dusty and Liz delivered Douglas's Birthday gift (freezer) tonight so we did manage to take care of that... His birthday is in two days. They helped him get it down in the basement so now we just have to order the cow which I think will be in Oct. It was a rather gloomy, rainy day today, so once again I didn't do much. Mom went to bed early I guess that kind of day makes everyone tired. I ordered a dumpster which will come on Monday I have so much stuff around the yard from that fence to get rid of along with a lot of stuff in the garage...don't worry I won't get rid of any of your tooks just stuff that is broke or we have no need for any more. I would like to move a lot of the stuff under the dining room so I can get both cars in the garage this winter. I hope we can get a few more things done before the snow starts...the water pressure thing, the door and the deck would all be great, and maybe the wood back along the garage roof and house. I miss you so much...I just don't know what to do with myself any more. I wish you could just come back and we could just get our lives back.....Nothing about this whole situation seems correct or right,..... nothing. Well baby...I just wanted to tell you Douglas got his gift and he liked it....I love you and miss you so much...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 23rd of Aug. 2022.....Another bad day...I am starting to think they are here to stay...I baked all day I made 4 loaves of bread and 24 muffins and put them all in the freezer for a later date. I just don't know what to do with myself these days. I have to get Douglas's freezer pretty soon his birthday is coming up fast. I have to start picking up rocks again so I can mow along the fence but, it has been so hot during the day and I can't hear mom's bell when I am that far away. I just feel so tired and no matter what way I turn there are barricages blocking the way. I could use one of your arm things right now. Anyway I just wanted to check in and tell you how much I wish you were here. Love always...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 21st of Aug, 2022....Douglas's birthday is coming up fast and I haven't gotten his freezer yet, He will be 39 in 8 more days, Hard to believe our first born is almost 40. I can still remember the day he was born pretty clearly....I am so glad you got to experience his birth with me, you were there with both the kids and I remember them both. Anyway I had a kind of bad day that just keeps going, these emotional rollercoaster up and downs are still not getting much better. This being alone is ten times worse than I ever thought possible, what a would give just to have you back home here with me. I guess both ways were hard, you were scaring me so much I never knew from day to day what would happen and I know it wasn't better for you, it had to be very frightening and once again I am so sorry I wasn't smart enough to see what was going on, and believe me I live with that quilt every minute of every day. I really hope heaven is everything you ever dreamed it would be and more...I wonder what kind of mansion God made for you...I picture it rustick and overlooking a river with a large deck so you can fly fish with your dad. I sure hope you are saving a room for me and all our four legged babies. I hope and pray I am not forced to do this much longer without you...this is not a life it is just waking up and going to bed day in and day out. I just hate having to count on other people for so many things it certainly isn't right. I wish I could just jump on the lawn mower or take a drive into town for candles or whatever but, eventually I will have to return home and you still will not be here...I ordered some diapers for Ripzy but, they were a little to small so Liz ordered some bigger ones I hope they come tomorrow, I have to shampoo the carpet every day which is getting old but, I know she can't help it and I know she feels bad. Nothing seems to be going right but, nothing is really that bad either I mean we set ourselves up pretty good for whatever one of us was left behind to carry on. Although I think you would have been able to handle things better as far as upkeep and the emotional ups and downs if I would have left first. Mom still has good days and bad days but, the last two days have been pretty good.. I haven't heard from Douglas in a long long time he still has your jeep so I don't know if he is busy moving things or what. Well thats about all for me baby, I think I am just going to watch some t.v. and wait for this day to end...I love and miss you so much...Love always laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 14th day of Aug.2022...Douglas and his family and some friends made it to the cottage and from the pictures on facebook it looks like they went exploring a little, I pray the weather was better there than here, it has been either raining or gloomy the last few days around here. Liz and Dusty have been taking down the old fence and cutting all the post to the new fence down to the correct size. I had good intentions today to get somethings done but, I just cleaned a little instead. Summer is coming to a end the boys will be going back to school the 1st of Sept which is right around the bend. I hate the thought of another long winter here without you the days just appear to last forever. I haven't heard anything from Jo so I am not sure if she is still planning on driving up the 16th or not, It's a long drive for a day. My gut don't seem to be getting any better I have no idea what is wrong this time. One thing after another, although it does seem to be better if I stay away from food, so I have done that. The world just appears to be a mess everything is upside down and inside out just like John Paul Jackson warned us was coming. I am just waiting for a God moment as he is saying not to fear and to put our trust and faith in him. God must be so disappointed in this world...I know I am. Well baby I just wanted to drop you a line and remind you that I love you and miss you so much....Love always and forever....Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it is the 12th of Aug. 2022....What a awful day, I just can not do this Ron....I can't keep everything straight, Things appear like they are getting better and somehow I am keeping my head above water then...it all falls apart..Each time it falls apart it falls apart worse than the last time. I truly understand what Mom means by " I simply just don't belong in this world anymore". Nothing makes sense to me anymore, I don't agree in the way things are handled or dealt with, I am not saying my why is the only way that's not it...I simply don't understand. I just wish I could come home and be with you and daddy and Jesus. I just don't want to continue going forward as I don't think my why of life exist's anymore. Douglas and Taylor along with another couple went up to the cottage this weekend I pray they have good weather so they are able to get into the water and have a nice relaxing weekend. Well that's about it for today like I said it was a scarey day and I feel physically exhausted right out.I love and miss you more than ever and not only do I not want to do this anymore I really feel like I physically can not. I don't know if you are watching over me every day but, if you are please continue I need all the help and guidance I can get...If you haven't been please start. I love you and miss you so much...Love always me."

"Hi baby, It's the 10th of Aug. 2022...Douglas's Birthday is coming up in 19 more days...39 years old, wow I just can't believe our first born is coming up on 40. I will have to go get his freezer that's his gift as I getting another cow this year and we are going to split it 3 ways. I do have some news well, not news as I pray you were there...I was baptized in the Wiscond river on Sunday the 7th of Aug.2022 along with Sharon, John Dusty and two other people. Sharon's and John's church organized it and we had a potluck dinner afterwards. There was about 30-40 people there from the church and they all sang Amazing Grace as we walked into and out of the water. I made sure I was wearing your wedding ring and heart valve when I was baptized. I don't really know why that means a lot to me but, it does. I guess I have always had what I believe a level of faith although I had never really got information through and from the bible as I should have throughout my life. Losing you made me mad at first and then depressed and sad but, then although those feeling still creep up I also got a strong interest in finding out what the bible really say's about things, like marriage, life, death which is know taking me down a path of attempting to really know God and having a real relationship with him. The bible tells us not to fear but, to have faith in him and at least for me that is a struggle every day but, I am trying. I know God has a plan for everyone of us however, I just don't know what path is for me. Life just isn't the same here without you and it certainly isn't better. I really don't know what God's plan is for me this world or this nation but, I have to believe he is in control and he is going to do what needs to be done on his timeline. I hope and pray you came to see us get baptized and I pray the Lord rejoiced. I Love you and miss you every day..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, I haven't forgotten about you believe me, but I know it has been a while and for that I am sorry. It's the 4th day of Aug. 2022. I was at the cottage for a little over 2 weeks with Gma and the boys. Everything went just fine up there the boys even made you a special rock with your name and a heart it looks really nice. The kids got the fence up and it looks good I was afraid it would have been a little too much but, it is good, It's a little close to the property line on one side then i would like but, I pray it won't become an issue. We still have some work to do with it but, the kids really worked hard on it. This coming Sunday on the 7th of Aug. I am going to a park in rhinelander with Sharon and her church to get Baptized in the river or lake. After losing you I found myself questioning my faith, I just can not understand why God didn't heal you after all we have gone through and how far you have come throughout the years. I feel you deserved a second chance at life since you have been fighting poor health for so long. We worked so hard pulling ourselves out of bad times and right when life was going really well everything went to heck and I miss you every minute of every day. I pray and pray that heaven is more then you could have ever dream of and I pray you and your dad are building another motor boat and are enjoying each others company. I can not wait to come to heaven and see you I miss you more than I could ever find the words for. I will try to write more often it is just so emotional and sometimes it's pretty hard to pull myself together. I love you and miss you baby...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 10th of July 2022....Haven't really done very much lately although I did manage to weed the back gardens. We had a little thunder storm here tonight nothing dangerous thank God but, the tree's all got a good drink and it created a really pretty double rainbow. Liz still comes over every night to help put mom to bed...It has become the highlight of by day. I miss you so much, nights are still very hard I keep looks in the end of the couch were you always where and it is just a bad bad feeling. I love you and miss you..Love always me."

"Hi Baby, It's the 7th of July 2022.....I bet you had a wonderful 4th of July...God I am sure has the best fireworks. We had rain that night so the fireworks were canceled until the 5th. The summer just seems to be flying by yet..each day seems to last forever. I usually get through the days pretty well sometimes the morning can be a little rough but, the nights are still pretty bad, I guess that's when I miss you the worst. I just do not care for this being here alone, I just wish you could comeback. Liz took me into town today to vacuum out the jeep and give her a wash as Douglas is going to use the jeep for a few days, we also stopped at a dollar general store and got a bunch of candles, Tator stayed here with mom and ripzy. I am still trying to figure out this whole point of life thing, however I am not really getting very far...I have so many questions but, noone on earth seems to have the answers. Well before I start completely balling I will say goodnight..I love and miss you....Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 29th of June 2022...I have been dreading this day for a long time..In 15 minutes you will be gone for 1 full year....It just doesn't feel possible to me for me it feels like 2 weeks have passed...I don't feel any better than I did a year ago....Some how and some way I am making it I really don't have any idea how, the days all run together and nothing fells right any more. I guess to be honest I am just waiting for my turn. Jackie and Kassie came over yesterday to visit with mom, she isn't doing very well but, she too just keeps kicking, were like to pea's in a pod just waiting for our number to come up. I hope and pray heaven was everything you ever dreamed of, Lord knows things down here are a far cry from perfect. I have been keeping busy in the yard with the gardens and what not but, it is just to pass the time. Sharon said she may stop over tomorrow as they have somethings to take care of in town. I just don't even know what to hope or pray for anymore, I just want our lives back I do not care for this "new" version of my life what so ever, Nicole said after awhile things will feel less sharp but, so far that has not occurred. Well it is now 9:30pm....1 year without you....worst year of my life....I love you and miss you...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 23rd of June 2022.....I haven't done much the last few days as it has been pretty hot high 80's to low 90's..Mom not doing to well these days but, she is hanging in there I don't think the hot weather is doing her any good either. Wendy is not doing very well, could you ask God to give her strength and have him hold her tight and heal her body inside and out from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. She is a person of strong faith and has gone through enough bad times she truly needs and deserves to be healthy and strong. All though I know deep in my heart and soul that God knows best and he never makes mistakes, sometimes I wish I would have never told you to go to jesus but, rather fight and ask the Lord to stay here longer. I am glad you are healthy and safe in Gods paradise but, I miss you so much. The world is just so full of hate and I am waiting for God to make his move only God could fix the things going on down here. It is really just like John Paul Jackson said in 2008 in the perfect storm. I am really attempting to keep up your house and yard as much as I am able and hopefully the fence will go up next month I pray we don't run into any problems with it, we sure could use your "how to do things" right now. Baby just please keep watching and guiding me and the kids, I pray for God's body of armor on this property, house and all who dwell within it. I love and miss you Ron...Love always, Laura"

"Hi Baby..It's the 20th of June 2022..I am so so sorry I haven't been able to write you, we had a strong go through a few days back and we lost internet until late this afternoon, I did however leave you phone messages...Ron I am not going to sugar coat anything here..I know Mom and Ripzy need me for now and I swear on everything I will do everything and anything to make each day the best I can for them both as I love them very much...Ron I am tired, and I don't want to fight anymore I just want to be done. I was strong willed when I had to but, I am not that person anymore..I fought hard because I felt I had some things very important to fight for you and the kids the house the animals ect...but, they are all gone now and I have no more fight in me. I know I have some unfinished duties here but, I am working on them...We did agree Liz would see and swim in the ocean and I almost have that completed, Douglas medical bills are good and he has his own home so all is good there as we planned. Ron I am so tired and I want to be done, I don't know what else you want me to do or take care of? Other than taking care of Mom or Ripzy I hate waking up in the morning..I do not feel like it is a blessing I feel like it is another day of heartache, pain torture. I don't want you or God to get the wrong idea....I love Liz and Douglas and their families but, I fear I have become nothing more than a headache and pain in the ass to both of them. Dusty has said somethings to John that I know he feels overwhelmed and I am just to much work...I don't blame him at all I feel the same way and he never signed up for this.He has his own parent's to worry about and take care of, He is a good man and I don't want to do anything to get in their way of life. I guess what I am saying is I just want to come home by you, I know I have to wait until the Lord calls Ripzy and Mom home but, then I should have met all my requirements here on earth. I am sure Liz will take care of Rens and Zara and diamond although the good Lord could call her home along with Mom and Ripzy as she is getting up there in age as well. I hope and pray you do not consider me weak Ron but, I am so tired of fighting and attempting to do the right things that few see or even agree with. Everyone knows better but, no one ever attempts to take on the responsibilities so I just want to come and be with you. I hope and pray you understand as I really don't know how else to say it...I love and miss you so much and I will count the days."

"Hi Baby, It's the 13th of June 2022...I wrote you a long letter the other day but, for some reason it didn't post which has happened before so I hope this one will post. I don't really have a lot to report as I haven't gone or done anything. Tator cut the grass yesterday we have a agreement that he cuts it every 3 days or so and so far so good. Your jeep is in the shop something broke on the 4 wheel drive and he is fixing it, I hope everything turns out good I know how much you love that jeep. Mom is doing ok not getting any better but, not getting any worse either. Ripzy wasn't doing very well so was so dehydrated as she tries to drink all the time but, she just can not get enough water so I have been having her drink from a bottle and so far so good she has improved a lot. It's kind of like having to 2 year olds in the house with me. I sure miss you nothing is the same without you here. I attempt to keep myself busy with the yard, garden flowers ect but, nothing fills the void. Liz has been doing all my shopping so that's a huge help as I can't leave mom home alone at all or ripzy for that matter. Liz comes over every night and helps me get mom into bed for the night which is helpful as she is kind of hard to transfer by myself and she really can't help you, but we are getting there so I guess we can be thankful for that. The world is still going down the toilet gas is over 5 dollars a gal and raising food and housing is going up and up. I just can not figure out the lefts game plan most of them are so old I don't see what they will gain. Anyway I did leave you a phone message the other night I pray you can read these and listen to the messages. I miss you every minute of every day...If I knew how to bring you back I would do it in a second but, I don't know how. I love you and miss you...Love always Laura"

"Hi baby..It's the 5th day of June 2022..I am so sorry I haven't wrote you in so long things have been alittle crazy down here. I believe mom had a small stroke while we were at the cottage putting the dock in and her speech, right hand and legs were not working correctly. She is improving with her speech but, her legs will take awhile longer although they are better. For now I have to lift her onto the commode and on the couch and bed but, Liz helps me alot. Dusty helped me rearrange her bedroom so I have more room to transfer her which is working much better. Today is Dusty's 38th birthday we gave him a card with 50 dollars in it. I don't think the cottage is going to be a obtion this summer as mom can not walk or stand and getting her in and out of the house in the wheelchair is a 3 or 4 person job. Nicole is going up there over the 4th of July so I will ask her to cut the grass and what not which I am sure she will do. I miss you so much I really don't even know where this year as gone it feels like just a week or two for me. I wish I was smarter than I was or am I just handled everything so wrong and I couldn't be more sorry for that. I had a dream about you the other day you were driving me in a car and I asked you how long you could stay but, before you could answer mom rang her bell and I woke up, I pray you will come again and finished that dream. Ripzy is having a hard time but, I am helping her as much as I know how to do, she is such a sweet little girl. Jo came up and visited with mom on Wed. after she got off work and stayed with mom during the day on Thursday which was wonderful as it gave me time to get a lot of yard work done. I think the yard is looking pretty good I sure hope you are proud as I wouldn't have any of this without you. I try to thank God every day that he blessed you and I so much throughout the years I again wish I would have realized it a lot sooner. The world or at least America is still in a downward spin but, I believe God has it covered and I am putting my trust and faith in him. I haven't heard anything from Douglas lately I hope her calls or stops by soon, I never know his word schedule and I don't want to bother him but, I do miss him a lot. We were so blessed with wonderful kids and I am so grateful to them both and Dusty and the boys are so much more than helpful I really don't know where I would be without them. I guess Jackie and Bobby divorce is final now and Jo said they have to sell the house and land up north and slit it 50/50 which really that is only fair. I just wonder how Bobby feels about that as the way I understand it he wanted to stay there but, if he doesn't have the money to buy Jackie out that wouldn't be fair. Well Baby I think that covers everything for me I just love and miss you so much...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 21st of May 2022...I was pretty busy today , I cut the grass and weeded the flower garden and did misc..stuff outside. I haven't heard any updates on Tanya I pray she is doing well. Sharon did a surprise visit this afternoon and brought me some eggs and a few other goodies. I took a bath and now I am so tired. I just wanted to check in so you don't think I forgot to write...I love and miss you every minute of every day....Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 20th of May 2022...Sorry it has been awhile although I hope you hear me talking to you. Liz and her family went camping this weekend over by the council grounds to try out the camper they fixed up. We went up to the cottage last weekend to open everything up, there was alot of tree's down they must of had a heck of a storm. Liz went home on Sunday afternoon and mom and I stayed until Wed. late morning. I cut the grass and worked on the beach a bit and washed all the bedding. Getting mom around is getting a little harder her legs are just getting so weak. Julie called me yesterday and told me Tanya had a heart attack and had to get three stents put in..she was always so healthy I hope she didn't have a side effect from anything. I put Tanya on a prayer chain so she will have many prayers coming her way. I cut the grass here when I got home but, it was long and I couldn't remember how to change the deck height but I did figure it out after awhile. The news down here doesn't sound good and as much as I miss you and want you to come back I am glad you are safe, I just don't know how bad things are going to get. I have to get Marge's card in the mail in the morning her birthday is on Tuesday I hope it won't be late. Liz has a job interview on Monday morning here in Merrill and Dusty just got a raise. I haven't seem Douglas in a long while although I have touched bases with him on the computer. Well baby I will write you again soon and please ask God to watch over and heal Tanya and give her peace and comfort,,I love you Baby..Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it is Friday the 13th 2022....Another crappy day this week as been something else I am in a downward spin that I can not seem to pull out of. I guess we are going to open up the cottage tomorrow, I have so many mixed feeling..If I leave your house I feel I am letting you down and if I don't go to the cottage I feel like I am letting mom down it's a lose lose situation. There is grass to cut, flowers and plants to water and just daily cleaning that needs to be done and for some reason I feel if I do not complete these things I am failing you, witch is strange because you always told me everything is fine take a break, But I actually feel it all needs to be done or I am in some way disrespecting all the hard work you did so we could have this home and yard.And then there is the cottage..that i feel exactly the same way about the cottage and I will let Dad and Mom down if I don't get up there and take care of the home and property. There is no right answer and I don't think anyone really understands and why would they. I think the doggies will enjoy going up I know Rena loves fishing in the shallow waters. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and there are times I just want to give up and just be with you. I know that is not my call but, sometimes it doesn't seem to matter..One day I can give everything to God and the next day I am back to square one. I realise many many people suffer every minute of everyday and I feel bad for all of them but, I think it is a little different when you lose someone you have lived with for many many years and your use to seeing them every morning. Each day is a reminder they are not here and you realise how much of your day was looking after them in one way or another. Some days I thank God for all the blessing and some days I feel nothing but, anger either way I can not seem to move forward. I was strong when I needed to be and i do thank God for the will power that he gave me but, I am tired I don"t want to fight anymore. I am not sure what I am going to do yet...there just seems like there is so much to get done, the fence, garage door, ect..ect...and I am just not capable to do them on my own, I wish I wouldn't have bought that fence it just seems like everything is way to overwhelming. I think God took the wrong person you would have dealt with everything a lot better than me I am sure. The state of the world doesn't help either everything is going up and traveling back and forth from the cottage won't be cheap. Well baby, thats about how I am feeling just lost, tired and I have nothing to offer anyone so, I just wake up and then go to bed day after day waiting for my turn. I love and miss you so much...Love always Me."

"Hi Baby, Well it is the 11th day of May 2022...Another bad day....I attempted to keep as busy as possible today working in the yard...I was going to get some flowers at the new nursery in pineriver but, I just couldn't get myself together enough to go anywhere today maybe tomorrow. Poor little Ripzy is having a hard time drinking so I have to help her out. She doesn't really like it but, she needs water. I really don't know how much longer I have to continue on with this guilty heart of mine. I should have known something was wrong I should have seen it and I have no reason why I didn't. I keep wondering how much you really knew and just didn't tell me..maybe telling me made it to real and you don't want to see it either. I have so many questions that have no answers at least not right now and that's a heavy load to carry every day. I guess I thought that I would have been feeling better by now but, the quilt is just to much to heavy and I don't think that will ever go away and maybe it shouldn't. Nicole texted me today and said she would like to go to the cottage during the 4th of July weekend and brings some friends along same friends as last time. I am glad it is going to get used this summer as I just don't know what I am going to do..I just don't feel right leaving this house for any real amount of time so, I am going to have to think of something fast as I am sure Mom wants to get up there. They say it is going to be in the high 80's tomorrow but, that could kick up some storms..I guess they say we may have some rain and thunder sometime tonight. Braydon made a wooden cross in the garage the other day and placed it by your stone Marty made you...I blessed it and placed it on the garden asking for blessing as gardening has never been my strong suit but, I will put it back.Well baby I guess that's about it for tonight as I said it wasn't a great day for me. I love and miss you Ron..Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's Mothers Day the 8th of May 2022 and just like on my birthday the one thing ( you ) that I really wanted to get I didn't get....Liz, Dusty and the boys made me a huge bird feeder that is just beautiful, I think it will wholed a entire bag of bird seed. I had to shame Douglas on facebook messenger but, he wrote back so all is good. I still have no idea what is going on in the world everything John Paul said would happen is happening, He said worse things are coming and things may get pretty ugly out there. There is talk about a world wide food shortage and people are having a hard time finding Baby formula now. When I think about things getting worse sometimes I am grateful you are in paradise with the Lord and will not have to face and deal with it all. I on the other hand just wishes the Lord would just come back and bring heaven unto the earth right now. We grilled out some hotdogs and brats which were very good and John and Sharon also came. Sharon got mom a soap and some lotion and we got her two bags of cookies she liked everything. Marty and Jo are in Mexico and Jo sent mom a message on facebook and wished her a happy mother's day and Jackie came last week with some candies and a pie for her so, I think she had a good mother's day. I can't help but think how this day has to be hard for Sharon and Nicole as they both lost children. I pray the Lord is allowing you to get these messages or he is telling you about them. Well baby at least you did get to spend mother's day with your mother I bet she really enjoyed it. Maybe tomorrow I will get some flowers for my pots and start working in the yard, sometimes I just can not seem to find the willpower but, I know it needs to be done and I do not want in anyway to disrespect you by letting this place go down the tubes, I know how hard you worked to give us this home and I do love this home. I guess thats pretty much everything, I have to figure out what the rest of this life has in store for me as I have no idea what to do which is a bad pickle to be in. Well until I write again please remember how much I love and miss you....Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby..Well it is the 7th of May 2022....I didn't really do anything today, I was thinking about going and getting flowers to plant in the planters but, I didn't..I guess I had another bad day which is starting to be the morn. It was a nice day outside the sun was shining and it really wasn't that windy. Tomorrow is Mother day....Another holiday without you here with us..I am really starting to hate holidays. I wish I could figure out what to do or what way to go now..I feel like I just go to bed and get up just to go back to bed. I am really getting sick of the facebook add's telling me to be thankful I woke up today...I just don't feel that way anymore. I haven't wrote you in awhile just because I really don't have anything to tell you, it's just the same day after day I don't know how to move on at all and I have no ( zero ) idea of what the rest of my life will be like although I know it's not how I planned it or thought it would be. Well baby I love you and miss you always..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 5th of May 2022....Oh Baby this world is so messed up we needed a God moment like yesterday....As much as I miss you every day sometimes I am glad the Lord took you home so you don't have to live with or deal with this crap down here. People fighting over when it is a good time to kill a baby! what the heck...it's a baby why don't they have the baby and kill themselves if they are so put out. I hope God strikes these people down and I hope it is (earthy) soon. I couldn't imagine not having our babies and I sure could never imagine hurting them so I feel better, what is wrong with people. I just belong in this world anymore, It is just gotten so out of hand violence, murder, prices everything is upside down just like John Paul Jackson said it would be. You should look him up, I never met him however he sure did seem like a wonder God fearing man. I hope and pray you are watching over us every day I need you so much and more than ever. I am still hoping that I can join you soon and again earthy soon not heavenly soon.....Please save a place for me and don't forget about me I will never forget about you...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 3rd of May 2022..Tomorrow is Sharon's Birthday and Mothers day is right around the bend. This will not be long as I am having a very bad day....I just want this to be over I hate living here without you..I love this house, yard and neighborhood but, without you nothing seems to matter. Ripzy fell down the stairs yesterday and was crying..I didn't close the gate fast enough I thank God she didn't broke anything. I just can not trust myself to keep them safe anymore, I feel so stupid and worthless and I pray and pray for God to end this but, every morning I still wake up, which is far from a blessing it is nothing but, torcher. I know you will never be able to read this as it is not a heavenly message and God doesn't allow sadness in paradise. I am praying God himself will read and know what I am feeling and stop this. I do pray God does allow you to know how much I love and miss you...Love Laura"

"Well Baby, It is May 1st 2022..Another month begins without you here. Liz came over this morning and we planted some flowers she had got me for my birthday we also planed some veggies in the new garden. We planted one flowering bush over by the septic pipes..I pray they all do well. It looks like all the apple tree's are doing ok but, none of the pear tree's seemed to make it. Liz and I had a nice talk about the bible which once again gave me more questions than answers. I know the answers to all my questions are within the pages of that book yet, I just can not seem to find them. However I am going to keep searching I don't want to give up, although I don't know if I will ever find all the answers which is sad. You can search on the internet but for every "yes" there is a"no" so what do you believe? Well that was about my day as the weekend was nothing but rain and wind. I love you and miss you so much...Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 29th of April 2022..Which means you have been gone for 10 months now...It still seems Impossible to me and I can seem to move on...I am in a very dark place today, I don't really now why but, I am. Dusty and Liz stopped by and we got dinner, it was strange because I really didn't want to talk to or see anyone but, it was good. I can't explain what I am feeling but, it is not a good feeling it feels dark and cold yet comforting. I just simply do not want to do this any more 10 months is enough I don't know and can't figure out what I am to do next or with any part of this life. It doesn't feel like a life at all it just feels like nothing just doing the same thing day after day. I just want to go home with you, maybe this is what other people call a new begining but, for me it is the end and I am fine with that I am more than ready to go. We made and raised two wonderful, strong, smart and independent children but, they are grown now and have their own lives there is nothing else for me here so I am ready willing to go home.... "

"Hi Baby, Well it"s the 27th of April 2022...I haven't written in a few days after doing the flower garden and picking up dodo have been worn out...I am finding the recovery time gets longer ever year. stopped by this morning he is looking good...He is considering taking a job with Lincoln County Sheriff's Dept. I took the doggies over to Liz's this afternoon and let them run around awhile. Ripzy even took a small walk in the woods with us, Tomorrow Mom has a Dr. appt. just for her toenails. My computer has been acting up lately so I am going to cut this short. I am going over to Julies tomorrow evening and dropping off Gitmo's baby shower gift Julie works with Gitmo so she can just take it to work with her. I love and miss you so much, I can't figure out how to move forward without you and I am not sure if I really want to. Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it is the 23rd of April, 2022...At midnight I will turn 60 years old..60! wow I am getting up there. I sure wish that we could have grown old or older together the way it should have been. I always new I would be a lone sooner than I would like just because of our age difference but, I also new you have been battling poor health for so many years, I can not help but, wonder if you would have been in Wausau hospital sooner if things would have had a different outcome. I always have had very strong negative opinions on the Weston hospital. I know it is not Healthy or reasonable to go to the "what If" state of mind however sometimes I just sit and wonder and it kind of comes and goes on it's own. I was listening to Mario murillo ( on the victory channel) and he really spoke about things that made me sit back and rethink my faith. I do feel my faith is strong but, sometimes I just feel so angry with God and I know I shouldn't. I guess going through something like this really is the biggest test of faith a person must go through. I have to keep reminding myself you are now living in the best place ever created and you no longer have a poor working heart and your knees and joints no longer hurt you every day and you are overwhelmed with love and happiness. I am still not crazy about the"No marriage" rule yet I do understand it I guess it is just hard to let go of a relationship that God has brought together. Anyway...I was very busy today, I weeded and cleaned out the whole flower garden plot in the backyard, and got it ready to plant all the beautiful flowers Dusty and Liz bought me for my birthday. I could put them in yet because although it was a pretty nice day it's going to drop down in the 30's and 20's again this week. Then I raked up and picked up 2 garbage bags full of doggie mines inside the fenced in area. Actually it was one garbage bag but, they get so heavy you can only full it half way, either way two bags of poop. It was pretty bad back there they just about had to walk through poop to go poop. Well baby that was my day and I am sore all over. I soaked in the tub which felt pretty good on this old back. Well Hon until next time I love and miss you every day..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 22nd of April 2022...Liz and her family a long with Sharon and John surprised me with a birthday cookout tonight..Dusty and Liz grilled hamburgers and Liz even baked me a birthday cake with candles and everything. I was very surprised. Liz brought me some beautiful flowers and a large flowering bush and Sharon and John brought me a rain gage in like a metal art stake that will go nice in the garden. Sharon also brought me a nice coffee table for downstairs it is prefect in size and height and fits the room really nice. It was a very wonderful evening I am so grateful for everyone who came over I have to admit I was really not looking forward to my first birthday without you but, it was very nice although I do wish we would have been there and maybe you were in your own way. Douglas couldn't make it I guess it would have been nice to have his family here also but, other than Douglas, his family and you not being there it was pretty awesome. Liz and Dusty also put a safety gate for the top of the stairs so Ripzy doesn't fall...She is getting pretty bad as far as her eyesight so it is kind of like having a one or two years old in the house. She doesn't eat by herself anymore so I have to fed her but, she still eats pretty good right off the spoon. The doggies and Diamond have been a blessing as far as comfort goes, as I still have pretty bad nights and snuggling and talking to them does help. Anyway it was a pretty good day and a very surprising birthday....I love you Ron and I miss you every minute of each day..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 18th day of April 2022...Dusty and Liz came over and picked up the car to get the oil changed and give it a once over before I start using it again. I slept on and off all afternoon the weather has been gloomy and that always makes me sleepy. We got a little snow last night and early this morning but, it shouldn't stay to long. I wish I could get a hold of myself I feel like I have been over whelmed with misery and I just can't shake it off, I am so tired of crying all night long but, I just have no control over it. Jo wants to come up to see mom before her Mexico trip on May 4th but, I just don't have enough control over my emotions to deal with her right now. I don't mean anything bad by that I just don't want to fall apart in front of anyone and I think I have managed to keep it to myself so I don't freak anyone out. I think I am going to feel like this forever as it hasn't gotten any better. Nicole said it will eventually get less sharp but, I don't know what kind of timeline that takes. I can't believe it has been almost 10 months it just seems like a week or so for me. I feel kind of bad as Julie has really been pushing me to go out to lunch or dinner with all the girls from work she said if it would be easier for me we could all go to her house and grill out. She has been so good and I am blessed to have such good friends but, I just can't seem to do it. Well baby, I love and miss you and I pray you are watching over all of us....Love you...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it is the 17th day of April..HAPPY EASTER! I am sure yours was way better than mine. Holiday's are difficult to get through without you...I didn't do to much this week that's why I haven't wrote you anything although I did leave you some phone messages, sometimes I just need to hear your voice. I bought some new Livingroom curtains I think they look nice. It feel so strange to make any changes around here I kind of just want to leave everything just like you saw it last. I still haven't manage to back up any of your clothing, I was praying I wouldn't still be crying every night but, here I am still balling my see's out every night. I think it should have been visa a versa as I think you would have more on faster than me. I have so much to be grateful for and I try to remember to thank the good lord for that every day but, I feel so robbed at the same time. Diamond was not been feeling well since last night, I pray she will get better I don't think I can lose anything else right now. I also picked up a few candle's as I like to make sure you always have a candle burning right next to you. Dusty, Liz stopped by last night to help me rearrange the living room you know I don't keep things in the same place to long, they also came by tonight and took out the garbage. Liz has been such a blessing getting me through this and I think I have been pretty good not crying and falling apart in front of her. I still haven't figured out what my mission or reason for being left behind is, I have no gift to share with anyone so why do I need to remain here? Well Baby, I pray your Easter was wonderful and I couldn't imagine it wasn't. I love and miss you so much...Love always laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 13th of April 2022...Nothing going on here today, the weather was bad rainy, snowy, ect...I did however manage to clean up the big pile of split wood and rake the area up, it take a full 2 days but, it was worth it to get it done. Got Culvers for dinner tonight as I gave mom a shower this afternoon and that just burns me out. We had a few good days as far as weather goes but, now it's back to crappy. I have to take mom to her Dr. appt. tomorrow afternoon she had an appt. in the morning to with the foot Dr. but, they canceled. I would have preferred to go to the foot Dr. rather than her reg.Dr.but, it is what it is. Well Baby I hope and pray that you are over whelmed with happiness, and that you are so healthy that nothing can hold you back and your just enjoying everything Heaven has to offer. I miss you so much, I just can not seem to get going in this life without you. I love you..Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 10th of April 2022. I took the doggies over to Liz's today and let the dogs run through the woods awhile, Rena has been just so whiny and I knew she wanted to gho run. Rena is out cold tonight along with Zara, Ripzy walks and walks during the evening hours but, she has settled down now.I started growing some veggies by seeds a few weeks ago and they got so big I had to replant them today into larger pots, and then I did the usual cleaning up around your house. I can usually keep myself busy during the day but, the nights are still pretty hard to get through. Well in the next few weeks I will be 59 and this will be the first birthday since I turned 19 that you wont be here....That's hard to think about. I hope and pray you can hear me talking to you and I pray that if you can not read this or listen to the message I leave on your phone that Jesus will let you know about all of them. I have so many questions that I know I will never have answered while I remain here on earth but, yet the questions never go away and the not knowing is the hardest of all things, that's where faith is meant to take over I guess. Well baby that's about all I have for tonight..I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 8th of April 2022. Sorry it's been awhile but, I have been a little busy. Liz and I took a ride to the bank Friday and had some car problems. I guess the car needed some snti-freeze and bevause I haven't gone anyway the battery was low and Dusty had to give us a jump. Dusty is going to take it in and have everything checked over just to be sure it will be ok. I added Liz and Doug's names added to all our accounts just incase something happens to me they won't have to go through all the red tape. Douglas came over this morning and brought his new little kitty, I am babysitting it for a few days as they are going on a trip with Taylor's family. She is cute as a muffin but, Diamond wanted nothing to do with her so I had to put Diamond in Liz's old room. Sharon and John came over and brought thier new puppy he is really cute and white as a cotton ball. Rena was really good with him they played and she was so good with the puppy, of course Zara didn't feel the same way but, it wasn't to bad. John went fishing with Dusty, Liz and the boys and Sharon stayed here and visited,It was nice to have some company as the day's sometimes get pretty long. I made some brand bread a few weeks ago and I gave one to liz, she said everyone really liked it as asked me to bake her three so I was busy baking most of the morning. I made 12 muffin for mom and me too. Today was really the nice's day we had in awhile and the rest of the week looks pretty nice. Everything is still so wet outside I can't really do anything outside yet but, I have to start picking up all the dog piles in the back yard there is so any pile's out back they will have to walk on poop to go poop. Other than that everything is going alright I guess. I just wish you were here I miss you so much and I hate being here a lone. Mom has two Dr, appointments on Thursday one in the morning at the foot clinic and one in the afternoon with her regular Dr. just for her 6 month follow up. She's still doing good but, she does have a lot of pain that just doesn't want to give her any relief. I feel bad for her but, she does have her pills that does help her a little. The world situation really hasn't gotten any better now they are saying there maybe some food shortages this summer, I am stocked up and I don't think I will have to worry about that. The gas prices haven't really effected me to much as I pretty much just stay here at home, which is not bad as I like it here and I feel closer to you in this house. Well that's about it Please know that I love you and miss you 24/7 and that will never change. Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 3rd of April 2022.....I didn't do much the last few days it has been raining or just gloomy which just makes me want to crawl back under the covers. Liz came over last night and watched the Trump rally with me which was nice the night's seem to be so long sometimes. This world is getting worse and worse gender is a big deal and there is a lot more genders know not just male and female..I truly just belong in this world anymore they want me to except things that I just can't. I brought the bogs light up collars and they work wonderful I gave one to Sharon and her neighbor as it is so dark out at night where there are no lights. Ripzy has a pink light and Rens has blue so when I take them out at night it looks like the cops are here. Zara has a green one so they all have a different color. The nights are not getting any better or easier I just hate being here without you. Wendy texted me a pic.which I couldn't make out and asked if we wanted to go on a trip for our 60th birthdays. I declined, I can't seem to leave the house with the exception of getting food,gas, ect... so I don't think going away for a few days will work for me; which is fine I don't mind staying here in your house I actually feel better when I do. I haven't figured out how I am working to work the cottage and I know Mom will want to go up there. I just still can not figure why you had to leave, I just don't understand. This certainly is not how I thought our life would go and I like my plan better. Well baby like I said I didn't do anything so not much to report .I do love and miss you more than I could ever say...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 31st..last day of March 2022. Tomorrow morning will be April fools day. I didn't do anything today so not a lot to talk about. I or I should say Liz ordered me some new collars for the doggies and they light up so I can see them at night. I just used them and they work wonderfully. They come with a charger which is better than batteries.I finished the book of Matthew tonight. I fell behind this month but, I agreed with Wendy to read that book for March and I wanted to make sure I did before the end of the month. The world is sure in a mess, John Paul Jackson sure was right in 2008 with his message. I don't really have any plans for tomorrow so I might skip writing you until I actually have something to say. I wont go for to many days or anything. I gave mom a bath yesterday as the shower upstairs isn't working the water hardly even comes out but, thats ok we did the bath thing and she said it felt wonderful and it wasn't that hard. I got everything turned over to John and Sharon as far as the boat goes she gave me 950.00 dollars I told her she didn't have to but I guess she wanted to. Gasco came last Friday and I still didn't get the bill I am rather interested in seeing how much this fill up will be as everything is going up. No worries through I am doing just fine as far as money goes thanks to the Lord blessing us in all the ways he did. Well baby I will write again soon. Please remember I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 30th of March 2022...Tomorrow will be the last day of March then were into April already. I just don't understand you have been with the Lord for 9 Month's and I am still crying every day. I try really hard not to cry in front of people I think it makes them feel uncomfortable. I just think things should be getting easier but, they are not. I see all those commercials about the arm forces wives being told their husband was killed in the line of duty and most of them are so young with young children they will have raise on their own and I feel so bad for them, there is so much pain and hurt in this world I wonder why God makes us go through all this, for what reason. The world is so upside down and backwards I try to be happy that you don't have to deal with all this crazy but, I am selfish I guess and I just want you home here where you belong. I feel like I am living in your house without you, I mean I love this house I love the area and the large yard I love everything about this place but, I just think about it as yours. I was suppose to read the book of Matthew this month and I am only half way through I just feel so angry and upset with God but, I at the same time know God is absolutely good and wouldn't do anything to intentionally harm or hurt us without it being for the greater good. The bible says God wipes away every tear we shed and he mourns with us Which I believe to be true. You can't believe some of God's word you have to believe all his written word is true. One would think that would bring one comfort and a feeling of calm knowing we are never alone and we have a Father that loves us so much faults and all that he gave his only son to be treated and harmed in the worst ways possible to save us from our sin's. I guess it does bring me comfort but, not like it should. I just miss you so much, yet I know you could not go on being so sick, I just don't understand why God doesn't heal and guard more of this children from all the evil out there, I know deep down there is a reason I am just simply not wise enough to figure it out. I try to think of all my blessing which there are many but, I just can't stop crying every day, several times a day, i am thankful I can manage it well enough where I can keep it together around others. Well baby I pray you are so happy and healthy and that you are saving a place for me...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 29th day of March 2022...I just thought I would drop you a line quick as you will be gone 9 months in amount 25 minutes and I am already starting to ball. It's thundering and lightening out and a ice storm is on the way. Funny I used to love storms but, now I don't care for them I just worry about something happening that I would have no idea how to fix. Liz came over earlier and picked up the jeep as her car needs some repair and with the storm coming better safe than sorry. I guess tomorrow night we are looking at getting 3 to 5 inches of snow. Please remember and never forget how much I love and miss you...Lover always Laura..."

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 27th of March 2022...Liz picked me up today and we did some shopping at Walmart and the dollar tree. I should be set for awhile once again. Price's are just crazy infact this whole world is crazy. Shooting's ,killings, robbing, everything is on the raise I just don't even want to leave your house. Liz said she told the boy's about their upcoming trip to Mexico and they are both excited. I pray they all enjoy it. Brandon is a little worried about the plane ride but, he has plenty of time to get used to the idea. I am glad we are able to send her I know she always wanted to see the ocean and do so many of the activities she has picked out while they are there. She should have a nice family memory and plenty of pictures to look back on. I sure miss you I can not believe in just 2 days you will be gone 9 month's it just feels like a few days ago to me, I just can not get used to you not being here and I know I do not like it. I love and miss you very much....Love you always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 24th of March 2022...I don't have too much to write you about I haven't gone anywhere or done anything. Amy, Julie and Jolene stopped by the other night and brought pizza and pie. Julie went to florida a few weeks ago and brought me back a light weight sweat shirt that you would love it has a picture of a jeep on it. It was nice to see them all and visit for awhile. Liz also brought me back a hoodie from her out of state shoot which is also very nice. Slowly I am getting some new clothes. Liz and Dusty were going to take the boys out to dinner and tell them about the trip we are sending them on to Mexico. I haven't heard if they did that or not yet. I think they all should really enjoy it as there is something for everyone to take part in. I guess they have to get passports tomorrow which is pretty pricey $500.00 or so. I did some baking today and made 4 loafs of Rasin bran bread. The snow is really starting to melt and there are puddles every where. I miss you so much..I never was alone before and I can not stand it. All the puppies are doing well, poor ripzy is really showing her age I feel so bad for her. Diamond is doing well. I love and miss you so much, I swear if I could pray you back home I would, I love you..Laura."

"Hi baby, Well its the 20th of March 2022. Marge can by today her and Roger were in Tomahawk Tapping Pak trees. She didn't actually say anything but, I got the feeling she wasn't as happy as usual. Julie, Amy and maybe Jolene are coming by tomorrow and they are bringing pizza's. Everyone has been so nice keeping in touch and visiting as I just still can not get myself the leave the house with the exception of walmart twice a month or so.I haven't figured out how I am going to manage the cottage this summer. I know mom will want to be up there most of the summer but, I still have this place to take care of so...I am not sure what I am going to do. Aiden has to go to summer school this year as his grades were not passing so..I don't know when that starts and stops. He was going through the 14 year old slump but, I pray he finds his way out of it we all had to go through it. Remember when we talked about sending Liz and her family on a vacation for everything they did for us and still do for me to this day? Well I decided to make that happen, They will be going to Cancun on the 4th of Dec.and coming back on the 9th of Dec. When she booked the dates she didn't realize that on the 4th we will be married 40 years. Since we talked about sending them on a vacation and she picked that date I am taking it as a sign that you agree that this vacation is a great idea. She booked a few activities already like deep sea fishing, (which I am sure Tator will love) swimming with the dolphins ect...She may add one more thing yet either way I think and hope they will have the time of their lives. I am so grateful that the Lord blessed us with so many things that we are able to do this for her. They both have helped me so much since you have been gone, I just don't understand how they except people to take care of funeral things, taking care of pension and social security getting so many thing is order and pay the medical bills all while crying your eyes out. If it wasn't for her and Douglas helping me get everything in line I don't know where I would be, Dusty has repaired things and help out so much as well and both the kids have done more than they should of had too. I just pray they have a wonderful time Liz always wanted to see and swim in the Ocean. Everyone is doing pretty well and the weather is starting to warm up so alot of the snow has already melted. Well I think that is pretty much it for this week. I still miss you every minute of every day but, I am making it slowly. Well good night sweet heart. I love and miss you so much..Love always Laura."

"Oh I forgot to tell you Douglas and Taylor made it back home from their Mexico vacation safe and sound....Love you"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 13th of March 2022....We had a little get together for Braydons 8th birthday here. Dusty grilled some chicken and Liz made 3 different kinds of salads and an apple pie. Everything was very good. I sure hope you joined us. I thought John and Sharon were going to bring their new puppy but, they didn't know how it would go with the other dogs, I guess Mom and I will have to make a run up there and go see him as soon as the weather gets better. Liz leaves on her trip Thursday for a out of state shoot she will be gone 4 days. After the get together this afternoon I took the dogs over to Liz's for a run as it was pretty nice out and it makes a big difference at night they sleep like babies. I sure hope you checked in here for Braydon's party. Joanne's 70th birthday is tomorrow everyone is getting so old lol...The world is still going to crap and gas prices just keep going up I thank God that the Lord blessed us and I don't really have to go anywhere. As angry as I am that you had to leave part of me feels so blessed with everything we have, it's like being torn in half. Well baby please remember I love you and miss you..Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 10th day of March 2022. I ran into town and then took the doggies over to Liz's for a walk through the woods today. The temp. wasn't to bad but, the wind cuts through you like a knife. Gas prices in town were 4.60 a gal unbelievable! I just wanted to drop you a line and remind you I miss you and love you..I think Douglas and Taylor are coming home tomorrow from their Mexican vacation.Taylor put several pics. on facebbok It looked like they had a wonderful time, however I will feel better when they return safe and sound. Well baby..I love you and if I could pray you back here I would. I just feel funny living here in your house without you. Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 6st of March 2022....We had a heck of a ice storm last night..Well it actually was raining but, it was cold enough everything turned into a skating rink. The drive way is very icy and all the rain made the snow on the garage roof come falling down. I had the clear the snow away from in front of the garage door and all that rain made it so heavy. There was even thunder and lightening so first thunder storm of the year I guess. They say it's going up into the 40"s on Tuesday so I pray all the ice will melt.. The lights went out for a couple of times but, neither was for very long. Douglas and Taylor went to Mexico Douglas must of known it made me uneasy because he called me when they left to Chicago when they got to their hotel and when they were boarding the plane. He usually forgets to call or gets to busy. He even called me when they arrived in Mexico. Douglas's phone doesn't work down there but, Taylor's does, so Taylor sent me her phone number. Taylor put a pic.on facebook and they looked like they were having alot of fun. I will breath easier when they are both back in this country safe and sound. I didn't get to see Elizabeth this weekend she must have been busy and nobody wants to drive on the icy roads. John and Sharon are getting a puppy, They were going to get him today but, they didn't want to drive in the ice either. John is still off work with his foot, he was been to the Dr. twice and they still don't know why it is so swollen and sore. Sharon said she thinks she's getting a sinus infection so we are all battling one thing or another. Well Baby, that's about everything I know..Oh I don't remember if I told you, we are getting 800.00 dollars back in taxes, I can't remember the last time we actually got a refund. Well Baby, I love and miss you every minute of every day..Love always Laura "

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY RON>>>>I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH>>>>>"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 3rd day of March 2022...Your 67th Birthday!!!!! I hope you saw your cake, Dusty, Liz and the kids came over and we grilled out, Hotdogs, Brats and Hamburgers all the things you loved....I pray you were here and joined us.....It seems like right when I feel I am dealing with everything a special day comes up and I take three steps back and have to start all over. I bet God puts on one heck of a birthday party..although I don't know if it would be the 3rd of March or the 29th of June when you were reborn maybe you get two birthdays...All the doggies eat and even had cake to help celebrate your birthday. Well baby, I pray you joined us and were happy with everything, I love and miss you more and more every day...Love Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 2nd of March 2022..Tomorrow is your 67th Birthday..This will be the first time in 39 years we will not be together on your birthday.....I can already tell it's going to be another rough day. I never even got out of my PJ's today and the only time I went outside was to get the mail and it was just junk mail. Rena swollen face is getting a little better liz had some pills she was able to take and I had her lay her side of her face on the heating pad which she seems to enjoy.It doesn't seem to bother her at all she still eats and runs around and I can touch it without her having any pain. Well you know she had it a few times in the past. The weather hasn't been to bad but it's going down to -2 tonight. Douglas and Taylor are leaving for Mexico on friday with another couple, I am not happy about him leaving the USA at all. and in a few weeks Liz is leaving for 4 days on a road trip to a shoot, so everyone is busy. I will make you a birthday cake tomorrow as always, I don;t want to stop doing that kind of stuff...Well until tomorrow remember I love you and miss you so much...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 27th of Feb. 2022...One more day in Feb. then we go into March....Your 67th Birthday is coming up fast. Well I didn't go anywhere today but, I did keep busy cleaning, laundry ect..ect..The fighting is still going on the world is just a mess. We need a God moment for sure, I think he is the only one who can clean up this mess. Well baby, like I said I haven't gone anywhere so I don't have much to report...I just wanted to remind you that I love and Miss you every minute of every day..All my love always..Laura Hugs and kisses from all your furry family"

"Hi baby, Well it's the 25th of Feb.2022...I did manage to get out today..Liz, Dusty and I went to the bank, shopping and picked up the taxes....It did take up a good part of the day which can be pretty long sometimes..oh we also filled your jeep up. I should be pretty set for the month of march, your and Braydons birthdays are coming up. Dusty plowed the driveway yesterday, the plow guy in out of town so he gave Dusty the keys to his plow truck so he could plow me out if we got snowed on. John isn't doing so well something is wrong with his foot and calf they are both pretty swollen, he went to the ER but, they didn't know either. Mom's back kicked in again I was hoping that wouldn't happen any more but, here we go...I gave her the pain pills but, sometimes the pain is so bad they really don't help all that much. Liz and Tator have a shoot tomorrow in Monroe down by the old cottage. The world is still going crazy, fighting, Bidens is really killing this county faster than I ever thought he could. At least you are away from all this and Lord knows I can't wait to join you. Julie was going to come over tonight but, I told her we better make it another time as Mom's back can get bad. Well Baby, I love and miss you..I pray you are watching over us....Love always Laura"

"Hi baby, It's the 24th day of Feb.2022...I didn't do anything today I just wasn't feeling the greatest. I did manage to bring in some wood. We didn't get very much snow most of it went more north thank goodness. I just wanted to drop you a line so you don't think I forgot. I miss and love you very much..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 21st of Feb.2022...The whole world has just gone crazy..frightening crazy. If things get worse I will be glad God took you to your heavenly home as people have done mad down here. I don't leave this house unless I have too. They say another big winter storm is coming anywhere from 6 to 16 inches between tonight and tomorrow. I sure wish you were here so I could have a conversation with you about everything that is going on in this world. I never exactly what Mom means now when she say's she doesn't belong in this world any more. It scares me to death that Douglas has another mexico trip next month I wish he would just stay home or at least in this country. Although this country is going to crap it is still better than any other. I pray that God puts something on his heart not to go. I didn't do anything or go anywhere today so nothing to report on there. I just wish you were here so we could have some talks about the ways of the world. I love and miss you so much...Love always and forever...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It;s the 19th day of Feb,2022..I really don't have anything to say or report but, I did want to drop you a few lines so you don't think I have forgotten. They say another winter storm is on the way anywhere from 8-12 inches just what I don't want although it is pretty to watch. We should be getting our taxes back soon we will see whats going to happen this year. Anyway Baby, I just wanted to remind you that I love and miss you so very much..Love you always Laura "

"Hi Baby, well it's the 18th day of Feb. 2022...Very cold and windy tonight. Liz and Tator were going to go to a shoot in Wisconsin Rapids tonight but, the weather is to bad, snowy and blowing winds. There was a huge pile up of cars,trucks and semi's blocking HWY 51 which is closed to traffic. I am having a rough night, emotional that is..I just wanted to drop you aline and tell you I miss and love you...Night's are still very hard..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 17th day of Feb.2022....AS usual I really don't have anything to tell you as I didn't do anything today other than cooking,cleaning ect....I made a crook pot full of Chicken noodle soup as it going to get very cold AGAIN. Maybe tomorrow I will glance over the book of Matthew, I like to go over the chapters before reading them so if I have questions I can look them up. I just don't know what to do with myself these days, I just really need you here nothing is the same nothing feel right anymore and finding joy in anything is becoming harder and harder to find. If God has a plan for my life I simply can not figure it out. I don't have and special talents of gifts to work with so If he is waiting on me I am afraid he is going to be disappointed. Maybe that is what they mean when they say "the fear of God." The fear of disappointing him. For some reason I can't get on my facebook, they say it is under some kind of repair but, it's been 2 days and I can get on Mom's page and I haven't heard of anyone else having problems. Maybe I got myself placed in facebook jail, although I haven't written anything, I have been playing candy crush but, that's about all. I don't even know why I started playing that again, there just anything else to do nothing that I feel like doing anyway. Anyway that's about all there is in the life of Laura. I miss and Love you more and more each day and nothing is getting easier that's for sure. I can't for the life of me understand why we have to go through this..I was listening to a rabbi who said we came to earth from heaven and when we die we return there. What I don't get is if we came from heaven and return to heaven why this whole middle part here on earth. Why must we go through this life with all it's hardships and misery. I know there are good times but, all in all we spend the majority of this time in school, then working and attempting to reach goals we have set or other have set for us. Why what's the point? I mean the minute we are born unto this earth we begin to die, It's like a Jake in the box you don't know when it will happen but, you know it's coming. I don't think I was ever afraid of death but, know I can actually say I am looking forward to it, not just to be by you although that is a huge plus but, because I just don't understand this whole middle-man time here on earth. Well Baby I better go..I could question things to the end of time and yet find no answers. I hope heaven is everything we thought it was, I remember having conversations with you about what we thought it would be like. I hope it is everything you imagined and more. I love and miss you so much...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, well it's the 16th day of Feb.2022....I did do some food shopping today at walmart, they are out of a lot of items....I also took the doggies over to Liz's to run around for awhile..Liz, Braydon and I took all three of them for a nice long walk in the woods..even Ripzy seemed to enjoy herself. All three are resting already tonight. This was the last and only nice day to get out back down in the minuses tonight, which is getting pretty old. I got a venision roast in the crook pot for tomorrow so that will last a few days. Wendy and I are going to read the book of Matthew starting in March,one chapter a night. Although I want to learn so much it appears the more I read and listen to the more I don't understand. I have so many why's. Liz and I may run to the bank on Saturday morning I have been meaning to go since the 1st but,just can't seem to get myself going. Well thats about it Baby...Remember always that I love and miss you everyday....Love Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 14th of Feb, 2022 HAPPY VALENTINE DAY Baby, I didn't do anything to write about today I just wanted to wish you a happy valentine day, I hope you had a wonderful celebration up in heaven...Love and miss you always...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 13th day of Feb. 2022....I know I have been falling behind writing these letters...It has nothing to do with me forgetting it simply is I haven't done anything to write you about. Actually that is also true for today. Liz and Tator went to a shoot in Wisconsin Rapids I believe and Tator took second place....I know you would be proud of that. I gave Mom a shower this afternoon she did pretty good and it always makes her feel better. Liz took the taxes in for me on Friday as you always handled that and I just wasn't sure. The world is such a bad place, now it looks like war will be braking out and people have just had it with Covid stuff all over the world. The doggies are doing good I put Rena on a diet and she doesn't seem to mind it. I was thinking about a Aldi's run but, I fond it hard to leave the house. It's been almost 8 months and I still feel exactly the same. I think 8 months is long enough, I just don't know what he is waiting for...The nighs have been so cold it was minus 17 this morning it has been a long cold winter with plenty of snow. The plow guy came the other day so he is keeping up with that really well. John, Dusty and Braydon went fishing on Saturday and Braydon got third place with a blue gill. Jo called and she said they finally did sell that little house that Nicole lived in for awhile and Marty got a job at Menards in the lumber department just for something to do I guess. Well baby thats about all the news I have..I love and miss you so much...Love you always...Laura"

"Hi baby, well its the 9th day of Jan. 2022..I haven't felt well the last few days so I haven't wrote you but, I did leave messages on your phone. My knee is almost back to normal but, now for some reason the left side of my face ( cheek area ) is all swollen up. Maybe parts of my body will just start swolling up. maybe one part will and that will be the end...I don't know how you would be doing if I left first but, I am pretty sure you would be doing better than me. I do not feel any better than the day you left, infact I would say worse.I haven't done anything the last few days and the doggies are bored and shedding like crazy..I think the carpet has more dog hair than actual carpet. I will have to do some cleaning tomorrow if I feel like it or not before things get to far out of hand..Yesterday eariler morning I just bumped the tube that runs from the toilet into the wall and it broke, Water was squirting out all over and fast. I turned every knob in the laundry room until it stopped. I had no idea what was what. I wish I would have paid a lot more attention to that kind of stuff. Anyway it saw a lot of water and I used every single towel in the house. Dusty came over after work and went to Ace and replaced the part that was broken..Thank God for him...I was so scared that it wouldn't shut off..but, it did we just didn't have any running water for the day, which really didn't matter because I have 3 gallons in the frig and several gallons on the deck and the stairs to the garage. I hope that will be it for awhile...It's hard not knowing anything about how things work. Well that is about it...I love and miss you every minute..PS..Douglas stopped by and we just talked for a hour or so and he helped me clean up the bathroom mess..It was nice to see him again it's been awhile. Love you always...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 5th of Feb. 2022....The days and nights are still freezing getting down 15 below at night....Its just to cold out to do anything,I wish I could take the doggies for a run around but, thier feet get so cold. All I do is go out to bring in firewood and sometimes to the mailbox. I just don't know what to do with myself..John and Sharon brought me a generator just in case I lose power. Although it hasn't happened much in the last 26 or 27 years but better safe than sorry. I haven't heard from Douglas yet...I don't know what to think about it...Liz and the boys have been busy at the club and Dusty hasn't been feeling very well the last few days. Mom was doing pretty good but, then last night was a bad one, I hope she can get some rest tonight. Poor Ripzy is having a hard time with this cold and she is so unsteady as it is, I can't let her go outside alone because her feet get so cold she holds them up and then falls over and she can't get herself back up. I miss you so much I wish there was away to come and get you and bring you home. Well baby just remember how much I love and miss you..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 3rd of Feb, 2022..Exactly 1 month till your 67th birthday. Liz and I went shopping yesterday just to walmart but, we both stocked up alittle. After walking around the store for a hour my knee was really to blow up, I couldn't wait to get off of it. I am going to put Rena on a diet she isn't getting to run around much these days as it has been just so cold. I bought her a bag of large carrots for treats and I am going to put her on a tuna, veggie diet hopefully that will work. Other than that nothing much else happened. I just can not seem to get out of this depression....I really just don't want to see or go anywhere. I hope and pray you are having the time of your life catching up with your parents and all our furry family members who have passed. I just pray it won't be to long before I can join you...If you won't come back home here with me then I want to come by you. I haven't heard from Douglas in a very long time, I hope I didn't do anything that got him upset with me. I don't want to contact him again and push myself on him, I just miss him too. Well baby remember I will always love you ...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 31st of Jan. 2022 the last day of Jan. Well I went to the mailbox,brought up the garbage can and made soup..woohoo. Same old thing over and over. I don't even enjoy cooking anymore I loved cooking for you but,now it just seems like a big waste of time and effort. Liz had to bring over some can kitty food as Diamond eat her last one this morning..I know you told me 1 can a day but, she just follows you around asking for more,I hate to tell her no as she is 14 years old and what the hell she likes it. I sure wish you were here I still don't understand so much and I find myself questioning everything. Why do we have to stay here if our loved ones left? I am just sitting here waiting for my turn. I have no desire to go out or meet up with my friends at all, I mean I still love them all but, I just can not get myself to do anything but, sit here and wait. Please don't get me wrong I am not looking for pity or anything along that line It is just how I feel, although the doggies have the ability to make me smile and laugh especially Rena she has a personality of her own. I just want to come by you so bad, I have no idea what God is waiting for. If he wishes me to complete some sort of mission he is going to have to come right out and tell me because it has been 7 months since you left and I still have no idea what to do or how to do it and I have to say I don't think I would have the mind set to do much of anything. I know I can not go yet as Mom still needs me but, after that I am ready and willing. I know Liz would take care of the fur balls and if Rena would get a long with Douglas and Taylor doggy I am sure he would help Liz with that. My life ins. should be enough where she maybe could work part time or even just stay home after Douglas got his cut that is. I have to say it would be pretty wonderful if God took Mom and I home minutes apart then we could help each other. Anyway we will have to see..Maybe my mission is to take care of Mom and after she goes to her heavenly home my mission will be complete..cross you fingers. You have to wonder why we have to do all this..I mean life in general why? God bring people together they have a family and then one by one we all die It kind of feels like life is nothing more than a middle man..Right when you are ready to weep the rewards for working, raising a family and are financially pretty good you die...It feels like a sick joke.If we came from heaven and eventually return to heaven why can't we just stay in heaven and skip this living part..It doesn't matter if you have a wonderful life and everything is cotton candy and unicorns you will die and leave people behind to cry, mourn and attempt to pick up the pieces of thier broken heart. It feels like a huge waste of time to me when at the end you are miserable and alone. Well baby you may have all the answers to all the questions we here on earth keep searching for but, it's not helpful if you can't inform any of us. Well Honey I am going to call it a night. It is actually amazing how tired one gets when they don't do anything...Ron I love and miss you so much and I just can not wait to join you. Love always Laura...Pss..Rena, Zara, Ripzy and Diamond send all thier love and they all miss you too..."

"Hi Baby, Well its the 30th of Jan. 2022...As of yesterday you have been gone 7 months...I still can not believe it..It just doesn't seem like that to me. I keep reading listening to videos and I just don't know what to believe. All I know for sure is you left way to soon, and I don't know what to do without you. The worlds a mess shooting and killing all over, part of me is glad that you are happy and healthy away from all this but, a part of me wants you here with me. I don't feel safe like I used to and I have trouble leaving the house.Non of which is your fault, I guess just knowing you were here gave more so much comfort.I listened a a Jewish Rabi yesterday and I likes a lot of what he said, It was a different point of view then I have heard in the past. Liz was going to bring the boys over tomorrow as school is off for the day but, Dusty has a cold and is going to stay home with them instead. Well baby, please remember I love and miss you every minute of every day...Love always Laura"

"Hi baby, Its the 28th of Jan. 2022...Well not much happened today..pretty much same old same old...Liz and Dusty did a little shopping for me so that was nice. It was -20 below when I woke up this morning..it has been cold for several days now. I hope you are getting these or someone is telling you about them as I have prayed and asked God to give you these messages. I haven't heard from Douglas in a long while I don't know why I think it may be hard for him to see me like this. I can't seem to stop crying it just comes in waves and I have no control over it. In a strange way I am glad you went first so you never have to feel like this. I can not imagine how people that have lost a child feel..this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and the one person I want to talk with is the one who isn't here anymore. I really thought as time passed it would get easier but, it hasn't I guess there are things time can not heal. I love and miss you so much..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it is the 26th of Jan. 2022, I didn't write yesterday as I never did anything to tell you about, I did leave a message on your phone. I didn't do anything today either I am still having problems with this knee it just doesn't seem to want to get better, I am hoping this cold weather is the cause of it but, who knows.I just didn't want you to think I gave up on writing you because I did not. I just thought I would check in and once again tell you how much I miss you..nothing feels right any more without you here. I love and miss you baby...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 24th of Jan. 2022...My knee is still pretty bad so I haven't done or gone anything. I am hoping it's just weather related and I didn't do anything to it.Sharon came over today and brought me some pills to take for it I sure hope it does something.I haven't seen or heard from either of the kids, I know Liz has been busy with the club this weekend.Dusty came by yesterday and today and took out the garbage and bring in the mail which was nice as the last thing I need to do is fall. I miss you around here so much everything I touch and look at you are in it. I just don't feel right that I am here living in your house without you, we were going to grow old here together. I just can't imagine what God wants me to do with the rest of this life, you were my whole life for almost 40 years. Well baby, like I said I haven't done a darn thing to talk about so just remember I love and miss you every minute of every day..Love Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 22nd of Jan. 2022..Sorry I haven't wrote you in the past few days, I really haven't done to much to tell you about. I did go to the bank, butcher and fleet farm to get another 100 lbs of doggie food. My knee is just killing me, I didn't do anything to hurt it that I can remember but, it is bad. I just wanted to hop on here quick and tell you that I miss you so much..the nights are not getting any better thats when it hits me the hardest. Just remember and never forget I love you and miss you and I always well...Love you always....Laura "

"Hi Baby, It's the 19th of Jan.2022....Once again I didn't do anything I mean nothing I haven't even walked out to the mailbox yet. Tator and Liz stopped by for awhile Tator's going through the normal 13,14 and 15 year old head in the clouds phase. I remember wishing that phase would go by quick when our kids were going through it, now I wish I could have them back at that age. I listened to some of Biden's speech today wow it was pretty bad....I wish I could turns the hands of time back for so many reasons. I just can't look to the future when I just want nothing more then to go back in time. You may have been a big pain in my ass at times but, you were also my love my life and my rock. I feel so grateful, lost and unaware of so many things I don't know where to turn or where to start. Douglas must have gotten busy because he said he was going to call but, never did maybe tomorrow. He did send a message saying he still feels good so I thank God for that. I keep searching for answers about heaven and if you can hear me or read these letters but, I guess nobody really knows. I pray to Jesus that if you are not able to hear me or read these letters that Jesus will tell you about them and give you my messages I guess this is another test of faith. I just want you to know not a day goes by that I don't speak to you and tell you that I am so grateful you came into my life and gave me two beautiful children a beautiful home and so much more. I would do it all over again thank you for everything. I think we kind of completed each other. I was usually to serious and you weren't serious enough so you helped me relax and enjoy life more and I helped you be a little more responsible with things and once we figured that out we did pretty good in life. Well baby, please always remember I love you and miss you...please save a place for me in heaven I really pray I wont be to long...Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 17th of Jan. 2022..The speech I was waiting for so pretty much nothing new I was disappointed to say the least.Liz took me to walmart yesterday and they had all the christmas scented candles on sale for 3 dollars so I got a bunch. I haven't really done anything else...I guess later in the week it's going to get really cold again so I am glad the fireplace is working. Today seemed like such a long day I just miss you so much and being here alone is not fun, yet I don't want to go anywhere either so figure that one out. Douglas and Taylor both have covid..Douglas feels fine but, I guess Taylor doesn't feel very well.Everyone here is fine..We had a doggie visitor this morning he looked young and about the same size as Zara. I put out some food and gave him 3 hotdogs..I also opened the garage door and placed a blanket in there in case he needed a brake but, I don't think he used it. I saw a truck drive by and then I didn't see him anymore so maybe he was found and picked up.Anyway Like I said nothing new down here I just can not get adjusted to this new life I was force to take on. I am just glad you are no longer unhealthy and living in the best place ever you deserve all of it. Please remember I miss and love you always...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 14th of Jan.2022.....As usual I didn't do much today my darn knee pain kept me up most of the night. I just got out of the tub which felt really good I hope soaking my knee awhile will help a little. Liz called and said she's going to come over tomorrow and watch Trump's rally with me. We are hoping for some really good news..If what we have been listening to is correct we should be seeing some progress with his return and exposing the left. I sure with you were here to go through all this with me...I try to remind myself God's will..will be done and he knows what is best. Sometimes that does get me through sometimes not. From what I understand we are waiting for the phrase " we are in the storm " either by Trump himself or maybe someone else. I guess his rally start's at 6pm our time which is nice and early. Phil the guy I listen to is going to cover it as well so that should be interesting at least I hope so. Well Baby I love and miss you so much and I sure wish you were here with me right now...Love always Laura"

"Hi baby, Well it is the 13th day of Jan. 2022....Didn't do to much today, It was a little warming today so I did take the doggies over by Liz's house so they could run awhile. I never made it to the bank as it snowed a little this morning and you know how I feel about driving in the snow, I just like to avoid it if I can. Poor Ripzy her back legs or hip just doesn't work very good anymore she has such a hard time getting up and down, I help her as much as I can but, sometimes she is so quick I just don't get to her in time. Made a crock-pot full of bean soup it turned out pretty good but, my guts has a few issues with it. Then I made a cake with lazy dazy topping but, Mom said I left it under the broiler a little to long but, I don't mind it. I think now that the fire-place is working again I am going to try and wash the downstairs bathroom walls in the morning it was a little to cold before the fire-place got repaired. I am really thinking about getting some silver through the guy I follow on the computer. I am a little scared of getting screwed but, I don't want to miss out either. I will have to watch a show he put together that explains everything as I don't know anything about silver. I wish you were here so I could have a conversation about it with you, you always were better at finding information about stuff. Trumps speech is Saturday I hope he has good news for us. Phil the guy I follow said we have completed all the markers for Trumps return to office and he may reveal some info on Saturday I pray that is true. Everything is so crazy I really don't know if I am even listening to the right people. I don't know who is dead or who is alive or if people are who they say they are so crazy. I think back to what John Paul Jackson said and it does line up with that so I guess I will just have to wait and see. Everything I am being told (learning about ) appears so off the wall but, he did say early on that when the truth does come out it will shake the world. I think I am ready for what ever does come as far as food, water, got some money out and the cars are both full, I just don't know what else to do. Well Baby that's about it...I love you and miss you so much and I just want to thank you for everything you have done for me...Love you always Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 12th of Jan. 2022....The guy came and got the fireplace running It's now on a switch as the thermostat wires broke but, that's alright I will deal with that later. I am just glad there is heat...Other than that I didn't do much just waited for him to come. There isn't much to do in the winter even if it has warmed up. Trump is speaking Saturday so I will watch that I hope he has some good news sure could use some. Maybe I will run to the bank tomorrow as I have to cash Mom's check for her, I am not sure yet I will see how things go...Anyway Baby please remember I love you and Miss you everyday...Love you Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 11th of Jan. 2022..I guess I had a rather bad day, Nothing actually happened I just lost it for awhile..I can't really help it, it comes and goes all by itself with little to no warning. I did manage to get a few things done but, not a whole lot. I just wish I could some how understand the meaning of all this, I just don't get it. Right now I am just praying the fireplace guy comes and can fix it without to much trouble. Our poor wood burner has been working it's head off, But it's been doing a good job. I guess things are warming up a little now thank goodness that cold snap was bad. Poor Ripzy 's feet just got so cold she couldn't even walk. My knee just wont give it up, it wakes me up several times a night..I don't know whats wrong with it. I haven't heard from Douglas in a while maybe I will drop him a line. Trump has a rally on the 15th I am praying he will say something good and give us some hope. I am sorry I don't have much to tell you, as I don't do anything but, miss you. I just pray you are very happy, healthy and safe which you deserve. I just pray we don't have to be apart for much longer it's almost been 7 months which is to long already if you ask me.Just remember I love you and miss you every minute of every day baby I really do...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby It's the 10th of Jan 2022..Sorry Baby but, I have to make this a short one...It's so cold I pray all the people with outside animals bring them in it's just to cold for anything out there. I just want you to know that I love you and miss you and I will never forget you ....I will write more tomorrow maybe in the morning..Love you always ...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 9th day of Jan. 2022.....Very cold today, I cleaned a little and then Liz and I went to walmart. I stocked up on a few things that were getting low. I keep hearing maybe this week something will happen but, I have heard that so many times I don't know what to believe any more. I f it is going to happen this week i would have hated being ready for so long and then not being ready when it actually happened. Both cars are full and freezer and cabinets are full so bring it on. I guess the guy is coming Wed. at noon to take a look at the fireplace, I pray he can fix it Lord knows I know you could. I am just going to settle in for the next week or so as the weather is just going to get colder and colder and I don't want to go out in that. Well honey, I hope you can read this if not I am going to ask Jesus to read it to you. I love and miss you every minute...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 8th day of Jan. 2022....It has been pretty cold the last few days so I haven't gone anywhere or done anything. I just been reading the Bible and listening to my programs and hoping something will change or get started. It's been over 6 months since you went to Heaven and I feel pretty much the same, every time I think I may be making some progress turns out I am not. I miss you more and more each and very day I just want our life back....I never realized how much comfort you brought to me by simply just being in this house, our home. I know that sounds and is selfish as you are in the best place there is, why would I ever want you to leave it, I just miss you so much and I feel so lost and without any direction. I have no idea what to do with my life you were my life. I know the doggies need me and Diamond but, that's about it, I don't really have any other purpose that I can think of. God hasn't let me know what he wants from me or what he wishes for me to do. I have spoke to him several times and I don't mean any disrespect what so ever but, I did say I will do what ever he wishes me to do other than leave this home. I know giving God a statement like that is not a good or respectful thing but, this house is so important to me, you built it and you are in everything in this house I just can not let that go I pray and pray he understands. I just wish none of this would have happened I wished I would have been able to heal you and make you well. I just can not understand what good came from this. I know you were sick and now you are healthy but, God could have healed you here and let you stay with me. At least I think that is true I have to keep reading and learning which is going to take a long while. Well Baby, please just know and remember I love you and I have always loved you...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 7th day of Jan.2022.....I took the doggies over to Liz's for a little running around, It was to cold for Ripzy so she went in the house. We only stayed for about 45 minutes as the temp really drops fast as soon as the sun goes down, But a little running around is better than none. I began be Bible readings again I would tell you the name of the book but, I can't even say the name yet spell it. I was watching one of my shows and a pastor suggested reading three books, I read along and listen to it on the computer at the same time. ( I pray that counts.) I do find it interesting and Lord knows I want to learn. Nobody for the fireplace yet..darn...It's going to get pretty cold the next few nights. Well Baby I do wish and pray you come and visit again if that was you...I am choosing to believe it was you so...Please come again and more often. I love and miss you always...Love Laura xxoo"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 6th day of Jan. 2022. Trump was going to speak tonight but, once again plans changed, which is getting rather old. We got alot of snow yesterday but, the plow guy came around 9pm which was nice and I paid him right away for this plowing and the last one. Nobody came yet for the fireplace down stairs I hope they come soon. I know you would know what to do to get it going but, I do not have a clue. They say it's going down to -12 tonight..that's cold and it looks like it will be colder later in the week. I don't know if it was you who turned on the flashlight the other night but, that is what I am choosing to believe. It brings me a lot of comfort knowing you are here and can hear me or God and Jesus are letting you know what I am saying and writing you. I miss you so much and I don't know where I should be going or doing. I keep listening to my programs and trying to stay positive knowing God wins but, some times it hard. I love you so much and miss you all the time and I remain grateful for everything you did for me, I just wish you could be here enjoying it with me. Love you always...Laura..ps..please visit me again"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 4th day of Jan. 2021...Kept myself busy today taking down the Christmas tree and lights then cleaning all the fallen pine needles. Carried in some wood because they are saying a winter storm is coming tonight about 9 pm. I also had to run to town to get mom her eye pills as I forgot them the other day so I picked up some candles as well. I really wish you were here I have so many things to talk to you about mostly everything that's happening or not happening in this world. I don't know what or who to believe anymore it's just what John Paul Jackson said wrong is right up is down and so on and so on. I guess when it comes down to it there's really nothing I can do but, wait and see and prayer on it. So far nobody has come to check out the downstairs fire place so it chilli down here not horbile but, not really comfortable either, I am afraid to see what the electric bill is going to be using the space heater to warm it up a little. Well baby I love and miss you so much I know I say that all the time but it is true. I have to tuck mom in bed for the night and then watch Phil and maybe find out something. Love you always Laura"

"Hi Baby, well it's the 3rd day of Jan. 2022...Sorry I didn't write yesterday but,Liz and I did some running around and I was wiped out. It has cold for the last few days to cold to do anything outside at all. I ran to the bank, walgreens and stopped at the butcher and got the doggies some bones then came home. I started a new filing system not much different but I am keeping track of all money spent just incase. I just don't trust whats going on any more. This world is so messed up you can't tell who is being honest any more. I only go out if i have to other than that I just stay home.It has been so cold I haven't even taken the dogs for a run. I wish you were here, I just hate this, I just want you here where you belong. I don't even understand what I am doing here any more I wish someone up there would give me some answers. People say " you should just be happy your are alive" why? for what? I just don't understand this game. Well baby, I guess some how and some way I have to figure this out as I have no idea this is not how I pictured my life going thats for sure. All I am sure of right now is I am ready when the Lord wants me I just don't want to play this game anymore. It's been over 6 months and I feel no further along and I just don't care about things like I used to. I think when you left I left too. I love and miss you so much...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 1st day of January 2022.....We had a house fill this afternoon into the evening Liz and her family, Doug and his family John and Sharon the only one missing was you. I think everyone enjoyed the dinner and all their gifts. I wish the kids wouldn't spend their money on me but, I do like everything I got. Mom and me got matching PJ's...cute...I just like when both families are her together and I know you always enjoyed that too. I do have to say I am glad the holidays are over though they were hard for me...I am trying to be so grateful for everything I have and I am grateful but, I just want you back here with us. It's hard to feel such gratefulness and pain at the same time. I know you are healthy now and that's wonderful you deserve that after years all the things you had to go through. I just wish God would have healed you here on earth, and to be honest thats what I struggle with why he didn't do that.Well Baby I love and miss you very much..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 31st of December the last day of the 2021 year. As usual I spent the day missing you. Tomorrow we are having our Christmas/New year dinner, Sharon said John wasn't feeling well today I hope he feels better tomorrow so they can come for dinner. At first I did want all this years Holidays just to pass by because I couldn't imagine having them in your house without you here. Liz said we never know if Mom ( Grandma) will still be here with us next year. I would feel really bad if her last Christmas we had nothing. I just can't believe you have been gone for 6 months, I don't know how I actually make it through the days. I am very grateful for everything you left me with, I really am but, for some reason I feel funny being in your house without you. I mean I feel very comfortable here and I love this house but, I just feel it is yours. I got Liz a heart that said " I used to be Daddies angel and now he's mine " I thought it was very fitting and pretty. I got Douglas a wallet with a little saying in it hope he likes it. Well if I get through tomorrow I think the other holiday's won't be to bad, Of course Your Birthday will be a really hard day. Well Baby I love you and miss you every minute of every day...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 30th of December 2021. Only one more day left in this crappy, crappy Year. I am just getting ready to call it a night but, I didn't want to go to bed without writing you a small letter. Liz and her family, Douglas and his family and John and Sharon are coming over for a Christmas/New year dinner and opening some Christmas gifts on the 1st which is Saturday so I will have to do some cleaning tomorrow to get somethings ready. I wish with all my heart you were joining us that would be the best Christmas/New years gift of all time. I just can not wrap my head around the fact you have been in heaven for 6 months already everything seems like yesterday to me. I miss you so much and I have no idea what direction God wants me to travel I feel lost, alone and fustrated and on the other hand I feel blessed and thankful . I feel like two different people at the same time. I listened to Phil again tonight and I just don't know what to believe, whats true I have no idea.One thing is for sure I can not do anything but, wait and see what happens and pray on it. I love and miss you so much and I pray you can read these or Jesus tells you about them. All my Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well its the 29th of December 2021..In just under a hour and a half you will have been gone for 6 months, I just can not believe it. It just doesn't seem possible to me. I miss you every minute of every day but, I really miss you when thing go wrong and a few days ago the fireplace downstairs just stopped working. I tried everything but, I just could not get it going and it was getting pretty cold down here. Dusty came over and did everything he could think of but, nothing. Dusty did put the space heater on in Liz's old room and it really did make a difference. I can sit down here (where I feel closer to you) without freezing so that means a lot. I always knew you were smart but, wow I am learning the hard way how smart you really were. I just miss you so much I just don't think I have what it takes to keep going, It seems like I am just waiting for the next thing to happen that I will not have a clue about. I know you are healthy now and that makes me happy, I just wish God would have healed you down here so you could have stayed with us. I feel so bad leaning on Dusty and Liz so much they have their own lifes and family and I am sure she doesn't want to take all her free time fixing me and our stuff. She always tells me to call but, Its hard to bother her so much., I just don't know what I would do without them.Well baby, I will write you again tomorrow, I miss you and love you more than I can say....Love always and forever and ever Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 27th of December 2021....We got the snow last night but, the plow guy came around 9:30 and plowed the driveway. I shoveled the decks and whatnot, Now it's getting pretty windy outside. I guess more snow is on the way this week. I guess I really didn't do much more than that today but, it did pass the time. I seem to do pretty good realizing everything during the day but, night comes and that all goes right out the window. For what every reason nothing makes sense to me at night, I don't understand what happened or why it happened all I know for sure is I miss you around here. I listen to all my programs during the day and I came to terms with things but, at night it all goes away and I can't seem to get back on track. Sorry I didn't write yesterday but, I was having a pretty bad night and I couldn't seem to get it together. Well I better give Mom here pills for the night. Please remember I love you and miss you...Love always..Laura "

"Hi Baby, Merry Christmas!...It's the 25th of December 2021. I am really missing you tonight actually all day. Dusty, Liz and the boys came over and we grilled out some steaks and chicken for the time of year it was pretty nice out. We are all going to get together on New years day for a ham dinner. Dusty made you a box to put your ashes in awhile back but, for what ever reason I just couldn't do it. I guess deep down I was hoping this wasn't real and you would come home, I think part of me still is hoping. but, today we did it and it looks nice. I just don't know what to think or pray for any more I don't know what I am going to do or what God wants me to do I have no idea. I am not even sure you can hear me or if Jesus is telling you I write and speak to you every day. All I can do is keep trying I don't know what else to do. Well Baby I hope and pray you had a wonderful Christmas and I hope and pray I can join you sooner than later. Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby Well it's the 24th or December 2021..Christmas Eve....It doesn't feel very much like Christmas. All I want for Christmas is you back here. Dusty, Liz and the boys went over to Dustin's parents for dinner and gifts, It is very very foggy outside they may have a rough drive home. I went over to thier house while they were gone and put the gifts under the tree and whatnot like we did last year. My knee's have been just so painful lately I don't know whats going on with them but, its just painful to walk. I don't know when we will have Christmas here yet as Douglas isn't feeling well and I don't know who has off when. Other than missing you I guess everything is going ok, I don't really do anything. I did talk to both Julie and Wendy for about a hour each last night. Well baby until tomorrow I love and miss you tons...Love you always laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 23rd of December 2021...It started snowing this morning so Dusty was called into work.He dropped off Braydon as Liz was working also. We made some cookies for Brian and Tracey as they moved all the garden dirt for me this summer. Braydon took it over to them. I had a nice talk with Braydon about Jesus he had a lot of questions which I answered to the best of my ability without speaking about death. He was pretty cute and very interested which I thought was wonderful. He even went downstairs and came back up and told me he talked to Jesus but, he said when he prayed he said Dear Jesus.....cute. He is at the age where he can understand and still be full of questions. Tomorrow is Christmas eve already....it still doesn't feel like it used to when you were here with us. If I could have one thing for Christmas it would be you back here with me. I am so grateful that here I am still in this home with mom and all the animals, baking cookies. having coffee safe from the weather total safe and that's all because of you, Jesus and God almighty working together. I am so grateful for so many things my only wish/prayer is that you were here with me. SWell Baby, I hope and pray you are happy, healthy and safe and I can not wait to see you again...Love always and forever...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 22nd of December 2021...Sorry I didn't write yesterday I was wore out with the cleaning the walls. I finished reading/listening to the book of Luke tonight. I want to go back and listen to the entire book of Luke as things just don't sink in the first time with me. Liz and I finished wrapping all the Christmas gift's last night so that is done, I have to get John and Sharon yet. I really wish you were here....Nothing feels right at all. I try to take comfort in your happy and healthy but, I guess I am just selfish because I just want you back here with me. Douglas is not feeling well, I hope and pray he gets better soon. I prayed to Jesus to let you know about these letters and what I talk to you about throughout the day just in case you can not hear me or read these. I read in the book of Luke about the marriage situation in heaven and I do understand what Jesus is saying I still feel rather bad about it, I guess I just want to be married to you for all endearing time. I love and miss you so much sometimes I don't know what I am going to do, I pray for the Lord to give me some kind of direction as I have no idea what he wants me to do. Well baby, please remember I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 20th of December 2021. I am so sorry I haven't written in a couple days...We have been having some bad weather with power outages and then Jackie came up to visit Mom and then Jo came up so it's been busy. I have talked to you several times each day which I can only pray you hear. I kept busy today and cleaned the family room..I washed all the walls man they were dirty and then one job lead to another and so on. Only 5 more days till Christmas man I wish you were here your all I want for Christmas. The grief counselor called today and I spoke with her for awhile but, they really don't seem to do anything for me, I am glad the same people feel better speaking with them but, I just don't. She didn't know you so it feel funny. I think talking to our puppies does me alot more good they knew you and they miss you too. I actually can not wait until all these holidays are over nothing feel right without you here. I have been watching my programs and now they are saying Jan, 2022 I swear it cbeeter happen soon I just have to believe God has this. Liz came over last night and we wrapped a bunch of Christmas gifts but, we still have a few more to do. Douglas got his car fixed it was about 1300 which I didn't think was to bad. Well honey please remember that I love you and miss you always and forever...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 16th day of December 2021, I didn't write you yesterday as we had a bad storm and lost the internet along with power on and off throughout the night. The winds were bad 50 to 100mph in some areas. Sharon was out of power from 2am until a little after 5pm. I am so blessed you built such a nice strong home for us, we were all safe and sound out of all the bad weather. It rained so hard but only lasted for about 10 or 15 minutes and we lost like 7 inches of snow. I do miss you and wish you were here with us, I just can not figure out what I am doing here without you. Douglas's steaks came today I have them on the porch Lord knows it's cold enough out there. Liz and I are going to the bank in the morning to get the tax money and send Moms tax check for the cottage, It will be nice to get those out of the way. Liz and the boys went down to the club to unload some targets and I am going to do some cleaning tonight, not much just vacuum and straighten things out. Anyway I miss you so much and wish I could see you and speak with you..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 14th day of December 2021...I am so confused the more I research the more confused I become. Pat Robinson on the 700 club said you can not hear me or see me and other say you can, I just don't know it's like for every one person who says yes you can hear me there's one that says you can't. I just don't know what or who to believe and the Bible really doesn't go into this question that I can find. If you can not hear me or read these letter's I pray that Jesus will tell you what I am saying and writing to you. I just feel lost, confused, alone and I have no direction. Ripzy has been having a hard time last night and today and Moms not doing great either. I guess most of us here are having one type of problem or another. They say it going to be in the 50's tomarrow so I am hoping all the snow that slid off the roof will melt, I am going to try and spread it around a bit so it will melt easier. I am just trying to make it one day at a time but, there are no good days really ; just easier ones, the night's are still pretty bad that's for sure. Well honey that's about it I didn't do anything but, try and make Ripzy comfortable as she had a bad night and the day wasn't good either. I love you and miss you...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 13th day of December 2021......Oh I really miss you tonight. I did a lot of shoveling today on the back beck and knocking down the snow on the roof and then shoveling it up. It got pretty nice out today so the snow was melting pretty nice. I guess they say over 50 on Tuesday or Wednesday and then it's going to drop back down again. I just wish you were here I don't know if what I am doing is right or wrong or makes no difference at all. All I can do is what I believe is right even if I have no knowledge to base that opinion on. I counted on you for so much ..so many things I never considered and now I am here alone and I don't know jack about so many things. I just want you to know I am trying my hardest to keep everything up, I know how hard you worked to build this house for us and I will not let anything happen to it if I can help it.Diamond and all the puppies are doing good and mom's doing ok..I guess I am the one who is the mess. I love and miss you very much..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 12th day of December 2021....Liz came and took me shopping today so I was able to get somethings and do some Christmas Shopping done. I still can't think of anything else for the boys. I think i may just give Liz and Dusty money so they can get what they want..I just don't like going out alone period. I swear if there is something that could go wrong I will think about it and worry about it...I was never that way before but, I always had you to come get me or fix what ever needed fixing. I just feel safer being here at home and actually there is nowhere I want to go other than maybe taking the doggies for arun but, than come right back home. My knee feels a little batter tonight I was worried with all the walking it maybe sore but, it doesn't feel to bad. I ran into Steve at walmart I am sure you remember him, he said his sister who is your age as dementisha ( not spilled right) that's sad 66 is still pretty young and Steve got divorced a lot of people going through a lot of different issues in life. Friday Liz is going to take me to the bank to get the Tax money to pay them before the end of the month. I also have to send Mom's taxes so i can do everything on the same day. Well baby that's about all...I love and miss you more than I could ever say..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 11th day of December 2021...We got so much snow I would say over a foot.We got plowed out and I did the decks so we are good.I will do the bottom deck in the morning, my knee still hurts but, not as bad. It's going to be a white Christmas for sure....It's hard to be merry when you are not here. Dusty has been working and working with all this snow...There was a huge storm that went through like 6 states a lot of people died, it's hard to lose anyone but, when you lose them right before a holiday that makes it so much harder. I feel so sorry for all those people and their families. they have a long hard road ahead of them..It's been almost 6 month's since you have gone and I don't feel any better and it's not getting any easier.People think you should thank God that you wake up every morning, they don't understand waking up and opening your eye's just means another day of pain and loss it's not a good feeling sometimes I just say "shit". I think I am going to attempt to get to walmart some time tomarrow we will see. Poor Ripzy is having a reck of a time in this deep snow, I have been taking her outfront on the driveway so it is easier on her. Well baby I don't do anything so I never have much to write about I just pray you are reading these.. I love and miss you so much...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 10th of December 2021...Getting a lot of snow today into Saturday afternoon..I somehow hurt my knee I don't know what I did to it....Do to the snow storm I haven't gone anywhere, not that i want to go anywhere anyway..I do have a few Christmas things to get yet..I am just not really in a Christmas mood this year without you here nothing feel right. Zara and Rena were playing so nice in the backyard plowing through the snow I went out there and here they had a little mouse or mole thing chasing it through the snow, just having a blast. I had liz order Douglas's gifts but, I still have the boys,lydia and taylor and I have no ideas..Lydia won't be hard she's little. I don't know what to get Mom either but, she is happy with anything or with nothing. I have to keep a close eye on Ripzy I sure don't want her to slip and fall in this snow and hurt herself. Maybe Liz can take me shopping on Sunday if the weather is better or if she's not to busy. Well Baby that's about all I have other than I love and miss you...Love always Laura"

"Hi baby, It's the 9th of December 2021....I spent most of the day shoveling trying to stay a little ahead of the snow. I swept the roof off as far as I could reach on the step stool but, it really didn't help to much. I am attempting to keep up but, I guess the bigger storm is starting Friday afternoon into Saturday afternoon they say it is going to be wet and heavy snow...Joy...I hope the kids will be safe driving in that crap..I worry about that all the time.I don't know whats right or wrong anymore...all I feel is anger....I try to understand but, I just can't. I don't know why he left me here..to do what? When you left I left too..I don't feel the same about anything you were my everything. I read post all the time saying if God woke you up this morning be glad and grateful..But, I am not glad nor am I grateful it's just another day of punishment. I am grateful for what I have don't get me wrong I know we worked hard to have it but, without you here it just doesn't have the same feeling or meaning. I have good life insurance if God would take me now the kids would be fine and have a good start on life, leaving me here does nothing. The only thing I ask is that God take the doggies Diamond and Mom all together. I don't think any of us would be happy without each other. I just want to be with you Ron and always have ,so don't leave me here alone. I pray you actually read these and I am not just wasting my time. I love you and miss you more and more with each passing day...Love you always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 8th of december 2021...Well baby I tried to make the downstairs a little more Christmasy for ya I didn't have a tree but, I did the next best thing..I hope you like it. At least it's a little more colorful. Liz got a 9 pointer tonight in her backyard, they are taking it up to John and Sharon's tonight i guess John is going to cut it up for her. I did a lot of shoveling today, the driveway, by the gas tank just incase they deliver and both back becks..It felt good to get outside and do some work. Amy drove by and asked if I needed some help but, I told her I was fine, she said if I need anything they are available,,,very nice. Everyone was been so helpful and kind I am so glad we built out here..The house is wonderful, the yard is wonderful and the neighbors are wonderful I am truly blessed, all i am missing in my life is you. Everyday is hard because you are not here and if I could bring you back I would without a thought. I feel blessed I knew you and married you and had your children and know I live a very comfortable life because I knew you; all I can say is Thank You. We may have went through hard times but,everyone does in one way or another , but we came out the other side stronger and better for it and I believe the Lord they God was guiding us the entire way. I am blessed, grateful and happy to say you are my husband brought to me by God. Although I do not understand God's ways I must have and maintain faith that God is always right and is always loving and wouldn't do anything to intentionally harm us as he loves us with all his heart. It may not be easy at times but, maybe it's not meant to be easy maybe this is where God tests your faith. I believe you are safe, healthy and happy and you are with your parent's and other family members who have been reborn into heaven before you.All i ask of you this night is that you remember me and greet me with open arms and the loved we shared here on earth when it is my time to join you in paradise. Kat Kerr said there is no marriage in heaven which saddens my heart. She also say's we all get a mansion...Honestly I would rather live in an outhouse with you and give glory to God all day long than live alone in a mansion. I love and miss you every minute of every day Ron and if I could turn back the hands of time I would but, I can not. Please remember me and always remember I love you with every ounce of my being...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 7th of December 2021, I really did nothing today I just couldn't get the will to do anything. I didn't even make dinner just put in a pizza for Mom. I have been reading and listening to the book of Luke I seem to understand it more that way. I know I will have to do it several times to understand it all. I want to understand it, I have so many questions and they say all the answers are between the pages of the bible so I am searching. I wish I had more than a forth of a brain it would make it easier. I wish we could have a conversation about it that would be wonderful. Just seeing you and talking to you about anything would be wonderful. I kind of feel myself giving up on hope with anything and I don't like that. I feel like maybe my faith is being tested and I'm not doing very well. I don't want to give up I want answers but, the more I search for answers the more questions I have it's a endless circle. I guess when it comes right down to it I have to keep moving forward I just can't figure out how. I love and miss you so much it's hard to do anything else it takes up every thought I have everything somehow or another leads right back to you. I hope Lucy is doing ok or at least better than me. Well baby that's about it for tonight..I love and miss you all the time...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 6th day of December 2021. I didn't do much today as it is freezing out. I cleaned most of the day and that's about it. Aiden has a Christmas Concert tonight..I gave him a card and $60.00 so he could take every one out for dinner after as I couldn't make it with Mom. I gave him your black long sleeve rib Mt. bowmans shirt and your black pants and black vest it should look pretty nice. You would think they would be dressed in red or green being Christmas.....I have had a fire going every day now for about a week or so maybe longer, it is very comfortable in here and very cold and windy outside..I am truly blessed..thank you for everything. With all the snow and wind Dusty has been working long hours going in early and working late. I haven't heard from Douglas as far as the car goes but, I hope they don't take to long to get it winterized and back to him. I worry that Liz may need the jeep a little this winter her car is getting up there and I am sure she will need a new one shortly. I hope you are watching Tator..I am sure you are....just keep watching down on us and direct us in the directions we should and need to go. I still have no idea what I sure or need to do with my life, I hate being alone but, I don't want to be with anyone else so were or what direction do I go? I actually enjoy just being here at home you are all over this place and I don't like the thought of leaving. I'll most likely just grow old here alone with ten dogs and thirty cats attempting to avoid animal control personal and eviction notices. Well I hope you enjoyed Aiden's program....I love you and miss you Ron,,Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 5th of December 2021..We got a lot of snow at least a foot or more...Shane drove by and saw the driveway hadn't been blowed yet and he plowed it..I tried to give him a $20 but he wouldn't take it. I tried to shove a little but, there was a lot and it was pretty heavy. He was so nice and I was very grateful. I was wondering how I was going to get the garbage down the driveway. They say it's going to get -7 degrees tonight so I have had a nice fire going all day. Liz, Dusty and Braydon came over last night and surprised me with a Christmas tree they even stayed and decorated it. I wasn't going to get one this year it just wasn't a good year honey. I know I have so much to be grateful for and I am I really am but, I just miss you so much that it kind of takes everything else away for awhile anyway. I just never been a lone before and I don't like it much. I am grateful for all our good neighbors they have been so nice and helpful but, I can't count on them forever somehow I have to figure this out. Well honey that's about all for tonight..I pray you are reading these...Love and miss you always...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 4th of December 2021..Happy 39th wedding Anniversary...I wrote you a letter yesterday but, it just wouldn't post...Marge called today to see how I was doing she thought this might be a rough day for me...she was right. I miss you so much and I just hate being alone. I am so grateful for this house and everything I really am I couldn't even imagine where i would be, (which is a pretty scary thought) if we didn't have everything taken care of. I was going to make us a cake but, just couldn't get myself to do it. I pray you are happy,healthy and safe that means everything to me. I guess they are calling for a few inches of snow starting some time after midnight tonight. I am grateful I don't have to go anywhere and I don't need anything you know how much I love driving in the snow.....Marge is having a baby-shower for her daughter Nicole on Sunday, she has been married for three years already hard to believe. Everyone is growing up so fast it feels like babies having babies. I think Moms memory is slowing fading she is 95 but, she still knows when the bills are do, so I am not sure. Liz thinks there is a fox around here and in the yard, He or she left prints over by moms deck so,I am a little nervous about the doggies. I go out with them at night just to keep a closer eye on them. I have such a cold it doesn't even pay to blow my nose it's keep running all day long. I hope you read these letters and listen to my phone calls either way they make me feel better thinking you just might. Well baby I hope you had a great day and I hope your continuing looking down on me..You may want to tell Jesus I could use some direction as to what he wants me to do as I have no idea...Love always Laura...Happy 39th honey"

"Hi Baby, It's the 2nd of December 2021...Sorry this is going to be short tonight I don't feel very well..I could really go for one of your arm tickle/rubs right now. That always make me feel better. I found some strange animal tracks in the yard,Liz and the boys came over to take a look and they think it is a wolf...Now I am worried about the doggies..I pray it doesn't come back. Well Honey thats about all for tonight I just feel like garbage..I love and miss you Laura"

"Hi baby, It's the 1st day of December 2021....We got a little snow last night so I shoveled off the driveway and decks. I had to take mom to her dentist appt. at 12:20 which didn't really go all that well. She gets so nervous and scared..They told me she would have to go to a dentist that could operate on her tooth as she is to old for them to knock her out. She was not happy! So I have to make another appt. they gave me a list of surgeons in wausau. I started the book of LUKE tonight Wendy is doing it as well. I ran to walmart eariler to get a few things and it was 200.00 dollars things are just going up. Actually I do believe I could make it ok with the things I have here we stocked up pretty well the last few years. I just don't know what is happening in this world it all seems so crazy, I guess prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I do have enough for land taxes in out tax account now so when ever I get the paper I can take care of that..I am just going to pay the whole thing at once instead of the two payment system we did before. Now that it's December you never know what type of weather will be coming so, other than my once a month trip to the bank and mole lake I think I am just going to stay put most of the winter. Well baby I hate to say it but, mom ware me out today..I am getting to old for this.....Anyway remember I love and miss you every minute of every day...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 30th day of November..the last day of November December 1st in the morning...The months just keep coming and going and nothing changes. I still have no clue of what my future is going to be I haven't gotten any direction or what way I should go.I spoke with Wendy on the phone for about a hour or so which was nice, I think we are kind of on the same page as far as God in concerned or at least what we believe in. Starting December 1st we are reading the book of Luke which has 24 chapters I believe so by Christmas day we will have read the whole book of Luke which I think is a pretty good idea. I have to learn what God expects from me somehow and as much as I listen nobody really seems to answer the questions that I personally have. They say all the answers are in the bible so I pray they are correct. Believe me if I knew how to speak with you, God and Jesus I would be doing all the time..I mean I do talk to all of you all the time but, I never heard any of you. I am going to keep trying because actually that's all I can do and I want to speak with you or see you so bad so all I can figure out to accomplish that is keep trying. Douglas, Taylor and Lydia came by today to pick up his Thanksgiving dish and some left over pie. Everyone appeared good and Douglas said he did take the car in to get tires, battery and maybe brakes. All the animals are good and mom as her dentist appt. at 12:20 tomarrow afternoon, so I will give her a shower in the morning. Depending on the weather I may take her for a ride to the bank as she has some checks to cash.Ron thank you for everything...I am very comfortable and want for nothing other than you. Wendy even asked me if I needed some money for the holidays and I was proud to tell her I need for nothing as we took care of everything we had control of. Well baby that's about it for tonight...please remember how much you are missed and loved..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 29th of November 2021...I was going to wait and write you a little later but, I can already feel myself falling apart. You have been gone for 5 month's today actually in about 2 hrs and 45 minutes it will be 5 months. I still have a hard time believing your gone. I just can't figure out what I am support to do without you. I wish I had some sense of direction or some idea of where to go from here. I guess it will be what it will be, I can't change anything if I knew now I would, I would do anything to have you back here with me in our home. Anyway today we had our first real snowfall not that much maybe 3 inches or so. I shoveled the driveway and all the decks which actually felt good to get outsize and do some work. I just made a crock pot full of creamy wild rice and turkey soup which was pretty good. I just really want you to know how grateful I am for everything you have done. I wouldn't have all this without you and I can't even begin to explain how much it all means to me. Everything you have done is allowing me to live so comfortably and have all our furry four legged babies which is everything. I really cannot thank you enough. I really hope and pray heaven is everything and more than you ever imagined, you desire it all, I just hope you always watch over me and the kids and you are there to welcome us when it is our time to join you. It's a strange feeling because I feel so grateful for everything you have done for me and with me and yet so sad and afraid because you are not here. I think I maybe coming down with a chest cold which sucks but, it is cold and flu season and I had to make Mom a dentist appt. for Wed. the 1st as her tooth or jaw has been bothering her for a few weeks. ..Well baby please remember and never forget we love and miss you so much....Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 28th of November 2021....Dusty, Liz and Braydon came by this afternoon and we brought in a bunch of wood into the garage. The nights have been cold but, today was actually pretty nice out. I got my feety PJ's on (without feet)they are so warm and cozy. I think you bought them like 3 Christmases ago or so. Douglas called and is going to stop by Monday mid-morning I made him up a Thanksgiving dish to take home. Well only 2 days left in November then it's December already. I guess that means just settling in for a long winter, I just wish you were here I hate being alone and the winter will make that worse. I think maybe a will make one more aldi run to stock up for the winter I really don't need much although both mom and I like the bags of soup at fleet farm so maybe I will just get a bunch of those. Her mouth has been hurting her and soup is easy to eat so that maybe the best bet. Well thats about all the news or info I have...Ripzy did pretty good today which makes me happy. I love you and miss you Love always and forever...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 27th day of November 2021..Just think 36 years ago today we brought our little baby girl into this world. It's hard for me to believe they are both so grown up...The day started out pretty early 7ish am and we made Thanksgiving/Birthday dinner with all our usual dishes. The only thing missing was Douglas and his family and of course you. It was hard but, I made it through I didn't think I would but, I did. I know that may not sound like a big deal but, I think it was a pretty big step. I did however downstairs and cry for a short while after everyone had gone home and spoke with you awhile. I don't think I am going to do this good on December 4th our 39th wedding anniversary. That is a milestone and not to many people make it that far anymore. I know you are not here anymore but, as far as I am concerned we are still married. We never went through a divorce and I do not consider someone's passing a break up as it wasn't up to either one of us. I know we would have never got divorced we may have killed each other but, not a divorce. Just kidding of course although I know we have both slept with one eye open more than a few times. I don't think people would have ever " got our relationship " but, no matter what was going on good and bad we both knew we loved each other. Ripzy had a bad morning she threw up and lost her balance it scared me to death. I can not lose her so close to losing you my heart couldn't take that. Liz said the Birthday gift's we got her fit fine..I always buy PJ"s bigger as I think they are so much more comfortable that way. I was worried about the slipper/boots as it's hard to buy shoes for people but, I guess they fit too. I know I told you to come and have a glass of wine with me tonight but, Ithink I need a rain check. I am so full I don't think I could even fit a glass of wine in me. Maybe Sunday night. Give all our four legged babies up there with you a big hug and kiss for me and wish them a Happy Thanksgiving/ Liz's Birthday. I love you and miss you baby and I can not wait to be with you again..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 26th of November 2021...The 27th is Liz's 36th birthday and Thanksgiving dinner. I haven't had a Thanksgiving dinner without you in 39 years,it's going to be strange and sad. Douglas came and got your jeep yesterday as he wasn't able to get the rogue repaired yet. I think Dusty and the kids took Liz out for a birthday dinner tonight. I made the stuffing tonight and the deviled eggs so there will be less to do in the morning. I don't have my taster here anymore ( you ) so I hope everything is alright...I'll have to make Douglas a Thanksgiving dinner layer meal he always liked those. Don't forget our wine date.....I love and miss you so much, sorry this isn't longer but, maybe I will have more to talk about later..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby7, It's the 25th day of November 2021...Happy Thanksgiving. I am bearing hanging in here Ton..I am trying so hard but,it is really hard. Liz, Dusty and Braydon stopped by and Douglas come later to pick up the jeep to use until his car and the rogue gets ready for winter. We went over so many things that we did for the holidays as the kids got older and it was nice going down memory lane but, I bet they didn't even get to hwy 64 before I started balling. I feel like I am doing ok when people are here but it doesn't last for long. Jo called this morning and I told her I don't feel very grateful for to much and she said well at least your breathing...lol all I could think of is that maybe good for some but all it feels like to me is punishment. I didn't say anything but, that was my thought. She's not alone alot of the things posted on facebbook states the same thing. I don't think anyone really gets it..I wish I could say what I really think..I do not want to wake up ,I do not want be here anymore and waking up each day just feels like more torment. When people lose someone they have their spouse to hold on to..to lean on and find comfort in..But, where do you turn when the person you leaned on is the one your missing? Everything people say I should be grateful for just is nothing but pain and sorrow. Everyone thinks I should be grateful for life , I hate my life I hate waking up everyday I am doing nothing but, exsisting. I really don't see anything good at all. Don't get me wrong I love the kids and Grandkids but, honestly They are great kids with their own life and families and I play little to no part in thier lives all I had was you and I guess God thought that was to much. I have no wish or want to be here anymore this is not a blessing it is a curse. I am not really sure what I did to deserve this but, God doesn't make mistakes so I guess I am being punished for something. Doug and Liz are both strong and will do well in like with or without me here. It's to hard to try and explain how I am feeling because they just try to explain how much you are needed however, That just doesn't make me want to stay or change my mind. I guess it's one of those thing's that if you haven't felt this way there is noway you can understand. People just think's your crazy for feeling this way but, I can honestly say I do not fear death at all and I am ready to go. I don't want to sound needy or depressed because that's not it at all and people take it that way. I know people that have lost their children which is horrible and move on But, they have someone to comfort them to hold them and hold on to some kind of life with but, when you lose the one you have always turned to where do you go and to whom to you go? I don't have anything to offer anyone and there is zero reason to keep getting up, I guess their are people who take joy in waking up every morning and starting a new day but, for me it's just another day of lose, torment and disappointed. I really really feel the kids will be fine and if they really try they can achieve anything they wish it just takes the time to figure out wants verse's needs. My job here is done as far as I am concerned and since God hasn't shown me what I need to accomplish or complete I have no desire to try and figure it out. It's to bad that I can not tell anyone how I really feel without them thinking I am depressed or having a nervous breakdown, they just can not understand that I look forward to death. I wish we as American's we did what other counties do and celebrate death rather than mourn it. If the children were younger I most likely would not feel this way but they are both grown and turned out perfect so our job here should be done. The way I view things appears so yesterday and the younger people really don't seem to truly understand. Either way I am tired and I don't like being alone and I just don't have any more fight in me.If you can ( I do not know the rules in heaven) tell God or Jesus I am ready to come home and join you in our Fathers home. Thank you for listening and understanding Baby..I love and miss you Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 24th of November 2021....Went to walmart today and bought a clock for the bedroom, I never know what time it is....I also got the kids some stocking stuffers. The world is just falling apart now their saying Thanksgiving is bad and we need to get rid of it. We need God back in this country so bad, I don't see how we can move forward without him. They are taking down more statues and stealing from stores ect..it's not going to stay away for ever we will be seeing it up here sooner or later. Nobody is grateful for anything anymore and it's sad to see. What happened to just being grateful for a roof over your head, clothes on your back any enough food so nobody goes to bed hungry? Now toy's are more important them a emergency fund or owning your own home very sad. I think if and when this ever turns around and people have to pay their own way once again there is going to be a lot of angry and misguided people in this world. As much as I miss you I do thank God and you every day for what I have..I know we worked hard for it and did without alot when others were buying what ever they wanted but,I really think in the long run we won the race. I just wish you could have enjoyed it awhile longer I really do. I wish people would just listen to those who have had to make the hard choices and let them know time is going to go by so much faster than they could imagine. It's hard I know I didn't listen very good either it took me awhile to figure it out. I hope and pray God doesn't wit to long to help this country we need him now. Well baby I love and miss you and I am grateful for everything you did to give all this to me..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 23rd of November 2021...Well I managed to drag myself to walmart and It was just packed...I got a few things for Liz'a birthday/Thanksgiving. I did pick up a bottle of the wine you always got..at least I pray I got the right one. Either way I will have a glass with you later that night. I also picked up a few candles seems I can't go to walmart without getting some.Phil the guy I listen to on the computer comes on tonight at 7pm which sucks because that the same time all the shows we watched come on. Mom had a pretty good day they are getting few and far between these days., I am going to call Gasco when the gas gets to 50 percent and hope they can fill it up so the bill isn't so huge, will see how that goes. The way the world is today I think its going to be a lean Christmas for many, which isn't really a bad thing as kids have so much these days. I find it funny that people are willing to work more and have less family time so they can buy more things they don't really need. I wish people could just respect what they have and realize things don't make you happy for long as they always want better or more. Actually sometimes I think what this country needs is a deep depression to wake people up. I know we talked about this several times. Having Thanksgiving without you is going to be so hard but, I am trying to take comfort in knowing you are happy, healthy and safe I have to keep repeating it to remind myself it's not all about me and how I feel. Well Baby I love and miss you every minute of every day please never forget that..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 22nd of November 2021...I am sorry I don't have much to say today, it was a rather bad days..They come and go on their own and I don't have much control over them. I just can't seem to understand much these days and I feel like I am just going through whatever motions of life that I feel I have to. They don't get me many further or closer to a answer or solution, I just get up do my routine and go to bed. I just can not seem to move on and to be honest half of me doesn't even want to. Everything just feels like a huge waste of time yet..that doesn't make sense because all I have is time. I did walk to the mailbox and paid the bill that came..ya..I was pretty cold out all day so I really didn't want to go outside anyway. I just think you would have been better at this..it really should have been visa versa. I just don't see a lesson in this at all, who and what did this help?. He could have healed you and let you remain here but, why not? where is the purpose in it all. Believe me I think about this all day long every day and I am no closer to an understanding than the day you left and believe me I have looked,read, listened and still nothing. Well anyway like I said I really didn't do anything...I just try and take some type of peace knowing you are healthy and happy I pray you are with all our many animals that we cared for over the years. I love and miss you so much..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 21st day of November 2021....I cleaned most of the day and then Dusty stopped by and we talked awhile..Phil the guy I listen to on the computer doesn't feel well and wont be on tonight so I'm just watching tv. Ripzy was such a muffin today running around the house like she was 5 years old. It was nice to see. I blow a fuse thing yesterday and of course it had to be mom's t.v. I flipped some but,no the right one so Liz got it..Then today I went to use the dryer and no go..I am guessing one of the things I flipped was the dryer. Dusty said this afternoon that he would stop by on Monday or Tuesday so I will have him look at it. I just hung all the stuff on hangers it's not like I have never gone without a dryer before. Dusty and I just talked about times passed and it was kind of nice remembering all kinds of different struggles and good times throughout our life. More crazy things going on in this crazy world..Waukesha was having their Christmas parade and some crazy people were shooting and running a car right through the parade...just unbelievable! I am still waiting for Trumps return...before everything goes so wrong we can't turn it around any more.I guess this is what the world is without God in it. So very sad...things were so much easier before. At least I know you are safe, healthy and happy which is all I can ask for. I love you and miss you..Laura "

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 20th of November 2021. Liz took me to Mole lake, fleet farm and a few other places today...I guess we are having Thanksgiving here on the 27th Liz's birthday. I was kind of hoping the holidays would just pass by this year there not going to be the same...T hen I thought what if this is Mom's last Thanksgiving and I can do that....I feel so torn in half. It's strange I feel like I can hold it together during the day not every day but, most days but as soon as night comes which is sooner now with the time change I just fall apart every night. I knew losing you would be hard but, this is much much worse than I thought. I hate being here all night by myself ( mom doesn't count) actually the days are getting pretty long too as I don't have much to do outside and it's pretty cold. One can only clean so much and the chores I know I should really do I just can't seem to start. I am not used to being alone, we have been together almost 40 years and I went from Dad and Mom's house to being with you. I never had my own apartment or even had a place with any of my girl friends, this is just all so new and unwanted. I would give anything to turn time back actually all I really wanted was for God to heal you here. When you think about things it is a wonder why we as humans even get married or have kids when at any minute everything can go away. Why do we put ourselves out there to experience lost and pain? Look at all the parents who have children with cancer and other horrible things not to mention all the ones lost in accidents or kidnappings ect.. One has to wonder why even knowing everything that could happen we do all these things anyway. The things one thinks about when they are left alone with their own thoughts is quite scary. Douglas can't join us for Thanksgiving which is hard but, he has two dinners to go too so I think he will have his fill of turkey. I haven't heard if he took the car in for tires yet, I guess he has been working alot of hours. I hope he gets that done before the snow starts. Well I guess that's really all I have Baby, I still hope and pray you read these..Love you always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 19th day of November 2021....I didn't do much today either it's becoming a every day thing. Mom fall this morning right infront of her chair but, she is fine she didn't hurt herself, actually the back pain she was having actually went away maybe she fixed something...Liz is coming over tomarrow and we are going to mole lake and fleet farm I like to buy ahead on doggie and kitty food. She also brought up Thanksgiving which I was hoping would just pass by this year. I really don't feel very grateful and I really don't want to celebrate without you. I feel really toren and wish I could just run away for awhile I don't know where but, I feel bad. Thanksgiving dinner is a lot of hard work and it takes time and effort which right now I feel would be wasted on me. Life just sucks and I wish if something was going to happen it would just do it already. I am proud that both our children have grown up to be the people they are, they are both doing well and I want nothing more for them to enjoy thier families and all their accomplishments during the holidays, that's a great and wonderful gift. This is going to be a rough and rocky couple of months..I guess they say the first of everything without you is the hardest. I think December 4th is going to be the worst of them all..I'll tell you what when I get up there I am going to ask God why he makes us go through this because right now I think it is just so uncalled for. All the times you joked about what we would do if one of us died I wish just once we would have had a real serious talk. I guess I have a lot of I wished things on my list. Well I pray you are doing well and your feeling great not having any more heart issues. I love and miss you more and more every day..Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 18th day of November 2021....Well it was yet another dull boring day I did putz's around here and there and put the push mower in the garage ;I was thinking maybe I would mow the fenced in area once more but, it is really getting cold out there. Last night it was so windy the tree infront of the house closest to my bedroom window was scarping on the gutters and making a scary nail on the chalk board kind of noise. Today was pretty windy as well and cold really cold. Mom has been dealing with her back lately and sleeping on her heating pad which Diamond just loves, She snuggles up to mom and they share the heating pad....I think mom loves it. All the doggie kids are doing well, Ripzy has a hard time seeing and I have been hand feeding her breakfast and dinner, if I just put the plate down she won't touch it but when I feed her with a spoon she eats it right up. I don't know what I would be like right now if I didn't have these ladies dto take care of they give me more comfort than I can even put into words. I mean we have always loved our furry kids but, since we went to live with Jesus they have really became so much more important to me. It's kind of strange ever since you left I don't know what to do with myself. I never really thought about how much I did for you...Don't get me wrong I loved it and that was my role..cooking, cleaning, laundry, ect..and I enjoyed doing all those things I always wanted the house nice for you, I wanted dinner on the table at 5pm for you ect..and now I have zero passion to do any of it. I still do it but once again I just want it all so you are proud of it and so you know that I am so grateful to have this house this yard and live here I love it all and always have. You worked so hard and came so far I want you to be proud of this place and I promise I will keep it up and keep it nice until my last breath. I am sure I will have days where things may not get done but, I promise I will always make it up. I don't know where I would be without this house it means everything to me you are everywhere I look. If I would have had to move I would have most likely ended up in some rental property and unable to have my doggies and Diamond which would have just ended me..I can not tell you how grateful I am I say it to myself several times a day and that's all because of you. I think with all our up's and down's we found God and when God, Jesus, you and I all worked together we accomplished all our dreams. I am grateful to all of you and will never ever forget it. I love and miss you so much..Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 17th day of November 2021....I didn't do much today either, However I studied some but, the more I try to understand the more lost I feel. God sure made things hard to understand at least for me. I listened to some of my programs over and over but,none of them really hit on what my questions are, some came close but no cigar. I just can't seem to let this go...I just feel like I want to learn everything I can but, I am not getting very far. That Pastor that came over was very nice but, he really didn't answer any of my questions which I am sure he wished he had the answers too as he lost his own son. I am hoping Liz will drive to mole lake this weekend sometime and maybe fleetfarm for a bag of bog food I have a 50lb bag but, I like to keep one ahead. I don't know why I can't seem to drive myself but, I just can't seem to do that yet. The thought of leaving the house kind of frightens me; I have no idea why. I just can not seem to pull myself out of this pit. I sure hope things are better for you, actually I know they are and I do take comfort in that. I just hope you can hear me talking to you and your reading all these letters. I miss and Love you so much..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby,..I just realised that for the last 2 week I was writing October when it is November....Wow my mind is gone. Anyway it is the 16th of November 2021....Did a little cleaning today and that was about it. Listened to rapid fire 6 and now watching my nightly tv shows. Liz called tonight she didn't have any luck hunting with the snowfall. Now she is going to wait until after gun season to try again. She said she had all her tags filled by this time last year. Everyone is going ok here I guess. Today is Johns Birthday I will have to go on facebook and write him. I wish I had some good or new things to tell you but, I don't. I love and miss you so much...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It is the 15th day of October 2021. I ran into Walmart today for a few things I got a pair of PJ's and found out later I must have got the only pair that had a hole in them..just my luck. Other than that I didn't really do anything. I waited all day for one of my shows I like to watch on the computer to start at 6pm, the show started almost a hour late then my computer didn't do anything but duffer the whole time...what a crap day..I can watch the show in the morning on rumble but, it's not live.The show is rapid fire #6 which just blow my mind if any or all of it is true. I would say it would blow your mind but,now you are with God and may know all the wonders of this world. From what this guy in saying everything I have ever learned throughout my life has been a big fat lie. Either way it is interesting to think about. I haven't heard from anyone in awhile they are so busy with work, hunting and just family life. I wish you could listen to rapid fire with me I would be interested in your point of view. Well Baby other than that nothing has changed I still miss you every second of every day.I did listen to Sid Roth today that was pretty good I think I will listen to it again it kind of gave me some hope. Well Baby I love and miss you xxoo Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 14th of October 2021, I don't understand how the month's are passing by so quickly but, each day seem's to lag on forever. Well when I woke up this morning everything was white I think we got about three inches give or take. The tree's were all covered and it did look very nice out. I shoveled the deck top one and bottom one and the front porch the sun melted everything else. I always have to shovel the decks and the ramp for Ripzy I am always afraid she will slip and really hurt herself, plus she doesn't like walking in the snow it always sticks on the fur between her toes. I haven't heard from Liz so I don't know if she got lucky hunting with the new snow fall. I think it's going to be a long long winter. I am so grateful for everything we have the house is nice and warm and you did should a good job putting in the windows down stairs it is very comfortable no breeze at all. I have everything I could have ever dreamed of except you the most important thing of all. They say it's going to be a half and half winter cold and alot of snow...I am grateful I don't really need to go anywhere. All as I can do is be grateful you are now healthy and I know that is a huge deal, I guess I will never understand why God didn't heal you here and let you come back home by me at least not until I leave this earth myself. If he has a plan for my life I do wish he would share it with me I have no idea what it is or what to do. I do know I just don't want to leave this house. Well baby I hope you are getting these letter's..I love and miss you always...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 13th day of October 2021. Well once again really didn't do much but, clean a little and pay some bills. Mom's back in kicking in again I hope and pray it doesn't get as bad as last time. I feel like I am trying so hard to move on but, truthfully I am barely holding on here. ( emotioinally that is) I am truly doing fine in every other aspect. I am so grateful for everything we accomplished together as I am in need of nothing with the exception of you.The poor Doggies want to go ran so bad, Rena just whines and whines everyday at approx. 3:00 pm which is the time I usually took them..They are smart cookies. It's getting pretty cold out at night now, and I guess snow will be coming. I am going to have to wait and see how everything goes. I keep telling myself not to worry about things that have not happened yet or that I can not change but, easier said than done. I keep praying and wishing I would here from you but, so far I haven't heard anything. In a few weeks we will be married 39 years and together almost 40..wow that's something..Well baby please always remember and never forget I love and miss you...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 12th day of October 2021...Took Mom to the DR. today Sharon come along to help. She missed the hat thing again but, the 4th time did it...thank God. Liz went hunting this morning and again this evening but,no luck. Dusty and Liz came over in the late morning about took a bunch of junk that was under the deck to the junk yard so it cleaned up the back yard which was nice. I guess they are calling for 1 to 3 inches of snow tonight or in the morning. I just hate the thought of going through a long winter without you here..The thought of plowing scares me but, that's not it , Winter is long anyway and being a lone will make it appear twice as long. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you or talk to you or miss you, actually every days its all three. Dusty made chilli the other day and brought some over this morning so we had it for dinner it is really good and it was nice I didn't have to make anything. I just don't enjoy cooking anymore, I liked to cook for you now it just doesn't seem to matter. I pray Mom's blood work and urine test all come back ok..I don't need anymore problems this month. Well baby as usual nothing exciting to write about just know I love and miss you always...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 11th of October 2021,...Wow I could really go for a talk with you tonight. I don't think Mom is doing very well. I need one of your talks they always made me feel better. It seems like all the bad things are happen to close together, I haven't dealt with your leaving and now Mom is not doing good. I always believed God never gives you more than you can handle but, I really have to say he is pushing the envelope. I so wish we were here, It seems like nothing but bad has happened since you left. Douglas and Lydia stopped by today it was so nice to see them, it has been awhile. His car needs to go into the shop a semi hit a deer and he ended up running it over. The Rogue needs some work tires, battery stuff and I gave him our C>C and said that can be his Christmas gift. I wish you could just come back I don't like this life at all. Dusty said he was coming over in the morning sometime and is going to work in the garage Liz is going hunting and the boys have school. I have to take Mom back to the DR. at 2:30 for a urine test Sharon's going to come and help me. Well that's about it I love and miss you so much...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 10th of October 2021....Well I didn't do much again today cleaned a little and put Ripzy's pool away which she did not like. It's going to rain and then snow starting tonight so I didn't want it to get wrecked. I just hate the thought of winter coming, I usually enjoyed the change of the seasons but, now I just find things to worry about without you here. I don't know how things are going to go...I haven't dealt with so many things, the things you always took care of and it scares me to death. When it comes right down to it I don't really have a choice I have to learn I guess, although I am not looking forward to it. I am going to pay the land taxes all in one payment I think it will be easier for me. I never thought this is what I would be doing a 58 years old never....who ever said lifes a bitch wasn't kidding. I miss you so much I wish you were here to talk about things this one way conversation isn't cutting it. I do hope you hear me and I hope you read these letters. I love and miss you so much..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 8th of October 2021, I think Mom and her DR. appointment wiped me right out as I slept half the afternoon so I didn't do anything today. I am just listening to one of my computer programs and then I will watch some tv before bed. All the days here are pretty much the same nothing changes. I still miss you like crazy and I really do not feel like going anywhere. I hope you are having more fun than me, It has to feel good just being healthy. I got and paid another medical bill for ya today so thats taken care of no worries, Well baby thats about it sorry I didn't have anything exciting to speak with you about, I love and miss you.... Laura"

"Hi Baby, It is the 8th day of october 2021, I am totally wiped out so I am going to make this short, sweet and honest..I can not do this without you any more I can not..Take that for what it is worth, I was there for you and I need you now..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It is the 7th day of October 2021, I didn't do much today all I did was carry in the decorations from the front yard and place them in Liz's old room, I don't want them to get full of snow. Its Sunday so I didn't even get my daily walk to the mailbox's in. After I finished writing you last night Braydon called and said he got a turkey..He seemed pretty proud! I wish you could be here to watch them grow up and become young men. Mom's dr. appointment is tomarrow I hope all goes well, you just never know, I hope you are doing well, better than well I know you are healthy and thats wonderful I just wish you could have been healthy here on earth so you could have stayed here with us. I love and miss you so much not a minute goes by I am not thinking of you not one minute.All my Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby, It's the 6st of October 2021,..Well I didn't do much today I did clean and rearrange the bedroom. I found a new BB gun under the bed still in the box. I asked liz about it and sure enough it was her's. I never new it was even there. Tonight we have to turn the clocks back a hour which I already did or I am sure I wouldn't have remembered. Sharon stopped by today and dropped off some garbage that she couldn't burn and visited for awhile. Tator called today and said he got a six pointer at about 7:30 this morning, he was pretty excited and now he has one to put on the wall along with his fish. I somewhat tried to go through your clothes today but, I just couldn't get myself to do it. I don't know when or if I will be ready for that. I still haven't heard from Douglas I think I will drop him a line tonight just to check in. Mom's back felt a little better today but, the pain is still there, I hope she can get into the car as she has a DR. appointment Monday at 12:45. The world just seems to get crazier another shooting at a concert and some teenage kids were killed. I don't leave this yard if I don't have to, I do feel safe here I will never regret living here I really like it and I like this house and area, I think we did good with this. Although I do wish you were here (healthy,) I wouldn't have wanted you to have to suffer with everything you were going through, I do miss you so much. It's pretty lonely at night I would really be lost without our furry members of the family. Jackie says she really misses Cooper I couldn't even imagine that has to be so hard and heart breaking. She's having some medical issues and she misses living in Iron River, she doesn't miss Bobbie at all, I guess he is causing you trouble for the neighbors. Well Baby I guess thats all the new stuff I know..I love and miss you every minute of every day..Love Laura Oh ps. I did get a nice card from Wendy today that was nice. love you!!!! XOXO"

"Hi Baby, It is the 5th of October 2021, Sorry I didn't write last night, Jackie come over and spent the night and Liz came over so we didn't get to bed until after midnight. Mom hasn't been feeling well the last few days, her back kicked in again, although not as bad as it has gotten before thank God. Liz hasn't had to much luck with hunting this year so far but, it has been so windy out the last few days today was really windy. I guess everything went ok with Jackies visit, we don't agree on Trump and Biden thats for sure but, it is what it is. I feel so wore out tonight and I haven't done a thing, Made a meatloaf for dinner thats about it. All the doggies are doing fine and diamond is getting very fuzzy in her old age. I miss you so much and like I have said a hundred times it gets worse as the holidays are approaching. I have a strong feeling it is going to be a very very long dark winter. We have to turn the clocks back a hour Saturday night I hope I remember!!! Wendy and I are going to read the book of Luke starting Dec. 1st through the 23rd which I think will be interesting and something different. I just don't know how I am going to get through all these without you we haven't spend a holiday apart in 39 years, actually 40 years and I really don't want to start. I am trying not to regret things that occurred in the past that I wish were different that I know I can not change and not to worry about things that haven't happened yet, I have to focus on today I guess thats what everyone tells me. I will say it is easier said than done. Its hard not to worry or think about upcoming events when I know darn well they are coming. I just wish things would go back to normal I don't like the future..I miss you so much Ron. Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 3rd of October 2021...Didn't do much again today I just seem to have lost all energy and well to get things done. I just didn't have a good day in fact I can't remember the last time I actually had a good day. I don't mean to be a downer but, this is so hard. I sometimes wish things were the opposite you would have been better at this than me. I just can not see anything getting brighter or better I just don't see how that would even be possible. Nicole said the pain would eventually get less sharp I should have asked her how long that would take. Although I guess I doesn't matter anyway as they say everyone is different. I can tell you I wouldn't wish this on anyone I never really thought about how hard it would be. I wounder if God really knows how hard it is and if he does why would he put us through it. I have why more questions than answers to so many questions. I pray you are so happy and spending time with your Dad and Mom, I know it was hard losing your dad when you were so young, It just doesn't really seem like anything in life is fair. Well Baby I hope with everything I am that you can hear me and you can read these letters. I love and miss you so much..love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 2nd of October 2021, I am so sorry I haven't written you the internet went down for a day and a half I am so sorry. I really didn't have much to tell ya anyway I haven't gone or done anything. I didn't get to listen to my computer shows which kind of messed up my morning routine. I did listen to Robin tonight and I guess I was wrong and really wrong for blaming God for taking you away from me. There is so much I have to learn it just feels so overwhelming and I don't have the mind power to understand it all but, I do want to learn. I asked Liz tonight if she could take me to the book store soon to get a bible ( like the one you got me that I can not find anywhere) so I can learn. Liz was out hunting but, I guess nobody got anything in the last few days. It was awful cold and windy today so the deer were most likely staying warm. I miss you so much Ron and there are so many things I am listening to that I really would love to have a conversation with you about. I hate going through this alone I just hate it. I wish I had some sort of idea what God has in store for me because I just cannot figure out what I am still doing here. I know mom needs me I know that but, it seems so little in the scope of things. I can not imagine live after she passes and joins you and Dad in heaven, It feels awful now I am sure it will only get worse. I love this house I really do but, now it seems so big and empty and without mom it will be more empty. I still haven't heard anything from Douglas which makes me sad. I know they both have their lives to live and I am very proud we raised them to be so independent but, it is so lonely without them since you left. I am starting to think God forgot about me as well. It's not that I have ever done anything so wonderful with my life that he would remember me. I think I have messed up more than anything. I have prayed and prayed for forgiveness but, I haven't been blessed with a answer. It just scares me that mom is getting up there in age as well as Ripzy and I just don't know how much loss I can actually take. It;s not that I don't know we don't live forever I do It's just that I truly believe you left way way to soon yet I know people have left much younger but, I just can not seem to find comfort in that. I am grateful for so many things I am you set me up so wonderfully and I thank you from the bottom of my heart yet I feel so a lone at the same time. I know I have said that over and over but, it is how I feel. I pray and pray you read these letters and I pray you hear me talking to you throughout the day. Well Baby thats about it for now..I love and miss you so much..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 30th of October 2021....Liz brought over some plant covers they kind of look like little tents. I covered the Rose plant you got from Jeannie and Dolly and I covered the plant Tanya brought for you I don't remember the name of that plant but it is pretty. I moved some wood chips into the new thing I made around the septic tank pipes boy, that was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Mom went to bed early again tonight I guess 6 or 6:30 is her new bed time. I still hate the nights I don't care to much for the long days but, the nights are just about unbearable. I just don't see the point of all this why I am here? If God is waiting for me to do something I don't know what to do I don't know what he wants. I pray this will not go on much longer this is hell on earth. Liz and her family all went hunting this afternoon they have a lot of tags yet to fill. Liz said both Tator and Braydon shot at a turkey but, they both missed..I would think Turkeys would be a pretty hard target. Tator did get one a week or so ago. Tomarrow is trick or treat I got a bunch of candy most likely more than I will need but, there does seem to be more kids in the neighborhood so I guess I would rather have to much then not enough. You always loved handing out the candy and you were disappointed when only 4 or 5 kids showed up. As all these holidays are getting closer and closer the sadder I get I can not even imagine celebrating any of them without you. I know December 4th is going to be a really rough one, I actually get a sickening feeling just thinking about it.I remember talking about what we should do for our 40th. We would have most likely got a pizza and watched a movie, which sounds so great right now. I so wished God would have helped you I was scared a lot in the last year or so and if I was scared I can't imagine what you were dealing with. I know I have said it over and over but, I really hope you forgive my stupidity. Well Baby I love and miss you tons and all the puppies and diamond sends their love..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 29th of October 2021...You have been gone from me for 4 months, I was going to wait to write this until 9:30 the time you went to heaven but, I can feel myself falling apart fast tonight and I wanted to make sure I wrote to you. I miss you so much and I can't believe it has been 4 month's already it just feel like yesterday I don't know why that never changes. I don't know where to go from here, I don't know what direction to go. You were my whole world for 38 years how does one move on from that? I feel way to old for somethings and way to young for other things it's not a good place to be. I feel so blessed for something and totally ripped off on other things. I have noticed that so many things that used to make me happy or that brought a smile to my face appear to have little to no meaning anymore. Just leaving the house and knowing you will not be here when I get home makes me not want to leave in the first place. Kelly texted me and wants to get together but, I just don't think I can do that yet.I have turned down alot of invitations from my friends to get together, Julie even offered to come and pick me up and just go out for a cup of coffee but, I just can't. I know they are all trying so hard and I love them all..If one thing is true I do have good good friends. It's strange because actual leaving the house doesn't really make me feel that bad it is the return trip that just kills me. I am trying to keep it together infront of people but, sometimes it just happens and I can not stop it. Sometimes I can change the subject to try to avoid it but not always. It just seems like the world is getting crazy and a lot of what John Paul Jackson said has happened and to go through it without you is hard. Sometimes I just want to talk to you about everything and get your thought, this one way conversation isn't working. I just wish I knew what I should be doing and I wish I knew for sure that you can hear me talking to you or I knew you were getting these letters. I never really thought that much about faith however, it is a lot more difficult to have and hold on to (at times) then I ever imagined. I haven't heard from Douglas in awhile I do wish he would call more. I know he is busy and I have no right to ask anyone for anything and I really try not to get in the kids way or disturb thier lives but, I would like Douglas to call like once a week or so. That might be selfish I just worry about everything and even if they is nothing to worry about I will find one. ( some of that might be just being a mom) I know they are grown but, to me they are still my babies. Liz keeps in touch which is very nice I really don't know how I would have gotten everything that needed to be done without her. Sometimes I feel bad that a lean on her more than I should, I would never want her to think I am taking advantage of her. We may have gone through a lot of rough times but, we make it through and we raised two smart,loving. respectful children that have made their way through life pretty nice. Well baby I just can not stop saying this but. I love and miss you so much...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 28th of October 2021, I cleaned most of the day nothing exciting and It was raining this morning so I didn't do any wood. I really don't have much to say today I feel rather defeated I guess. I can't really explain it but, I am guessing you already know what I think and how I feel. I got a picture from Kelly today it was a picture of her and Douglas I am guessing they ran into one another at a bar in Tomahawk somewhere. I really wish you were here with me, I hate this so much I wish if God had some kind of plan for my life he would give me some kind of hint. Well maybe I will feel better tomarrow but, for right now I just feel awful and can not find any good words to say. I love and miss you Ron and I do not want to dfo this life without you..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 27th of October 2021....I did wood today and then filled the trailer back up, not all the way but, I hope it will finish the under the deck stuff...Other than that didn't do much, it takes awhile doing the wood alone but, I bring by computer out there and listen to some of my programs which does pass the time. I listen to that Kat Kerr again today I just don't like some of the things she says about heaven.I guess I have always had a image of what paradice would look like for me and the things that would make me happy and although most of the things she says happen in heaven do sound wonderful but, not everything does. I do wonder how God can make paradice one way and please everyone. Some of the things she pointed out sound pretty awful to me. It's so hard to determine who you can believe and who is just pulling your leg. I guess that goes for everything down here I guess that's where faith comes in to play. I have always been a believer and I speak with Father God and Jesus several times a day, you as well! It's hard when you only have a one way conversation. I write down questions in their message boards but, they really don't answer the question, so I can do nothing but wonder, or try and find out for myself. Well Baby, I love and miss you more and more each day and I pray you are happy, HEALTHY and safe..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It is the 26th of October 2021...Another day that I really didn't do much..Sharon came for a visit which was nice because I was feeling a bad day coming on. I ended up making a bunch of hamburgers, brats and some hotdogs on the grill so I guess dinner is made for a week. I should do wood in the afternoon we will see how nice the weather gets I heard its going to rain on Thursday so I would like to get it done before that. Mom went to bed early again tonight, I think she gets sore from sitting all day long, and it is getting pretty dark early these days. The days seem so long for me and yes I still find myself looking over the railing to see if your on the couch, I don't know when I'll stop doing that. The news is nothing but, bad news all day long..I wish this world would just blows up and be done, Or at least the raptue to happen and with any luck I will be one. Every day is the same nothing changes and nothing gets better. All the topics I use to be really interested in I don't seem to care about much any more but, there is nothing else to do or listen to. Well all I seem to do is complain but, I really don't see to much of a light at the end of any tunnel sorry. Please remember and never ever forget I love and miss you..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 25th of October 2021...This months seems to be going so fast in a few days you will be gone 4 months, yet it feels like yesterday to me. I have been keeping busy with the wood but, the night are still really hard. I really don't feel like I am getting better with you being gone at all. I feel so torn because I want you here with me but, I know you are in a good place and healthy and you deserve to be healthy. I don't know how to get past this I really don't. Oh Ron I have so much to be grateful for because of you, I just didn't want it alone I wanted it for us to enjoy together. I wish I understood why God choose not to heal you or I wish I understood why some get healed and others don't. I wonder all the time if my faith was not strong enough or if I should have done something different if that would have made a difference. I love and miss you so much and I pray you are watching over all of us...I also pray that you have saved a place for me along side of you. Love always Laura"

"Sorry i must have hit a wrong key..anyway continued....I can not figure out what I am here for and I told God several times I do not know. I just pray and pray you are happy, healthy and safe because if you are not then what is the meaning oi\f anything. I hope with all my heart and being you are reading these messages I wish I knew for sure...I love and miss you so much I wish and pray you will speak to me soon Love always Laurs"

"Hi Baby, It's the 24th of October 2021. I worked outside most of the day which did feel pretty good it wasn't to cold or hot so it was nice. Mom still hurts a little from her tumble the other day but, there isn't any injury that I can see. I listen to some of my programs and then put mom to bed at 6:45ish. I did remember to put out the garbage and cover the important plants. I sure miss you I miss all our talks, and boy I have a lot of questions I could ask you now. I really don't know what I am doing here anymore, I feel like I am just going through the motions of the day. I am trying to keep everything up the house the yard ect.. so you don't feel like I don't care about it..I assure you I am so proud of this house and all the work you put in it I can not even express how proud I am. I just never ever thought about being here in this house without you never, and I am not sure how to do it. I don't know why God left me here I don't know what he wants me do "

"Hi Baby, It's the 23rd of October, 2021...Well where to start...I wasn't doing much watching my programs and what not but, then the sun came out so I thought I better cut the grass. So I started cutting the grass for awhile then I thought I better check on Mom plus it was getting alittle chilli out. Well Mom went to the bathroom and lost her balance and fell onto the toilet I think she hurt her back and hips. I got her heating pad out and check her over to the best of my ability ( which isn't much ) after awhile I went back out to finish the grass but, the temp. really dropped it was freezing but, I did finish. i checked on Mom and she said her back hurt but not to bad so thank God for that. I gave her dinner and her pills hoping they would help relax her. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything, I just can not do this alone I just can not. I don't know what God is thinking I truly don't he must think I am so much more than I am. I am afraid to go outside where I can't see mom and I feel bad not getting the things that need to be done , done! Either way I lose! I don't want you to think I am not keeping up your house or your yard I swear to you I am trying. Mom is so unsteady on her feet she wobbles back and forth and she scares me to death sometimes. Don't get me wrong I do not regret anything she needs help and I would do anything for her, I just feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. I do not want you to think I am not getting things done because I don't want to believe me I know how hard you worked to get this place and I would never want anything to happen to it never. I am hoping Sunday will be better and maybe I will get some wood stacked. Please don't be upset but, like you always told me I am not 30 any more and believe me I feel it. Well bottom line is tomarrow is another day and I can only hope and pray it will be better..I love and miss you so much, I just hate doing this alone yet I know I have no other choice which is sad in it self. Love always Laura.."

"Hi Baby It is the 22nd of Oct, 2021..This is the second time writing this for some reason it wouldn't post for me..Anyway sorry about yesterday it was just a very long bad day for me..Liz and Dusty came over this morning and we all planted 20 some flowers by the gas tank and 5 Oak tree;s and we found a maple tree ( I think ) growing in the ditch on the side of the driveway so will dug it up and replanted it in the yard. I hope they all grow, the flowers should all come up in the spring which should look really pretty. I have enough projects to keep me busy awhile if the weather holds out. I should stack some wood in the afternoon and maybe cut grass I was thinking maybe I would leave it till next year but, maybe I will cut it once more. I sure wish I could have a conversation with you about things, I think I am prepared for whatever " if you remember all our talks about getting ready " but, I should could use a second opinion or thought. I would love to get your ideas and I would love to know if you think I am missing anything. I just hate and I mean hate doing this by myself..I am so grateful for everything I have thanks to you however, I never wanted it for myself I wanted all of it for us. Everyday I try to remember to tell all the doggies and Kitty that you send them all your love from heaven. They all miss you so much we all do, I will never understand why God tore us apart never, at least not while I am on this earth. I just have to remember that God does not make mistakes and God is absolutely good. I never thought I would struggle with that concept but, I never lost a husband before and I guess that make you struggle a little harder. Well baby I better go please remember all of us and watch over us..I love and miss you every minute of every day..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 22nd of October 2021..Sorry about yesterday it was just a bad long day...Liz and Dusty came over today and we planted a bunch of flowers my the gas tank thing I made it should look nice in the spring. We also planted 5 oak trees and replanted one tree that for some reason was growing in the ditch? I don't know why or how it got there. I pray they all grow it will look nice if they do. I do need to go over to Liz's and get like 20 more pine trees for the boarder. I think if it doesn't rain I will attempt to stack some wood in the afternoon, I don't know if I will bother to cut the grass any more this year or maybe just one more time. I sure wish I could have a conversation with you I could use some advice or at least another opinion on a few things. I haven't heard from Douglas in awhile I hope all is good with their new house and getting settled in. Ripzy to a spill down the stairs this afternoon but, she appears to be ok I did give her a asprin just incase, I wouldn't want her to be in any pain if I can help it. I am trying to get ready for " well you remember all our conversations" and I think I should have enough but, I wish I could ask you your thoughts and opinions on it. I really just don't know what else I could do... I miss you more and more every day and the only thing I can think of to make myself feel better is that God has held you and your no longer cold, tired and taking so many pills. I wish he would have held you here instead of there, I mean I want you to go to heaven just not this early in your life, We had alot yet to do and we worked so hard to get to this point. I tell the doggies and kitty you send your love to them every day and we all miss you.. Love you always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 21st of October 2021, I didn't do much but clean today..I am having a pretty bad day missing you a lot. I just want you to come back period!! I think I am going to write to you in the morning as like I said it's not a good night. I love and miss you so much..Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's the 20th of October 2021,..It was a rainy gloomy day so I didn't do to much. I was going to run to the bank and cut the grass but, neither one of those things happened. I listened to some programs and finished with Robin Bullock now I am just sitting downstairs..Mom went to bed early tonight I guess she had some visitors last night. ( if you remember mom's visitors) I wish you were here, I don't think I can keep going alone much longer, I am not as strong as I once was. I really thought the nights would slowly get better but, they are not. I know everyone keeps saying everyone heals at their own timeline. However I really don't feel better at all and as the weather is getting colder the more afraid I am getting. I can't really explain it but, it is what it is. I worry about everything possible going wrong or breaking or God knows what. I hate the thought of all the important dates arriving our 39th Wedding anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years....I simply just don't understand any of this. I do know I miss you and Love you and I wished I did a million things different, I wish I wasn't so stupid on and on...I can only hope and pray you forgive me for not understanding what you were going through..I love and miss you every minute of every day..Laura"

"Hi baby, It's the 19th of October 2021,..I didn't really do much today..I ran to walmart and took the dogs over to Liz's but that's about all. I did watch some more of the programs I told you about yesterday. I still just don't know what to believe, everything seems so crazy. I wish you were here so we could talk about it like we used to although this is different than are usual conversations I still would love to hear your take on it all. Maybe I will run to Antigo in the morning if mom feels like going for a little ride..I have a medical check to cash I must have over paid or something either way a check is a check. I really would like to talk with you..I talk to you all the time but it would be much better if it was a two way conversation. Still waiting for RED OCTOBER !!! either way I do not think I can get any more ready for what ever is to come... Well Baby I love and miss you tons..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 18th of October 18th 2021...Oh Baby I don't even know how to explain what I learned today..Remember you and I would sit downstairs and say we didn't think anythings the dems could do that would blow our minds? Well my mind is completely blown away....I don't know for sure as I am not yet in heaven but,I am assuming you now know all the wonders of the world and I bet your mind was blown also. If even half of what this guy was saying is true my mind would still be blown.. I am going to watch it all over again in the morning but,this time I am going to take a lot of notes. I did get some work done I made a boarder thing around those pipes I was telling you about. The next 2 and a half months should be very interesting, scary and exciting all at the same time. We have waited what seems like forever so I pray this timeline is correct. I so wish you were here with me so we could have one of our discussions about all of it. Well babe you know everything there is to know but, for us down here it will be like the 4th of July. I love and Miss you so much and I wish we could have a back and forth conversion..I pray and Pray you are happy,healthy and safe...I love you so much...Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 17th of October, 2021...I attempted to keep myself a little busy today, I did some wood and cleaned the house, I also gave Mom a shower. Liz and Dusty stopped by and Dusty mored some logs for me so I can do some more landscaping around the septic tubes. I have a hard time mowing around them all the time. That lawnmower and me seems to be at odds sometimes although I think I am getting better. I miss you so much Ron, I wish you could just come back here and be with me and the family. I think I will start that landscaping in the afternoon if its going to be nice out and maybe cut the grass will see how things go. I think the back deck is dropping again I wish I knew what you did to fix that..I told dusty and I guess he can find out what we need to do. I miss not being able to just come in and ask you questions there's so much I no nothing about. I miss and love you so much..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 16th of October 2021...I didn't do much again today I just don't seem to have any get up and go what so ever..I manage to stack same wood that was under the deck but, that was about all. Sharon and John came over today and brought some eggs and some apple cake for Mom so that was nice. John went over to Liz's because Tator got a turkey and they were not sure how to clean it I guess. I miss you like crazy and that doesn't seem to be getting any better. I also paid a bill that came in the mail, took the car to kwik trip and filled it up. I sure wish you would talk to me, I know it's most likely my fault for not being intoned enough but, I don't know how to change that. I listen to my programs and do what they say but, still nothing has changed. I am guessing I am missing something. I do like to call your phone and her your voice...Well baby I love you and miss you so much....Love always Laura"

"Hi baby, It's the 15th of Oct,2021...I didn't do anything today, Dusty came over and put some pipe tape on a fixing for the bathroom sink upstairs as it was leaking a little. I made some bean soup but,it didn't get done in time for dinner so i ended up making pancakes with potatoes and sausage. I listened to a lot of my programs but,nothing really new to talk about. I didn't even get out of my pj's today. I didn't have a really bad day but, it was a good day either. I just don't think I have what it takes to go on without you I really don't. I can't figure out why I am still here and I don't know what I should be or expected to do. If God has a plan I said it a hundred times he has to tell me I can not figure it out, I just can't. I honestly wish this October thing would just happen and I could come up there with you. I have no desire to stay here, just wake up clean,cook watch tv and then back to bed thats all I do and I do not wish to go anywhere. Sometimes I think this is just a cruel joke...Well baby I hope and pray you are happy, healthy and safe and I pray God will let us be together real soon..Love alwaysLaura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 14th of Oct 2021....Took the doggies over toliz's today and we took a walk in the woods. Rena and Zara went into the little creek that runs through her woods and got all muddy..Then Ripzy thought she would try and she got stuck in the mud. I had to pull her out and she was a mess. We sprayed them all down with the hose but, ripzy was still pretty bad. I brought her home and we went right in the shower, I tried to stay dry but that lasted about a minute then I just sat down with all my clothes on and gave her a good shampoo. I am sure she will need a asprin tonight she will be wiped out. The woods were nice I always loved the smell of the fallen leaves. Liz said she is going to go hunting after work Friday over by Steph's house I hope she gets lucky. I miss you so much its hard to find some enjoyment in this life without you. I pray I don't have to stay here without you to long and I mean earth long not heaven long. I love and miss you tons..Love you Laura"

"Hi Baby, It is the 13th of Oct, 2021.....Douglas picked me and Mom up about noon today and took us to see his new house..It was very nice to see him and his house is very nice a lot of old style charm. He took up the carpet and has hardwood floors which are very nice...I know you would love to make him some cabinets that always was your thing, which you always did so perfectly. They should be very happy and comfortable there. I do wish they had a little more room for the doggie but, that's just me. I am very grateful Douglas is out of Wausau that worried me all the time. His house is very warm and inviting with all the wood which makes it so comfortable. I just wish you where here to enjoy this mile stone with him. We did a good job with our kids they are strong, respectful, honest, and have made their way in this world. I do feel they are both set and have strong family values and will be just fine.. With that said I feel good about laving and joining you, I don't know what God's plans are but, I feel ready. I know I do not want to stay here alone and I feel I have accomplished what I needed to do. I hope you saved a place for me like I asked you to...I love and miss you more and more each day and the nights are long and lonely. Please tell God I am ready....I love you and miss you love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 12th of oct,2021...It was a pretty uneventful day, I missed you a lot. I just can't seem to get passed this and I don't know if I want to or not. I call your phone often so I can hear you I don't know what I am hoping for but, I like to her your voice. I am still waiting for the " RED OCTOBER " to happen although I don't really know what it completely is. I know something has to happen everything just seems to be getting worse. Nothing much has really changed around here but, I believe it will eventually make it here. I am still praying to God and asking him so many questions that I need answers to they are not just wants they are actually needs...I need to know! If God has some type of plan for my life I sure wish he would let me in on it as I do not have a clue. This is the hardest thing I have ever been forced to do and I know I am far from alone in this nightmare. I often think of all our service men and women who are left at home and how they must fear every phone call, every knock on the door could bring them unwanted news concerning their spouse. I am really starting to understand the saying "life is a bitch " I do have a whole new out look on life now thats for sure. I can not help but wonder how God can say " this is the day the Lord has made rejoice and be glad in it " when God is the one who decided to take your life away. Well Baby I better go please always remember I love and miss you...Laura"

"Hi Baby sorry I didn't write yesterday...Its the 11th of Oct 2021, We stacked wood the other day and I was beat..sorry ...They said there was a 90 percent change of rain and storms tonight so I cut all the grass and picked up some of the wood and stacked it in the garage. I then took the doggies over to liz's were Rena must of got a little to close to a skunk, She didn't smell as bad as before but liz and I washed her down with shampoo and the hose. I made a nice little fire tonight just to get the dampness out of the house but, so far no storm and it just rained a little. I am trying my very best to keep everything up for you but, man it is a lot. I don't like to be a bother to the kids if I don't have to. I so wish you would come home or I could go and be with you. Some times everything just feels so overwhelming and I will never get it all done right. Like I said any times before I am so grateful for this house, yard and area the dogs and Mom but, it doesn't feel the same without you here. I want you back more than anything yet I know I have to figure this out some how. Douglas and his family stopped by the other day..it was nice to see them. I really want to see their house I am sure it is nice. I just wish we could go see it together , I know you already seen it but, not since they moved in. Well actually I bet you have seen it and are watching over all of us..I just wish we could have a conversation. I simply don't know if the things I am doing are right or wrong and I miss our conversations about those type of things. I still miss you more and more with each day time doesn't heal anything...I pray you are watching over all of us and helping us anyway you can Lord knows I need that. I love you and miss you so much..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 9th of Oct, 2021 had a really bad day and the nights the same so I just want to say I love and miss you....I am very sorry for everything honey...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well its the 8th of Oct.2021....Liz came over and drove me to mole lake for smokes and we stopped at fleet farm for kitty food. Diamond has been as picky lately. Other than that didn't do much. I was kind of cold and tired all day. I talked to you a lot which I pray you heard. I have to say again although I am so grateful for this house, yard and everything we accomplished together I just don't want to do this any more not alone not without you. Nothing is getting better ( emotionally ) and I just hate the thought about thanksgiving and Christmas. not to mention Dec 4th which should have been our 39th wedding anniversary. I just don't understand why God made us go through everything we went through just to bring us through it and give us everything we wanted just to take you away. Now I sit in this house that you built with your own hands alone why? I do believe deep down God is absolutely good but, I still feel what he did taking you away when we finally accomplished our dream was just cruel and mean. I know God has his own plans and he wants all his children to come home ( heaven ) and yes I did want you to go to heaven I want all of us ( you, me, Douglas and Elizabeth along with their family ) all to go to heaven I just think it could have been later he could have fixed your heart just as easy as he took you and let you stay with us longer.. He could do that for everyone so why make us go through this kind of pain and suffering why? I just do not see the good in that. You made so much progress in life and overcome so much you should have been able to enjoy you success without all the restrictions you had to deal with. I should have known something else was occurring...why would someone who accomplished so much revert back to his old ways...I should have known I should have seen I am so sorry. I was acting out of fear i think I have no other reason for being so stupid. What I can tell you the guilt for not being more aware is more than I can take, I just can not live with this and maybe that is Gods punishment for my ignorance. All I wanted all I ever wanted was for you for us to enjoy everything we had, maybe for some people what we had wasn't much but, for me it was more than I every dared to hope for. I could have never done any of this without you nor do I want to enjoy it without you. I know Mom needs me now but, what happens when God takes her away? Than I will be truely alone and I do not want that nor do I want anyone else. I don't think life has any light at the end of the tunnel for me anymore I know whats coming and its nothing but, more pain I know Mom is 95 and I know she had a full and wonderful life which she really did deserve so her passing will hurt but, not like yours. I just will have nothing after that nothing that will be worth living through daily pain and sadness. Well baby I am having a really bad night which is becoming more and more usual and the doggies will be needing to go out so I will wrap this up..Ron I am begging if there is away for you to contact me please do If there is something God wants me to do before he will allow me to heard you please tell him to help me know what it is that I need to do. I love and miss you so much Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's the 7th of Oct 2021....I worked on stacking wood most of the afternoon, I don't want the kids to have to do it all and I know you wouldn't want that either. It's starting to sprinkle out a little so I am done for the night..plus my back has had enough. I am trying to keep everything up as best as I can I now you worked so hard getting all this I don't want to disrespect it in any way. I talked to you alot today I hope you were listening and I hope you are reading all these letters. I am pretty wore out tonight..Liz and her family are going to Tators football game tonight I hope the rain holds off. Well baby I love and miss you more and more every day I wish I could reset time..I love and miss you so much..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well its the 6th of Oct,2021..Its also Dusty and Liz's anniversary. I didn't do much today.I did make chicken and suds on the grill and brought some over for liz's family which worked out well since it was their anniversary which I didn't even know so..silver linings I guess. Mom and I did run to the bank.butcher shop and walmart so we are set for this "RED OCTOBER" if it does happen. Douglas never came over so far this week he was thinking he might stop by Monday or tuesday but I guess he couldn't make it..I miss him a lot these days. Tator went salmon fishing and caught some nice ones he said he had a lot of fun,he said Dan took him somewhere near Greenbay. Ripzy's back legs are getting pretty week, poor little thing I wish there was something I could do for her..she goes so fast sometimes and then ends up falling before I can catch her. I miss you very much,I read a letter on the internet today that really was true. It said not only did I lose someone now I am afraid of everything and that is true I don't know why but, things I always enjoyed I don't now because I always think of the what if's. well baby that's about it other than I miss you and love you very much..Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its Oct 5th 2021..Well I got all the dirt spread out in that other box you built,,I am going to use that box for a veggie garden I think.. All the flowers in the other box below the deck are doing very well, which is really something as I have never had a green thumb. I am waiting for the " RED OCT" to come I guess it is starting to effect some stores in the bigger cities..Amanda Grace showed a picture of a store shelf and it was completely empty. I would feel better about things getting bad if you were here with me, I really don't want to go through this alone. I think I will run to covantage in the morning and full the cars up just to be safe..I think I have enough of everything else although I need to get the gas tanks for the grill filled, I guess I could get some more canned food like beans and whatnot just in case we lose power which scares me because I know nothing about the pump thing. I have heard that if we do have a RED OCT. it shouldn't last to long. Well thats about it for today I am glad I got that dirt done though. I covered the dirt up with that black paper so the weeds wont grow I didn't have enough to cover it all but, it was close enough. Well Baby I love and miss you more and more with each day...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's Oct, 4th 2021..Well I spent most of the day cleaning under the deck and taking all the buried wood out and stacking the rest. It took me several hours but, its done and believe me I feel it. Like you always told me I'm not 30 any more. Dusty brought over several pallets so I can stack the newly cut wood and keep it off the ground. I will have to see how I feel in the morning, I may have to skip a day to recover. I sure missed you today although I did speak to you and I pray you heard me. Rena was so good the gate was open and she stayed right by me the entire time. Well Baby I just wanted to check in I am pretty wiped out so until tomarrow I love you and miss every minute of every day..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby It is Oct,3rd 2021, Dusty and Liz came over this afternoon and we worked outside until 6:30ish..We cleaned out under the deck that wood scaffling (don't know how that is spelled) was all rotten and we tossed it. We did get that little red wagon out..I missed that thing. I will see how the weather is on Monday and maybe I will start moving that firewood around so we can stack the new stuff Dusty cut up. I really don't know what I would do without their help..It would be very hard if not impossible for me alone. I hope everything we are getting done is ok with you I really do. I miss you so much every day its so hard to get the courage to go on every day when I really just want to give up. I surely don't want to go on like this for years that would be just torcher. I pray and pray that you will talk to me or at least read these letters. Braydon cut all the grass today he did a really good job..He also met the new neighbors and Liz said they were very nice. It would be nice for him to have some good friends in the neighborhood. Well thats about it for tonight..I could go on and on about how much I wish you were here but, I think you already know that..I love and miss you Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its Oct 1st 2021, Ron Liz, Dusty and I worked outside all day we got alot done alot of wood cut and slit. So I am pretty wore out tonight..I just didn't want to call it a night without telling you how much I love and miss you...I hope you are happy with everything we are getting done, I don't want to do anything that would upset up. I love and miss you so much...Liz ordered a ring for me tonight...I didn't want to put the date you left on it but, I did put our wedding date on it, I guess it just felt fight..We will be married 39 years on the 4th of Dec. so I thought it would be fitting. I love and miss you so much..Love Laura Ps. I will try to write more later I am just beat tonight "

"Hi Baby, Well its the 30th of Sept, 2021 and now we turn the page to another month...Winter will be here soon. I normally enjoy winter as long as I don't have to drive anywhere but, I am not looking forward to it this year. Just things about the holidays makes me cry....I really don't feel any better than I did the day you went to heaven. I know everyone say's it takes time but, nobody can give you a timeline everyone is different but, I thought it would be getting somewhat better by now. I haven't heard from Douglas in a long time..I know he is busy and I don't really know when he is working so I don't want to bother him. I kept listening to all my programs and although I like them they really don't make me feel any better. They say its going to be a red (rough) October we will see,either way I am pretty well set up thanks to you. Diamond seems to be doing better she is eating again and going outside. She had me worried for awhile there. All the doggies are doing good I do have to make a vet. appt. for some shots before the snow comes. I pray you are reading these messages. Yesterday was bad and today wasn't great either, I just don't see the importance of anything any more, I did most of the stuff I did for you, I know you never really cared if the house was clean or if I made diner but, I felt it was my job and enjoyed doing it for you. Granted you were very easy to please you weren't fussy about anything. Oh man I miss you so much at night...well I love and miss you Ron..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well its the 29th of Sept, 2021....I can not believe you have been gone for 3 months at appox. 9:30 pm. It's been a rough day..I attempted to keep as busy as I could. It still feels like yesterday to me. I keep praying and praying but, it is like nobody is listening. I think it is going to be a rough long night. Jolene was just here and dropped off a 50lb bag of suds which was nice and stayed and visited for awhile. Ron I miss you so much I wish I could come by you if nobody is going to answer my prayers. I think I am going to go for tonight because I can tell the emotional wave is on the way...Remember I love and miss you so much and I will keep praying..Love you always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's Sept, 28th, 2021...Got a few more things done today..Cut the grass, cleaned a little, took the dogs over to Liz's for a run around and made something on the grill tonight. Things just aren't getting much better, I really do not want to do this anymore...I guess nobody up there is really understanding....I am so grateful for everything, the house, yard, cars, enough money to keep everything going just fine ect..but I wanted to share it all with you not have it for myself. I still can't sleep in the bed, I really don't know why I just know I can't. The doggies are all doing pretty good Ripzy needs a little more help but all in all she's doing pretty good. Diamond has me worried, she's not eating much and sleeping all the time. Mom seems to be doing better these days although her leg gives her trouble when she walks on it. I contacted Jolene and ordered a bag of suds..I figure I can give some to liz and Sharon as I don't think we will go through 50lbs. I miss you so much..I don't know how to move on without you. Well I guess I'll leave it at that as night is moving in and thats my really bad time..I love you and miss you Ron..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Sept.27th 2021,..Didn't do anything today, It was a another emotional day...listened to my programs and attempt to do what they said but, still nothing. I enjoy listening to them but, for some reason I not getting through. I am going to keep trying though it is worth it. I did manage to water the flowers and feed mom but not much else. I so hope you are happy,healthy and safe I just wish you could or would talk to me. I call your phone all the time I don't want to forget your voice and I changed by phones wallpaper to a picture of you. I love and miss you so much..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Sept 26th 2021, Sorry I didn't write for 2 days..I was at the cottage with Dusty,Liz and the kids closing it down for the winter. Aiden cleaned the cutters and we brought up all the boats and put them in the extra garage. We brought in the dock it was pretty cold at least for me..Liz and I cleaned the house and Dusty drained all the water and turned everything off and put anti-freeze in what ever needed it. I think we did pretty good. I just hate coming home knowing you will not be here, Its the worst part of the drive home. I brought home one of the rugs and put it here downstairs to brighten it up a little. It looked bigger in the bedroom but, I think it looks ok down here also. Oh baby I miss you so much and I am just fearing this winter without you. I am still waiting for someone up there to give me some kind of sign or message I want to hear from you so much. I love and miss you tons..Laura..."

"Hi Baby, It is the 24th of Sept.2021...I am at the cottage with all three doggies..Joann is home with mom and diamond. Dusty and liz are coming up tonight. Than in the morning will take in the dock,cut the grass,clean ect and shut it down for the winter. I hate being away from home, I feel closer to you there.I didn't bring you with because I didn't want anything to happen to you, I always think of the worse thing that could happen. I miss knowing your not at home waiting for me, I hate the drive home because I know you wont be there. I am still waiting for a word or a sign from you,God or anyone I need to know you are happy,healthy and safe. I will never stop waiting never....but sooner rather than later would be better. I love and miss you so much Ron..I really do..Love always Laura "

"Hi Baby,Its the 23rd of Sept.2021...I am going to have to make this short tonight as I am having a exceptionally bad night..I just don't understand any of this, God said he is always with us however, I don't feel like he is with me at all. I don't know what we did that was so wrong that he had to make you sick and then tare us apart like this..I have tried so hard not to be angry but, I am...Joanne is coming in the morning or early afternoon I was thinking about heading up to the cottage and start cleaning before Dusty and liz come up to take in the dock and shut it down for the winter. I know none of what happened is your fault baby, I am just so mad that it happened the way it did especial when I know he could have stopped it....Baby I am going to cut it short I can hardly see the keys..I love and miss more and more each day...Laura "

"Hi Baby, It is the 22nd of Sept 2021, Well I cut all the grass today I think it looks ok...Sharon called tonight and said it is going to frost so I should cover the plants..I covered as many as I could I didn't have enough sheets to cover them all. I think I will attempt to finish the thing around the gas tank in the morning..I only have a little more of the black grass covering left, Its a little tricky because I have to go under the tank and there is a gas line to cut around, it won't be bad if its not windy. Iam trying to create little projects to keep my mind occupied other wise I think about us all day and everything we are going to miss doing together and that leads into a pretty bad day. Liz brought the car back tonight there are getting a loaner car for a few days, not that I need it really, I don't plan on going anywhere. I think it is going to be a long hard winter according to what I listen to, which is bad..winter is always hard enough and to get through it this year without you will be really hard. I have no idea how to plow the driveway...I counted on you for so many things more than I ever realized. I guess we each had our own things that we did around the house to keep everything flowing, never thinking what we would do if one of us were not here anymore. I guess I have no choice but, it try to do the best I know how...I want to keep things up so everything looks nice for you.Well Honey I don't have much to say other than that..I miss you and love you so much..Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 21st of Sept. 2021....I worked outside a little today, I put down the black covering that goes under the woodchips. I didn't finish it all as I need some help getting around the gas tank. We will be going up to the cottage this weekend to close everything down and get the dock in. I don't know if we will get the fence in this year or not gets getting pretty late in the year already. There seems to be so much to do and not enough time to get it all done. We had a storm late night and as usual Rena did not enjoy it at all. I have also noticed that with you not here I don't enjoy them much either. Since you left it seems everything scares me, I think it is because I don't know how to fix anything and when you were here I never worried about any of the stuff. Know it is first and foremost on my mind all the time. Even when you couldn't physically do anything I always knew I could ask you what I should do and you would always know. Those chewy chill chews Liz's get me for Rena really do help, they don't stop her fear completely but, they do seem it make her able to cope better. I am getting a little worried about Diamond she is not eating like she use to. I thought it was because I didn't get her the right can food that we always got. I went back and got the right kind and she still is not eating half as much as she always did. I know she is getting up there is age but, I pray I don't lose her too. I know she misses you maybe that is why shes not eating..I simply don't know. Anyway please read these letters and always remember I love and miss you so do all our critters..xxoo"

"Hi Baby, Its the 20th of Sept 2021....Keep busy today, did some cooking,baking, cleaning ect...Dusty and Liz are still having some trouble with the truck..use know those car dealerships...just so dishonest. It looks like a storm in moving in tonight. Its getting pretty dark and windy. I had a talk with God today..well I did just about every day I but, instead of just asking a lot of why questions I tried to make it more what I am grateful for. I do know you set us up so well,we worked hard together along with God and we got it all done. I was just hoping we could enjoy it together for a few more years.Mom had a pretty good day which was nice to see. I saw two cats outside last night one black and white like Diamond and the other was more multi colored I think that was the one hear before that let me pet her or him. I called your phone once or twice today, sometimes I just have to hear your voice. I love you and miss you so much..Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 19th of Sept. 2021...Didn't do much today other than miss you. I did manage to water the flowers but, that was about it..I called you a few times and then sat downstairs most of the afternoon. I have to make my way to cost cutters one of these days my hair is getting so out of control. I paid your other medical bill so we are all caught up, and don't worry about them if more come I will pay them, It will be just fine. I will not allow anyone to think you don't pay your bills..never..We are going up to the cottage next weekend to take down the dock and close it up for the winter. Mom has been pretty bad in the mornings but, she does get better as the day goes on. Well baby I don't have much else to inform you of as like I said I didn't do much...Remember I love you and miss you every minute of every day...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its the 18th of Sept 2021....I got a big surprise today Marge and Wendy drove up to visit..It was very nice to see them both, I think GOD blessed me with the best friends on the face of the earth. We didn't go anywhere as you know I just can not leave this house yet, But, we sat around and talked it was so nice. Sharon, John, Kevin and his son stopped by too which was also very nice. and if that wasn't enough Amy from across the street brought me over the biggest plant ( mums) I have very seem they are just beautiful.I placed them by the sign Marty made for you so now you have lights and a beautiful plant....Everyone has been so wonderful I have so much to be grateful for. I just wished you were here to enjoy everything with me. Marge and Wendy looked really good and I was so grateful for thier visit it meant more than I think I could ever express. Oh baby, I miss you so much and I am trying so hard to fell grateful that you are in heaven and free of all these earthy problems. I guess all my sadness and regrets are selfish I needed you just as much as GOD did but, I do not know what his mighty plan is either way GOD is absolutely good and I have to keep reminding myself so that. Baby please just know I love you I have always loved you my ways may not have been "normal" but they were meant with good faith and love. Until Sunday night remember I love and miss soooo very much,,,,Laura...ps I am still waiting for you to let me know you are Happy, Healthy and safe."

"Hi Baby, Its the 17th of Sept.2021..I actually got a few things done today..Cut the grass worked outside and took the dogs for a run at Liz's. I started a fire as they say it's going to get down in the 30's tonight. Douglas and Taylor stopped by and grabbed some of your tools,they are moving into their house. I really wish you were here for this I know you would want to help him get settled in. I am not looking forward to this winter without you, all the holidays will just not be the same. I scared to think about plowing I counted on you for so much. I have been attempting to keep up with everything the best I can..I think I am doing ok with the grass and what not. I keep calling your phone so I can hear you...Douglas brought it back today which was nice I always worried when I called it he would answer. I think I miss you more and more with each passing day, people say it will get better but, no so far. I think I will miss you ever day forever.....I love and miss you so much Ron..love Laura"

"Hi Baby, It is the 16th of Sept 2021,...I missed you all day today, Didn't really do much I cleaned the grill and paid the WPS bill that was about it. I checked the weather channel as it is really windy out and it does look like something is coming but, it looks like the strong part is upnorth more. Lucy called today but, I missed her call I didn't call her back because I just was having one of those days. Maybe I will call her in the morning, I know she is going through the same pain as me. I better give Rena her chill pills tonight just in case the storm comes, they do seem to help her and Liz got me 2 more bags. Ripzy took a tumble down the steps tonight, she seems ok but, they are giving her a lot of trouble, poor little girl. Well baby I could go on and on about how much I miss you but, I hope you know all that already. Thank you for giving me everything I have I am very grateful for everything, I just wish you were here to enjoy it with me. I love and miss you so much baby,,,Laura"

"Sorry, for some reason it posted it already and I wasn't done....Anyway I keep waiting and praying that someone would talk to me or visit me and let me know something..I have a lot of why questions without answers. I will keep waiting and praying that you will contact me in some way. I love you and miss you more with each passing day..Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it is Wed.the 15th 2021....Time just keeps passing by but, it still feels fresh in my mind. I think I called your phone a half a dozen times today just to hear your voice. Douglas came and got the jeep today he is going to start moving in his new house. Liz has the car as they are having some trouble with the truck. Douglas had a DR. appt. in the later morning and he said he was going to stop back and visit but, he couldn't so I didn't see him for very long. Liz took me to walmart so I am set for the rest of the week, except I wanted to get some round-up but walmart was out. The days and nights are starting to feel the same, I just miss you all the time. I hate this so much I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I wish GOD would let me know what the plan is...I have no idea and I really don't see a light anywhere. I keep waitin"

"Hi baby, It is Sept 14th 2021...I ran up to Sharons for about a hour today to pick up a few things but, that was about it. I feel very mad today not at you but, with GOD. I can not figure out what we did that was bad that he slit us up like this. I don't know how people deal with this I really don't and all the things I read makes perfect sense for about 10 minutes and then reality kicks back in. Bottom line is I am here alone and you are gone, I don't see anything good in that...I know you are in no more pain but, GOD could have healed you and instead chose not to. I feel nothing but anger and yet I still want GOD in my life and pray for his comfort and support. God knows everything yesterday, today and the entire future so he knew how this was going to hurt and he still did it anyway. I just don't have any other way of says this I just feel that is nothing but cruel. I am very sorry Ron for not being more uplifting and acting maybe not that way you thought I would. I want nothing more than for you to come home to this home where you should be, there is plenty of time to go to your heavenly home but, it wasn't this time not this soon. Maybe my thoughts will change with time but, for right know I do not see that happening I would lie and tell you everything is fine and I will be fine but, what is the good of that GOD knows what I am feeling there's no sense trying to lie about it. Just remember I love you and miss you and I do want to be with you again..Love Laura"

"we Hi Baby, It's Monday the Sept.13th 2021, I actually got pretty much done today, They say we might get some bad weather this evening into Tuesday morning so I cut the grass. I found out a little about your infection and one of the causes was living in an unclean home. If I caused your infection because the house was not clean enough I am so sorry, I should have bathed you as well to make sure you were clean but, honestly I never even thought about infections...I am so sorry. The more and more I look into things and look back on things I should have and could have done so many things different. I never thought we were not coming home never....We have been down that road so many times and you always came home. I am sorry I failed you in so many different ways, I can't even think of them all. I cleaned today and did some laundry but,that doesn't help you anymore does it. Oh baby I just pray you are healthy now and there is no more worries about sickness or infections, I wish I could do it all over I would do so much better but, second chances don't happen when we need them the most. All I can do now is ask you to forgive me....I will always love and miss you Ron always...Love Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its Sunday the 12th of Sept 2021....Lydia's 5th birthday party was this afternoon Dusty, Liz and Braydon went they said a lot of people were there.Douglas gave them a tour of his new house everyone seemed to really like it. Oh how I wish you were here to help him with the odds and ends of owning a house. I know you have loved working with him on it and spending time together. I didn't do much today, I am watching Sid Roth but they are talking about healing's and it just makes me keep asking why, why not you. I watch the stories of 911 and what all those people went through, there is so much pain and suffering. I know GOD has plans for all of us but, the path to get there is so hard and painful. America lost 13 service members in Aug.2021 and they were all so young most of them in thier 20's. Baby I miss you so much I miss all the things that you did every day that I never even really thought about. I miss you just being here just knowing you where here was so much comfort, oh how I wish you never left. I guess it is true " never take the little things for granted" as usual I learned to little and to late. Last night was a bad night I didn't get to write Dad I was so emotional drained. Ron I pray and pray you will somehow let me know you are alright...I love and miss you so much...love laura"

"Hi baby, It's Saturday the 11th 2021...20 years after 911....Well another rough day..Ron I always have bad nights since you left but, the morning and afternoon I worked through but, not any more now the mornings, afternoons and evening are all bad. At first I just wanted to know why..why couldn't you be healed, then it went to anger towards GOD and now I feel anger towards you as well. Even though I know It was not in your control..crazy right. With each passing day I am more and more sure I can not do this. I am mad at GOD for taking you I am mad at you for leaving I can't find joy or comfort in anything I don't remember things, everything is just a mess and scrambled. I am attempting to make some type of projects to keep busy, but, I really don't want to do anything. I try hard not to cry in front of Mom but, she's a mom and she can tell I am not right. I have tried everything I know to talk to GOD and let him know whats going on but, he doesn't answer or give me any clues what else to do. I am tired and just want to stop feeling bad. I listen to all my programs and what appears to make them happy and full of hope and joy I find disappointing and sad. I find no joy in what they seem to think is so joyful. Everything they are saying about heaven is not what I thought heaven to be...and although some of it does sound wonderful some of it sounds awful. All I know for sure is I just want to be with you, living here without you is not joyful or happy it's just sad and lonely.I know I do not want to go back to work not like the world is today, and I just don't feel like going anywhere and when I do I just want to come back home. I just don't know how long a person can go on like this but, I do know however much time it is ...is way to much.. I can not help but, think if GOD rips apart your family and life he could at the very least try to explain why. Until Sunday Baby I love and miss you more every day....Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it's Friday night Sept 10th 2021....Well it wasn't a good day but, it wasn't he worst day either, although night is coming and that is always bad. Liz took me to get Lydia's birthday gift this afternoon, we got her a fancy outfit and a scooter with lots of colorful lights and some hair ties and bows. Oh baby I wish you were here....I just hate this...GOD won't talk to me, you won't talk to me I don't know what or why all this is happening. I am trying not to but, all I feel is anger and disappointment towards GOD. I see no upside to this situation and he sure isn't letting me know a darn thing. ( which I think is nothing but cruel) I used to be so interested in what is going on in this world but, know I simply just to not care. My life ended with yours but you got heaven and I got this. I am happy that you are is no more pain and your not suffering any more I do thank GOD for that. I just don't feel the same anymore..Well Baby until Saturday night remember I do love and miss you more than anything...Laura"

"HI Baby, Sept.9th 2021..Today is Daddys birthday 99 years old(earth numbers) Well the week started out bad and end the same way.I did get a lot done around the yard but, then I started straighten out the garage which started a endless flow of emotions. Don't worry I did not toss anything just cleaned a little. The cutting up that wood I told you about didn't go good, well it went ok I just didn't like it. Liz is going to take me shopping Friday to get something for Lydia's 5th birthday gift. Baby I feel like I am trying so hard here but, getting no where.I am thankful for so much but, feel like I lost everything at the same time. I hate being here alone, and yet nobody can take your place, I never thought this would be so painful, My whole body aches and I feel so empty inside. I wish GOD would let me know why..why all this pain is for a greater purpose, Julie check in on me again tonight, She is such a good friend and she has such a big heart. She is going to make some young man very happy some day. She just got a new puppy Bo passed away of cancer maybe you could find Bo and befriend him. Kat Kerr says animals can talk in heaven if that is correct I bet that is just the best. Baby I wish GOD would take me home so we could be together, I just don't know what he wants me to complete here on earth what is my purpose? Well Baby, if you know you'll have to direct me or at least visit now and again..I miss you so much. Well Baby I have to write happy birthday to Daddy so until Friday night remember I miss you and Love you soooooo much..laura"

"Hi Baby , sept 8th 2021, This is actually the second letter tonight, for some reason then other one isn't on here.I miss you so much, every passing day I miss you more. I can not understand why GOD heals some and not others. Why did he not heal you? I have always consider myself a pretty faithful person. I have sinned yes a lot am sure and I should have done better. I should have noticed what was happening with you and I should have acted more quickly getting you out of that hospital..I knew it was wrong to keep you there but, I didn't act and for that I will be forever ashamed. I pray you will forgive me and I pray GOD did not take you away to punish me. I can not understand why I remain here on earth, I have nothing to offer anyone and I have no desire to remain here, I do not know what I am suppost to complete or accomplish. I prayed and told GOD that he must be more direct as I am not getting what ever it is that he wishes me to get. I pray with everything I have and with everything I am that you are Happy, Healthy and safe, you went through so much torment on earth you deserve everything GOD as to offer you. I was very upset to find out heaven has no marriage, it really hurt to hear that..I just pray you remember me and are watching over me. I just want to come up there with you more than anything but, I know GOD does not work on my timeline. I just pray he gives me some direction as I feel nothing but lost and a lone. Baby, I can not thank you enough for this home, this property and all the things you have done for me over the years, I know I did not do this a lone nor do I believe we did it together without help from the Lord. We over came so much and you over came more than anyone I have ever meet, I know that couldn't have been a easy road to travel, But, I am so grateful I was blessed enough to travel it with you. I love and miss more and more with each passing day..Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It is Sept 8th 2021, Yet another day passed. I kept busy today I used your saw I didn't like it much, I trimmed some tree's, brought in some wood and cleaned up the garage a little, don't worry I did not through anything away.I knew I was going to have a bad day I could just tell so I tried to work all day but, it really didn't make a difference. I keep listening to all my programs and they all say GOD is good..yet I feel nothing but anger towards him. All my programs speak about GOD's healing powers yet GOD choose not to heal you...why? Each day gets a little worse than the next and I am finding out quickly that I can not continue like this. I am so grateful for this home our yard and that we managed to get debt free but, it just doesn't feel right without you. I pray and pray for GOD to take me so I can be with you but, he just doesn't. I truly think I am being punished for not seeing what was happening with you medically. I have no desire or unfinished work that I know of to complete I have nothing to offer anyone, why is he keeping me here? Sept. 9th is Daddy birthday so I told him I would make him a cake It would be nice for you to show up as well. GOD is the I AM he is the beginging and the end and his will , will be done. I pray he doesn't make me stay here to much longer, I just want to be with you..I love and miss every minute of every day ..Laura"

"Hi dad, I still can't believe you are gone. I'm sorry for all the heart ach I caused you over the years. There are definitely times I wish I could turn back the clock. I miss you so much. The boys are doing good, getting really excited for hunting season this year, Aiden gets to sit by himself. I hope you have a chance to play woth Zena, Zach, Zoey, Easter, mitzy, and sniffles (if she is there) give them all love for me. Mom is hanging in there, it's been real hard on her. I try at visit as much as I can, it's not easy with the kids schedule. I wish she would stop thinking she is a burden on us now because she isn't. We want to help. Well I have to get to bed, have to work and gets the kids off to school in the morning. Give grandpa a big hug for me, I miss him too. Sleep tight dad Love you, Lizzy"

"Hi Baby, Its Sept. 7th 2021...I worked on the yard today mostly the south side of the house where all the wood was stacked up. It looked pretty bad but, it does look better now..Dusty set up the saw for me in the garage so I can start cutting it up..I haven't heard anything from Douglas lately, I hope I didn't do something wrong or upset him in some way. Ron I just don't understand any of this. I know GOD is all good and Love but, I can not help but feel anger towards him.Which up sets me more because I know I shouldn't feel that way towards GOD. I am just so angery mostly because of lack of understanding I believe either way thats how I feel. I miss you so much mostly at night when we would sit downstairs and watch our shows. During the day I can usually manage to keep myself busy although I wouldn't be completely honest if I said I don't cry during the day also. I just see something and it reminds me of something and the tears just come. I know everyone is so busy with their daily lives but, for me time has just stood still, I know the world is not going to stop just because Laura is having a bad time but, I just feel like I don't see the kids like I use to. Honestly I am most likely a drag to be around I really can blame them. I miss you so much I just can not believe I can keep this up. My Daddy's birthday is in a few days on the 9th, I wrote him to and told him I would bake him a cake. I feel bad because I haven't wrote to him in a few years, but I am going to start writing him every day just like I do with you. Wendy texted me today she got the covid and can't do anything for 10 days, which I am sure is hard for her because she is always so active. I am going to attempt to cut some of that wood in the morning I pray everything will go alright, I am trying to get a little more set up for the winter months. Winter has always seemed so long and I think this will be an extra long winter without you here. Well I better go a storm is moving in..love and miss you Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its Sept. 6th 2021, I planted a bush that Tanya and Chis brought for us..I planted it in front of the gas tank I am hoping it will hide the tank a little when it grows up. I had a pretty rough weekend, I honestly do not know how people go on with thier lives after something like this, I can not seem to do it. I can't even make it through one day and I am already stressing about the upcoming holidays and birthdays and God knows what else. Ron I would give anything to change those chain of events, I just want to turn the clock back and do it all over with more knowledge and more insight. I fear so much, Moms getting pretty old and Ripzy isn't to good I don't know what I will do if they leave...I won't have any reason or purpose anymore. I don't mean to sound like a snowflake I just don't seem any type of light at the end of the tunnel...as life would have it there really isn't anything coming down the road but, more pain and misery. I understand GOD works on his own time with his own reasons but, I am just human and I think everyone has a breaking point. Some maybe able to go on and find some comfort in memories however I am not one of those people. As you always told me I am black and white no grey area, everything was either right or wrong I guess you were right. Well I guess I have wined enough for one night, I am afraid thats about all I can actually do these days. I would say it doesn't take much effort but, it actually does. Well Baby until Tuesday night I will let you go., I still have to drop daddy a few words tonight. I love and miss you so much..Laura"

"Hi Baby, Sept. 5th 2021....I don't have much to say today baby other than I can not do this....I may have been a strong person years ago but, that is not me any more. I am sorry if you think less of me but, I honestly do not know how to do this and I don't have the energy any more. You have been here for so long and I can not imagine any kind of life without you here, it is simply to hard. Sorry I know you thought I was stronger than this but,the truth is I am not. Nothing is getting better at all and all I do is the same thing every day, not to mention check on you on and off all day but, you are never there. Well baby I love you and miss you more and more each passing day....Laura"

"Hi Baby, It's me again Saturday night Sept 4th 2021..Pretty uneventful day I did manage to go to walmart Diamond needed some more canned food and littler...130.00 dollars later well, you know how that goes...It was another hard day, I feel like I am working so hard but, running in place at the same time. I know that doesn't make sense but it is what it is...I really don't seem to be making any progress moving forward, I watch and listen to programs all day, which at the time does make me feel a little better but, it really doesn't last very long. I promised I would not pray to have bring you home, I know you are happy,healthy and full to the top with love in heaven and I would never want to take that away from you. I am really trying to keep my word about that but, actually I would love you back home here in this house with me, so I am torn. You deserve heaven and everything that comes with it so I can not let my feels disturb your happiness. I have no idea how to move forward every day I go through the motions I am excepted to do or at least have always done but, nothing seems worth it and it doesn't give me the feeling of accomplishment it once did. I just hope something changes this is pure hell on earth....I guess GOD gives us all crosses to carry mine just seems exceptionally heavy. Well honey I could complain about myself for hours but, what good would that do either of us. All I can say is how sorry I am for not seeing what I should have, and not acting on decisions that deep down I knew should have been done eariler. It's a little to late to say I will make sure I do it better next time. You enjoy heaven baby, I must pay for my short comings and lack of knowledge...I just pray you and GOD will forgive me..Love you miss you...Laura"

"Hi Baby, I made a mistake and put Aug 3rd..sorry it is actually Sept 3rd, 2021..Love you "

"Hi Baby, Sorry about yesterday I don't know what was going on with my computer..Anyway its Friday Aug 3rd 2021...Didn't really do much today it was rather damp and rainy outside. I did watch some life after death video's and they really got me thinking....As much as I love and miss you I can't keep asking GOD to bring you home.....It isn't fair to you. You are with GOD and Jesus and in no pain or sadness, you deserve to be happy and healthy and surrounded with love. Me wanting you home was selfish and I am sorry. I can not ask GOD to take you away from all heaven has given you and ask you to give it all up for me. I pray and pray you are so happy and healthy I want the best for you I always have I guess I just had a misguided way of giving it to you. I pray Zena and Zoey along with all the other furry family members we took in throughout the years are with you. I am sure Rena, Ripzy,Zara and of course your little buddy Diamond miss you all the time. I tell them good morning and goodnight from daddy almost daily. Living like this ( without you) is rough and I haven't made it through one day without crying. I so pray you are reading these letters, I am not sure what or how much you can relate to the feelings and emotions here on earth. From what I have listened to you are far above earthy feelings and emotions and you are filled with light and love unlike anything you have experienced here on earth. I do wish GOD would have taken you to heaven healed you and returned you to earth but,that wasn't the plan I guess. I never know how I can go on one more day here alone but, somehow it happens, its not enjoyable and it is not something I would wish anyone to go through yet here I remain. Ron if you could visit me anyway possible I would truly enjoy it I would love to see you or talk to you anything...Please enjoy heaven baby and GOD willing I will see you soon,,Love and miss you so much...Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well its Thursday and Dusty just got your jeep back he had the oil changed and what not. May computer is acting up tonight so this may have to be short. It keep doing strange things so I will try again later..Just know please remember I miss you and love you and even though Kat Kerr said there is no marriage in heaven as far as I am concerned we are still married and always will be.. Love you much...your wife forever Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it is now wed. the 1st of Sept. I was listening to some of my shows on the computer actually I was listen to Katt Kerr I think that was her name, I have seen her a few time but, not alot. Anyway she said you can hear me speak to you..GOD I pray that is true. I also pray you can read these letters. Ron I am out of ideas and I do not know what else to do. I tried begging with GOD but, Robin Bullock said that is wrong I have to be demanding and assertive, so I tried that and I got the same result. I do not know what else to do. Kat Kerr said it is wonderful where you are and I know that is true, and I know you are happy, healthy and safe which does give me comfort but, not having you here hurts more than the comfort can cover. I don't know how to get to the mental awareness so I can hear you or see you. I don't know how to get to have a personal relationship with GOD and Jesus I know I believe but, I don't know how to get higher in my faith so I can hear . Kat say's you still remember the ones you left behind here on earth and you can watch us thought the port holes of heaven, I pray that is true also. You have all the answers now and yet you can not share them with me. I pray and hope that if GOD THE FATHER will not let us talk or will not let you return I pray that he takes me to join you shortly. I do not want to stay here without you. You were everything your the reason I did everything I did, now there is nothing left. The kids have their own lives and families and we did a great job they are great people and will do great things. Please if you have any say in the matter do not leave me here....I want to join you please...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, Its Tuesday the 31st of Aug,21..The last day of Aug...You have been gone for all of July and Aug....I just can not believe or except this. I have to call the vet. in the morning and try and get an appointment asap..Rena bump on her face is back I think it is bigger this time, plus all three of them need thier shots as well. If I can make it on a Friday either Dusty or Liz can come with me, its rather hard taking all three by myself. Douglas called and said he can actually move into his house 2 weeks sooner which is nice because Lydia's birthday is the day after they can move in. I wish you didn't have to miss this, I know you will be there but, its not the same. Deep down I really want to be mad at GOD for taking you away from me But, I know that is wrong yet I can not seem to get passed it. In my mind GOD can do anything there isn't anything he can not do and it would have been just as easy for him to heal you as it was to take you away. I know GOD has a bigger plan for us all and he see's things in the bigger picture but, he also knows we can not and he knows how much this hurts us yet, he still does it. Its very hard to try and wrap my head around that. I know GOD is always good and he loves us all and he said he would never leave us but, I sure do feel alone right now. I listen to Robin Bullock and Amanda Grace all the time along with several others trying to understand. I have so many questions and I have written both Robin and Amanda but, even the answers they gave me didn't really make me understand. I really think I am even dumber than I had thought. I even informed GOD in my prayers that he needs to be more direct as I am not getting it. People tell me we may not be ready to know the answers yet but, there will be a time when GOD will inform us it is simply not the time. I understand that however it brings little to no comfort. I know you are in great knowledge and greatness and you maybe able to see GODS future plans which has to be amazing and you deserve it you deserve all the wonders heaven has to offer. I wish you could tell me you forgive me for not catching on this guilt is consuming and always upfront and center of my days. Tator did come home from the hospital today (THANK YOU GOD) and he looked well. School starts in the morning for this year I pray they both have a great day. Lydia starts 4K it maybe hard for Taylor letting her go I remember our kids first day was always hard for me. Well Baby thats about it for today pss. I did get the grass cut all of it in and out of the fence..I love you so much and miss you so much. If you can maybe you could speak with Jesus and let him know I need more help than the average person...love you Laura"

"Hello Baby, Well it is Monday Night Aug 30th 21....Really didn't do much today..It was one of those bad days that seem to just come out of the blue. Tator is in Marshfield hospital he has been having a hard time breathing but, Liz said he is doing better and maybe he can come home on Tuesday. Liz has been staying with him there at the hospital. We sent him some flowers and candy to try and cheer him up a bit. I just can not figure out how to continue day by day life without you...I don't know what to do I can't clean everyday forever. I am having such a hard time now I don't even want to think about what its going to be like in the winter..Not to mention all the up coming holidays....I just don't know how I am going to get through this. Don't get me wrong, the kids and everyone have been so good but, they can not replace you. How do I live every day life? Dusty took the jeep in to get the oil changed and have it looked over before winter which was very nice. I wish you could speak to me and let me know how you are, and maybe give me some insight on what I am suppost to do with my life as I really have no idea. The days are so long and the nights are lonely I pray this isn't my future...I feel bad feeling this way because I have a home, cars, a nice big yard, my puppies and diamond but, without you they just don't feel like they did before. If you can in anyway contact me please do I really need to know how you are....Well until Tuesday remember I love and miss you very much...Laura"

"Hello Baby, Here we are Sunday night and I am still here and you are still there....So no prayers answered today...( that I know of anyway) The weekend was long and difficult I try to keep myself busy but, sometimes that just doesn't work. I keep cooking and freezing stuff I really don't know why I guess its something to do. The house just feels so empty and lonely yet I have no desire to leave and go anywhere. I wish I could turn the clock back or wake up from this nightmare, it just doesn't feel real to me it feels impossible that you are gone. Two months and yet it has not sunk in to my head or heart. I hear a car and go to the window to check? check for what I don't know...for my prayers to be answered I guess. Well I have a feeling this is going to be a rough night, I can hardly see through my tears to type this so I will let you go and I will write you again on Monday...I pray you are Happy, Healthy and safe...Love always and forever...Laura"

"Hello Baby, Well he it is Saturday night another day passed...I cut all the grass today because they said we maybe getting some bad weather tonight into Sunday, but who knows. I hope you can hear me talking to you as I found myself doing it all day long. I also pray GOD is showing you these messages or maybe you can just see them yourself I do not know how things work up there although I hope I can find out soon. The worlds a mess and the one person I always enjoyed talking to about the events of the day was you. I can not imagine what I am going to do with the rest of my life, I pray I do not have to live without you for 5,10 or twenty years. I think that would be so mean and GOD is good so I don't think he would have me suffer like that, at least I pray he wouldn't. Douglas's birthday is Sunday but, we already gave him our gift, I hope he has a nice relaxing day. In another month he will being moving into his new home. I wish you could be here for that. Liz and her family will be coming home from thier camping trip sometime on Sunday. I saw a few pictures and videos on the internet and they all seem to be having a great time although I didn't see Tator with a fishing pole in any of the pictures. Rena has the bump on the side of her face again although it still doesn't seem to hurt her at all even when I press on it. I don't know if the vet can look at it as she doesn't like the vet at all. Well honey that was pretty much my day..I pray and pray you are happy,healthy and safe...Love always Laura"

"Hi Baby, It is Friday the 27th of Aug.2021....I have been listening to all my computer programs. I am asking GOD to make sure you are Happy, Healthy and safe. God can do with me what he will and I am sure he will, I just want to know you are good and you know my feelings and thoughts. I am attempting to figure out how I can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ where we can have a conversation and he can allow me to know how you are. I can not express how important it is to me that you are safe and you have no pain and you are with your parents,friends , family members,and all our animals that we have helped throughout our time together here on earth. I want you to know I am and will continue to work on my personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, as I know no man coming before me but, through him". I don't know how long it will take me to actually heard from the Lord but, I will continue to try. It is so important to me that you are safe and healthy. Ron, I know I could have been so much more informed and I will struggle with that knowledge for ever but, I will continue to reach out to the Lord and pray he will answer my prayers. I love and miss you more than I could ever tell you. Love you always Laura"

"Hi baby, Well its Thursday Aug, 26th 2021 and another day has come and gone. Pastor Dick from the Sheriff's Dept. came over to talk awhile. He was very nice and understanding and it did feel good to talk and pray with him. I can not really say I feel any better over all yet the days just keep passing by. I just want you back or to go by you and anything less than that doesn't seem to matter. Dusty, Liz and the kids went camping with weekend. They left this morning and are coming home on Sunday.Doug said he may come over Friday so maybe I will make some taco's you know he likes those. I was listening yo one of by shows on the computer like I also did...and I have to listen to it again I think Robin was saying I am praying wrong so I will have to go over that. Well baby I don't really have any thing more to say, I still for so guilty and stupid for not catching on to your struggles, I hope and pray you are happy, healthy and safe. I pray you will forgive me and watch over all of us in this house...Love you always..Laura"

"Hi Baby, Well it is the end of Wednesday, I did a little work around your yard and I went and got Douglas's birthday gift..a blender and some frozen fruit to make a healthy drink. He seemed to really like it...Pastor Dick just called and said he would be here approx. 10 or 11am on Thursday. I don't really know what I am going to say to him but, he lost his son awhile back and his son was only in his twenties. I still do not understand why GOD heals some but not others, It just doesn't seem fair but life has never been fair.Oh Ron I wish you could come home or I could join you I do not like doing this alone and without you. I kind of just wanted to call Pastor Dick and tell him not to come but, Jolene went through a lot of effort to line this up and I do not want to hurt her in any way. I can not believe that you have been gone for almost 2 months..It still feel like yesterday to me. I think I miss you more and more with each passing day..I do not know what I am going to do with the rest of my life. As far as I am concerned we are still married even through this world tells me I am now single. I took vows with you 38 years ago in front of GOD and I meant every word. What GOD as jointed together let no man take apart. Ron I am a mess and I do not know how to move forward..I feel like I am trying so hard and I want to make sure the yard work gets done, bills get paid and the house your house is clean but, I find everything is twice as hard as it used to be. I always did those things for you even though I know you never really cared if everything got done right away. Well I guess all I can do is see if Pastor Dick can shine some light on what I am dealing with. Baby I pray you are so very happy, healthy and safe. Love you always in this life and the next. xxoo Laura..Pss I try to remember to tell all the puppies and the kitty that you send your Love for them all everyday. "

"Hi Baby its me again..I just can not relax tonight and just want to talk with you. I am watching the news and remembering all the times we watched it together and then talked about the things happening in this world. Things look pretty bad and if GOD took you home to spear you and pain this world may bring I am thankful, I do not want you to suffer through anything. I worry for Aiden and Branydon and what this world will be for them..I thank GOD they have strong bright parents to help them through this crazy world. I do not wish to go through any hard times either but, I know GOD will need people to stand and although I may not beable to do much I can still stand at least for now. I know GOD is good and he can see the entire picture of our lives but, since I am not able to see the future like GOD it is hard to keep the faith when he took you away from me. I do not in any way want to offend GOD and I know he wants me to trust in him and over all I do but, sometimes I can not help but, ask why he took you away instead of healing you. I know he could have healed you just as easy as he took you so I can not understand why he made that call. My faith tells me he made the right call as GOD does not make mistakes but, my simple mind just can not understand. Please Ron don't forget me and please save room in the house GOD has built for you. I don't want to live this life without you and I certainly do not want to live in my heavenly home without you either. I will try to write you every day I just hope GOD allows you to see these...I love and miss you so much my whole body just aches from sun up to sundown. I miss so much of the little things you did without even thinking rubbing my feet, covering me up, calling me mama Ron I miss them all, I just miss you period...Love always Laura...xxoo If possible please give me a clear sign you are around I just really need to know "

"Hi baby, Its Tuesday the 24th of Aug. To be honest I do not feel any better than yesterday. Who ever said time heals all wounds never went through this. Both Douglas and Elizabeth came over tonight which was great, We made up a budget for me starting in Sept. and we talked about you. Everyone misses you so much and we all wish we would have known what was really happening. We just don't know what you really knew and what you didn't tell us which makes things hard to attempt to figure out everything that took place. If you did hold back information about your health I know you were thinking you were saving us the pain and sorrow but, losing you when we all thought you were going to come home was very very painful and has continues to hurt more than I could ever tell you. I kept asking myself if I would have moved you sooner or if I would have followed up with the doctors after your appointment maybe things would have turned out differently. All I have is what if's and no answers making life hard and unbearable. I am very grateful for our 38 years together and I have never regretted knowing you, It is true you have gotten me over the top mad but, even then I still loved you and knew you were better than that. All I have now is the hope and faith that GOD is allowing you to see these letters and telling you about my prayers. I have nothing to ensure any of it but, I still continue to write and pray just in case you are seeing these. I pray every day that you are happy, healthy and safe and you will always know what I feel. If GOD would do this for me I would be so grateful, I just need you to know. i am so sorry that I wasn't smart enough to figure everything out and I wish I could change things. Everything is just to late, I am so sorry Ron I should have been more aware of everything. Please forgive me and be happy you deserve to be...Love you always Laura"

"Hi baby, Well it is Monday, Didn't do much this weekend,cried a lot prayed a lot and I still haven't heard from you nor have I seen you. I know that GOD goes by his own time but, to me it just feels empty and lonely. I did manage to cut the grass and make diner for Tuesday..lol. Well it has been almost 2 months yet it feels like yesterday to me. I feel like I am just going through the motions day to day, i have no interest in staying here without you, I do not even feel comfortable in this house, this is your house not mine and it feels wrong being here without you. I know that sounds strange because we worked so hard to get this but, I wanted to enjoy it with you.,not by myself. As I was cutting the grass today it occurred to me that as humans we work hard to stay healthy so we can remain on this earth for as long as possible. Heaven is a beautiful place no pain,no suffering, no bills ect..so why do we avoid going there? and try to remain here for as long as possible. I just don't feel the same about anything I don't know if something broke or something got fixed but I do know I don't want to be here without you. Things that were so important to me mean almost nothing. Don't get me wrong I do not regret paying off everything it is the victory just doesn't feel so important any more...I wanted to get here so we could relax and enjoy our golden years together. Liz and her family are going camping this coming weekend I pray the weather is good and they all enjoy themselves they deserve to relax as a family. Well baby I guess that is it....I pray you are happy,healthy and safe. I guess this punishment will continue another day unless the good LORD allows me to join you. Please watch over me and do not leave me...Love you always Laura "

"Hi baby, Well it is Sunday night, this had to be one of the longest days...I didn't do much today I just couldn't get myself to do anything...The weekends now seem to be long and empty I don't know what to do with myself. Douglas has a birthday in a few days and I know what we are going to get him, I just have to some how get up the will to leave the house to get it.Things that just came so naturally now seem to take take so much effort. The world seem to be in such chaos and if GOD took you to your heavenly home to save you from going through what ever hell maybe coming I am greatful I never wanted you to go through any pain of suffering. Part of me feels as if GOD gave us such a gift by taking you home so fast but, another part of me feels nothing but sorrow. I swear to you Ron if I would have understood what you were going through I would have done so many things differently, I would give almost anything to change that. Guilt is a hard thing to live with and since I can not change being so ignorant that last few months living with this guilt appears to be my punishment. I do love you and I have always loved you through good and bad, even through the bad times I knew deep down inside myself I knew you were a good and loving man. I will not say I understood why certain things were done but, I do know that you over came so much and I know you worked very hard to get everything on the right path and we completed all our goals together, I do not believe either one of us could have completed all those goals alone or without each other. We may have been completely different in many ways but, I believe we also completed each others short comings making one great person. Oh baby I wish GOD would have let you stay with me alittle longer and he would have healed you and let you enjoy seeing the apple trees grow,seeing your grandchildren's lives change as they grow,Douglas moving into his new home, Douglas and Taylor relationship blossom (hopefully into marriage) I know you can see all things from heaven I just wanted us to see them together.I have prayed and prayed from GOD to let me know that you are happy, healthy and safe but, I haven't been informed about anything so I will keep praying that you are all those things, you deserve to have them all. I have heard and read many things that said heaven has a parts room and if anyone enters that has something that is not working or is missing GOD gives them a new one, Baby I pray that is true and your heart is working better than ever. I am trying so hard to make it through each day without you but, it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, so if you could help me I sure could use it. I love you baby and I have always loved you, please save a place for me and watch over me, and if you can please let me know you are alright. Love always Laura "

"Hi baby, Well another day has come and gone, I think this was the worst day either...Nothing is getting better in fact I miss you more and more every passing day. The days are so long and the nights are even longer. I do not understand why I am here in you're house without you, I don't understand what my role is why am I here? I just want to be with you or for you to be with me. I can not do this I can not go on without you period. Please can you speak with GOD and let him know I am not as strong as everyone keep saying, Nor do I want to be. I attempt to act as i am ok but, that is far from the truth. I am listening to Trump on tv and missing our debates....I am not even interested in the state of the world any more, Nothing matters any more...If this is what I have to look forward to more days of crying ans loneliness what is the point? I am questioning GOD and I know that is wrong GOD doesn't make mistakes and in my heart some where I know that to be true yet I can not help but be angry with him which I know is also wrong. I try to keep reminding myself that GOD is always good and he loves us all but, It just doesn't feel that way to me now. This was our time we raised good children and they are out on thier own with there own families, this was our time. Oh Ron I know I could have done thing better and GOD knows that also. The guilt is overwhelming and consuming I pray GOD as told you everything I have asked and prayed for him to tell you. Both Douglas and Elizabeth have been so strong and helpful and without them I do not know where I would be. I believe Douglas house is all good and he can move in at the end of Sept. I know you are so proud of the kids and the great lives they have made. It is just no fair you can not enjoy everything they are doing...Oh baby I miss you so much and I can not do this life without you. Please come to me some how, I just want this nightmare to be over, every day is worst than the next. I am attempting to get it through my head GOD knows best and I need to fully trust in him but, It is so hard. I do not want to let you down and I do not want to dishonor GOD in anyway I need his help....Ron please know and always remember I LOVE you so much and I pray I can join you shortly..Love you always and forever..Laura "

"Hi baby....I once again find myself alone at night missing you so much..I can not tell you enough how sorry i am that I did not see the difference in your memory. I think I will live with this quilt for all endearing time. Tanya and Julie stopped by yesterday, they are good friends and very good and loving people. It was pretty emotional but, comforting at the same time. I still can not get it through my head you are gone, It just doesn't seem real to me..I do not want to be a widow at 58. We worked so hard to get everything we built and you didn't have enough time to enjoy it all. It is hard for me to enjoy it alone, This is your home your yard your accomplishment yet here I am alone in your house. I never meant to hurt or harm you in any way I truly thought I was doing the right thing by sending you to a speak with someone I did not want to lose anything and I did not want you to lose everything either...I think I let the fear of the past dictate my reaction, I did not see that things were different and for that I am so so sorry. I do thank GOD for the 38 years together although I feel we were cheated and we should have gotten a few more years.I can not figure out why I have to remain on this earth without you. GOD works on his own time and has a bigger plan I hear that all the time but, it doesn't bring me any comfort. I love and miss you so much please remember that and please do not forget about me. I pray I will see you soon. Please give all our family members hugs and kisses and all the doggies and kitty we have brought into our home over the years hugs and kisses too. Please watch over me and visit me here I need to know you are around..Love you always ...love Laura (mama)"

"Ron I can not do this without you, Everything is to hard Please let me come home with you please. "

"Hi baby...Well it has been over 6 weeks and I do not feel better, I don't know how to go on without you, and more important I don't think I want to...I have gave it some time and nothing feels the same nothing...I just want to be with you....The kids are doing great and they are beautiful kids with kind and giving hearts, I think they will make in this world just fine, Mom is 95 now and I know she still needs me but, after that I can come and be with you...Please do not forget about me and please watch over me I need to know you are here."

"Ron I love and miss you so much....Nothing is getting easier with the passing days..I wish and pray that GOD will bring me up to be with you...In the mean time I pray you are happy, healthy and enjoying the love and peace that heaven has to offer you deserve it all....Laura "

"Love you dad"

"I met Ron just a few months ago, when he & I went to look at a house Doug & Taylor were interested in buying, it?s a shame we won?t be able to break bread and have a few cocktails at Doug & Taylor?s house as they are in the processing of closing that house now. He seemed like a very nice man, and getting to know Doug pretty good over the last year or so, it?s easy to see he was a great dad, Doug is very courteous , kind, and a good guy. RIP Ron! "

"I met Ron just a few months ago, when he & I went to look at a house Doug & Taylor were interested in buying, it?s a shame we won?t be able to break bread and have a few cocktails at Doug & Taylor?s house as they are in the processing of closing that house now. He seemed like a very nice man, and getting to know Doug pretty good over the last year or so, it?s easy to see he was a great dad, Doug is very courteous , kind, and a good guy. RIP Ron! "

"I met Ron just a few months ago, when he & I went to look at a house Doug & Taylor were interested in buying, it?s a shame we won?t be able to break bread and have a few cocktails at Doug & Taylor?s house as they are in the processing of closing that house now. He seemed like a very nice man, and getting to know Doug pretty good over the last year or so, it?s easy to see he was a great dad, Doug is very courteous , kind, and a good guy. RIP Ron! "

"My best childhood friend and best man at my wedding has now moved on to the best place there is. Thank you Laura for sharing Ron with me these last few years"

"Laura, to good friend and co-worker, I'm deeply sadden for your loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I wish you healing and peace. Jim-Bob Square Pants"

"We met Ron while building our house in pine River along with his family. A wonderful friendship grew over 25 years. From babysitting to playing Santa Claus it was always good and always fun. We shared stories around the fire pit wondering which way was north and which way was south. Me being from the suburbs of Chicago I just wasn?t sure. Laura set us all straight. Ron was always there to help fix it build something John needed help with it to come over for a yearly New Years party!! I can?t list all our memories in here but I can let every individual know Ron was a great man. He was hopeful, kind, always helpful, always positive and a great friend. After the shock of hearing of Ron?s passing it made us think of all the fun times and how quickly time flies. Hug your loved ones as the ones you truly love are gone in an instance. Godspeed Ron! Love you ???"